Happy Halloween!

Boo! Did I scare ya? It is Halloween... I am being silly and trying to scare myself by watching Ghost Hunters on Sci Fi... usually I record it and watch it in daylight... I tend to let my imagination get away with me and it can freak me out.

Today at school the kids were told that they could dress up, but they had to somehow personify words... and their appearance had to clearly show that word's meaning... I don't usually participate in those king of things... but today... I figured it would require little effort and taped the word "Tall" to my arm. :-) he he he.... it worked.

I am still very run down from this cold. But I will be ok. My weekend plans have changed. Instead of my family coming here, my parents and I are headed to upstate NY, to my sister's house instead. I think it will be fun because I will get to see all of my nephews playing soccer. How cute will that be? I will have to have a chair to sit in because of my knee, but that's ok.

Oh... today, at work, I tried to reduce my elevator use... I went up the stairs once... mostly leading with my left foot and going one at a time...and came down the stairs once... just figured that it will help build some muscles...PT again tomorrow.

I want to say ALOHA to a woman who lives in Hawaii and had an MRI today to see if she, too, has PVNS. I wish her well, and hope to hear from her again.

Ok... off to scare myself.... BOO!!!!

Tuesday

I am still feeling a little stuffy and run down, but overall ok. I had PT today and they re-introduced a couple of things we had been doing a few weeks ago...some lunges, but not too many at once. Hopefully it won't hurt again. I go to PT again Thursday... I know it is helping, BUT... I kind of wanna be done with it.

This is a busy work week. I need to evaluate a kid and also I have a meeting on a kid who is not on my caseload, but who I have in class. The meeting should help us get information about his current status... which will be helpful.

Last week I put a lot of time and energy in designing tools to help one of my students. I really think that things are working... I feel good about it. His anxiety seems to have decreased and he is going to all his classes and doing work.... How cool!

I am looking forward to this weekend...a lot.... it would have been my grandmother's birthday...so... my parents are coming down and my sister and her kids are coming up...and we are going to celebrate... just by spending the day together... Gramie would have liked that. I am sure she is thrilled about the Sox too...

Well, friends, I am sleepy and calling it a night soon... last night I laid down around 7:30 and watched tv for a while...I think tonight will be similar... curl up under the blankets with the kitties....and relax.... sounds like a plan...

Blogging

It's Monday...it looked very nice outside today....but it was cold... did not reach 50 here... brrrrrr.... there was frost on my winshield this morning, and my outside plants....dead. I am tired... tired...tired... I am getting a cold. I had actually thought about calling in sick today because I have that feeling that if I rest I will ward it off...does that make sense? But... as it worked out, one of my assistants called out and there were no subs available...which would have left my other assistant alone...doing the job of three people... so I went in... and lasted all day. But I am beat... it is 7 and I think I am going to go to bed. I may not sleep, but I will lay down.

I am excited to hear from my friend Jill...hoping that her and her husband's offer on a house was accepted...fingers crossed....

The Red Sox won the world series... COOL.

My cousin is holding his own... and a full recovery is likely, but there will be a lot of reconstructive surgery ahead... wow...

My parents attended my great uncle's funeral today...Uncle Nate. He was my grandmother's brother...the grandmother who recently passed away... kind of neat how close together they went...

Anyway... I am beat and heading to bed soon... until tomorrow...

As Promised...

Here are some pictures of Halloween... This is me with my friend Sue...These are pictures that were taken after the Halloween Party... we decided to hit a bar
after leaving the party around 9. My friend who hosted the party had put a lot of work into making her place look nice and preparing
food for her guests. She did well. This is Meg..with Sue... Meg is my friend that some of you may remember... she is the friend sho hates to lose at canasta. Her costume was a new England Sports fan... Last but not least... this is me... having a premonition... I saw myself leaving the party and going to a bar." (I had some props for the party.. I had created a table that I carried with me that had a crystal ball and tarot cards attached to it...I thought that the party was going to be more invested in costumes than it was...so my props kind of got left to the side...I suppose I should have seen that one coming!)

Fortune teller

Later today I will be heading to a Halloween party, as a fortune teller. Would I really want to have the power to predict the future? I don't know. There are things about the future that I want to know... like being absolutely sure that I am done with PVNS... that I will get married and be a mother one day... that people in my life will be happy and healthy...that my cousin will recover fully from his accident yesterday... That's what I WANT to know... but what if none of those things are in my future? Would I want to know that? Probably not.

Does the future change or is it predestined? I don't know. If I am meant to live in a hut on the beach of one of the Hawaiian islands, will I get there, no matter what other choices I make? Or do my choices alter the future. If today I could see the future...and then replayed it tomorrow, would it be the same or would it be different based on today's events? Hmm... So tonight at this party I will playfully tell people's fortunes... actually I am planning on having people ask me yes or no questions... and give them a random answer...based on the answers that are given by those magic 8 ball things... you know... you shake it and that little cube floats around inside and then settles on answers like definitely, it is decidedly so, concentrate and ask again, most likely, and no. Hopefully it will be fun... I will take pictures and share them on here tomorrow.

My cousin's accident has got me thinking... surprising right? Thinking about how quickly life changes. My cousin was working, doing something as I am sure he has done many times. He and a co-worker were in the process of fixing part of a front end loader and the bucket came down on them just as they were about to secure it... My cousin's coworker had some injuries on his face and jaw and has already been released from he hospital. My cousin's injuries are more severe. He was hit in the head, I think above his left eye...the impact was so great that his skull was shattered... His surgery last night involved a brain surgeon, a neurologist, an opthamologist, and a few others... The good news... his brain does not appear to have been damaged... none of the bone fragments from his skull became embedded in his brain...and they were able to find most of the bone fragments, meaning... I think... that they were able to reconstruct that area... I hope. At this point my cousin is in ICU and heavily sedated. The surgeons are optimistic that he will be able to hear and see, but will not be able to verify that until my cousin is awake enough to share that information. He is sedated and on a ventilator, but is being woken up regularly to check his responsiveness. There is a long road ahead. His face has been badly damaged and will require reconstructive surgery and there is a possibility of substantial sinus issues ahead... but... he is alive...and will most likely recover... thank goodness. Thank Goodness...

This accident reminds me of something that happened when I was in college...though I hope the outcome for my cousin is not the same as it was for the man in my story...

When I was in college I worked in a paper mill during the summers. I met a lot of people, all interesting, some sweet, funny, and kind, others, well...disturbed. But those stories are for another time. One man, who at the time was 28, and was very friendly to us college "kids." He had recently been married, a couple of years, and he and his bride were trying to have kids. I remember the day that this happened...and the days following... and think about it all often...though as time passes... not as often as I used to...

He had been in the break room with us and made a joke as he left the break room to return to his job.... he did something he had done for years, a routine part of the job...and was killed. In an instant... The details are very much present in my mind...and have replayed it in my head several times. I will not share them here... because I don't want to go back to that moment in detail...though it is hard not to... but I will share that incident, along with others that summer, really sent me into a tailspin...made me contemplate life and death...the meanings of both. Why one person who tried to end her life survived(separate story) ...and this man, my co-worker, who had so much to live for... died... I did a lot of writing about that time in my life... and though writing about it all helped, I never got the answers I was looking for...or any answers a all, really. Why was I there that night? Why was HE there that night? how/why does death "choose" to act when/where it does?

My cousin's accident reminds me of this because of how quickly things happen... how we go through our lives, doing things we have done several times before...and how we can't know when something in that is routine can go horrifically wrong. We cannot predict what will happen... when things will go well, when things will go wrong... and I guess, what I know for sure... is that sometimes not knowing...is protective.

So...tonight as I play a fortune teller...will simply wish good fortune for those who seek that knowledge... (I know the party won't be this deep...but...again... this is the way my brain works...)

Stay tuned for pictures...

Full Moon

I did not take this picture, but I am mesmerised by it. I found it online. THe moon was beautiful this morning on my way to work... I couldn't believe it...how big it was this morning. Amazing. The full moon is often associated with weird things happening... and today I have had reports of two people I know having head injuries... one was the daughter of a fried, a four year old, who fell off a slide at day care, but was lethargic and vomiting, so was taken to the hospital in an ambulance. She is ok... home...and hopefully sleeping. The other is more serious... one of my cousins had an accident at work today and is in surgery... Apparently it is pretty serious...I am hoping all is well with him.

As for me... my knee was a little stiff today, but overall a great week knee wise...

Tomorrow I am going to a Halloween party... It should be fun... I am getting dressed up and everything... I will also take pictures and share them with you all.

Sorry this is short tonight, but I am wiped out.

Happy Thursday

Ok... NONE of you have offered ideas for a Halloween Costume....hmmm...

Anyway... My knee is a little sore today, but not unbearablly so. I have PT later and hope it isn't too bad. In the meantime I am going to watch a soccer game...my friend Meg is coaching her team at a school near here, so I will stop by to say hello before therapy...then.. I am off to hang with some friends for Dinner...phil, Sara, Matt, Melissa, and Tobes!!! SHould be fun...

Hope you all enjoy your evening...and don't forget... it IS chocolate Thursday!

2nd post of the day.... new scar pics

This is the back of my knee... looking SOOOOO much better, right?


And this is the front...

World Series

Tonight the Red Sox begin their world series against Colorado... what do you think of that RICO??? Oh Sorry LOLA...were you expecting the Yankees to be there??? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha... OK.. truth be told I am not a die hard red sox fan...but... I do prefer them over other teams, especially the Yankees. AND...my Grandmother LOVED the Sox... so I would like to see them win.

Congrats to Jill & Family in CA! I will be thinking of you on Saturday as you close on a new house!!! I want pictures!!! Yahoo!

Today my knee still felt pretty good... knocking on wood. It was a little more stiff than Monday or Tuesday, but I had a pretty good pace going with walking. Tomorrow I have PT and I think it will be tougher than Tuesday... so I am a bit nervous. But.. I will think positively.

I need help from my blog viewers... Ideas... for Halloween Costumes needed.... PLEASE!

two days...Two Days...TWO DAYS!!!

Two days in a row of my knee feeling GREAT. Not just good... but I'm talking the best it has felt in... well....I can't remember how long... People at work today told me I wasn't limping at all today. (I think I was limping a little, but I'll take it!) I had PT this afternoon and my therapist, the one with whom I cried last week, took it easy on me. I did a little more than I did last week, but not the lunges ans squats. I hope tomorrow I still feel great... I have PT again on Thursday and was promised that it won't be as easy as it was today... But I can handle it.

Having 2 days in a row of feeling so great...makes me think that maybe there will be three great days in a row..then maybe four... and I think that I can realize that even if I have a bad day...or a few bad days... there are better days ahead...and I smile when I think about that. That word "normal" keeps creeping in my mind... is it possible?

On a similar note... my visit with mom on Friday... She thought about it and realized that Friday's visit was the first visit in a long time that did not involve a hospital...or a looming surgery... It was nice to realize that...and I look forward to more visits like that.

I have hope.

Kicking up my heels!

Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! Don't say it too loudly...BUT.... Today...my knee felt the best it has... in a LONGGGGGGG time... the most 'normal' it has felt in a long time.... I mean it... there were moments today when I actually didn't think about my knee when I was walking or getting up... Yahooooo!! But I am cautiously feeling good ... because it was only a week ago that I was miserable...and I have PT tomorrow... eek...

That's about it for today...but want to thank Rico for his comment...

Ahhhhhhhhhhh...

Today is a day of relaxation...I had a great weekend. As I told you, my mom and her friends came to visit on Friday and it was great to have them here. While they were rocking out at the gospel concert, I was hanging with a friend of mine, Sue. We had a good time just chilling out at a local bar and then went to another restaurant for dessert. Saturday, mom and her friends took me out to breakfast and we then went shopping at a store they like and rarely get to go there. It was nice. From there...I got to spend time with a few different people. My friend Sue and I went to have pedicures and manicures. It was fun... I like having a pedicure, but it tickles...and I am ticklish...so one part of the process feels good and tickles all at the same time... I do all I can to not kick the poor woman, who is doing the pedicure, across the room. Why pedicures and manicures? well, the rest of my day was spent investigating.... investigating the depth of the dating pool once again... Two investigations were held yesterday! (Don't judge me people!!! It's just the way it worked out)... The full report will not be posted here, but it is nice to know that it is possible to have a date that involves good conversation with very little awkwardness. For the record...on the first date... I got carded... at a place I go to enough that the waitress should have remembered me... and my date...did not get carded... HA! Anyway...

Today has been nice. I went to a football game in which some of my students played. I had told them that I was going to try to get to a game this season. Well, this was the last home game. So I told them if it wasn't raining I would go... The sun was shining so I went. It is great to see kids in such a different setting. I enjoy that...think that's why coaching is important to me. My knee is feeling pretty good... I tried to not overdo this weekend and tried to be cautious, like taking my crutch as I walked out to the football field today, because the ground was so uneven. I have PT again Tuesday...I think that Sara and I are going to go to the gym tomorrow...but I am going to take it very easy...VERY easy. I got off track last week with my eating...and having such a busy weekend does not help much... But tomorrow I am back on track...and when I have the next setback through PT, which I am sure will come... I will do better...be better to myself.

On a separate topic... I was watching some of my shows that I had recorded last week. Some topic on The View that made me shake my head... apparently a professor, a black woman, at Columbia was the victim of racism... a noose was hung on her doorknob...so I googled it and found other recent incidents involving nooses...the Jena 6... a woman in Brooklyn I think it was...who hung a noose in her tree and told her black neighbor that she was going to hang those black kids... apparently there are hate groups out there who have posted the names and addresses of the Jena 6 boys and have encouraged people to seek justice in their own way... That makes me sick to my stomach... where does that hate come from? The following are the words to a song from South Pacific:

"Cable:
You've got to be taught
To hate and fear,
You've got to be taught
From year to year,
It's got to be drummed
In your dear little ear
You've got to be carefully taught.

You've got to be taught to be afraid
Of people whose eyes are oddly made,
And people whose skin is a diff'rent shade,
You've got to be carefully taught.

You've got to be taught before it's too late,
Before you are six or seven or eight,
To hate all the people your relatives hate,
You've got to be carefully taught!"

...Yes... hate is taught...I consider myself to be a tolerant person, but I am intolerant of intolerance.... so am I a hypocrite? Recently I had begun conversing with a man I had gone out on a date with a while ago. We had met in Sturbridge Village...but that's beside the point. He had contacted me and wanted to start communicating again and also see each other again... flattering, yes... but in some of our discussions things came up that bothered me...gave me a weird nervous sensation... he used descriptions when talking about people who are not white as "them" or "those people"... not using those terms as pronouns..but in a derogatory way. So I asked him about his views of various things..and one of his pet peeves is the way "they" dress....with their pants way down low with their underwear showing...and in his mind... somehow the way that someone dressed, in his mind...justifies the use of the N word. So I asked him if he was racist... he said no...quickly followed by the following statement... I have black friends. So I asked him if he uses the N word around his black friends. His response...of course not. When I asked why not, he said it would not be appropriate. I said it's never appropriate. He then asked me a lot of questions...like...if you were walking down the sidewalk and coming toward you you noticed a white man on one sidewalk, and a black man on the other sidewalk, which sidewalk would I choose to walk on. My response... the sidewalk I was currently walking on. He didn't believe me... he said, Come on... you know you would prefer to walk past a white man....As irony works... earlier that day I had been driving...and had to stop at an intersection. At this intersection there was a man who was kind of wobbling as he stood on the sidewalk and then started crossing traffic and did not walk in a straight line...he was wearing clothing that looked dirty...and he looked a little out of it... I immediately locked my door in my truck... and I started telling this story to this man and he said, see...you locked the door... I said..yes... I was nervous based on this WHITE man's appearance. Was I judgemental? Yes.. Is that right? I don't know... and I have thought about that situation since. I also told this man that I thought about that situation and questioned myself and my actions and my judgement... he was so surprised that I would reflect on that... He thought I was not telling him the truth about my thoughts...that a white chick from Maine could feel like I feel... He then justified his use of the N word, by saying that he uses that word to describe some white punks who are trying to be black. That phrase bothers me too...'trying to be black'... in his mind trying to be black means dressing with low pants with underwear hanging out... I do not know who was the first person to wear their pants in that style... if it was intentional, or if they had to wear pants worn by an older sibling and there was no belt available... who knows... but regardless of its history...if someone chooses to dress that way, why is that trying to act black? Why is it not seen as a fashion choice or statement...regardless of race. Do I like that style? Not particularly...but does that style mean anything about that person's character or intellect? According to this man it did. So the more I talked with him, the more I considered him a racist... and again asked him about his thinking and asked him if his black friends knew that he used the n word and in what context. He said that he has never had that discussion with his friends. Why would he? I told him, that if he truly feels he is not a racist...that he sould feel comfortable having such a conversation with the black people he feels are his friends... He won't. I asked him about interracial dating...he said...well... I think it is hard on the children of interracial couples... I told him I thought that excuse was BS... and it is... I said to him... if people didn't feel/think the way he does...children would not have to be worried about how they were treated...it wouldn't be an issue... he said he has never been attracted to a black woman...has never found a black woman attractive. I challenged him on that too... what if a black woman had all of the other qualities he wanted... he said a black woman would not have those characteristics...that he would never be attracted to a black woman. While I think we all have preferences in the attraction sense....I just can not believe that someone's race could be a deterrent when the person possesses so many amazing attributes.... I don't get that.... So after this discussion he wanted to change the subject... back to when he and I were going to meet again. I told him that I did not want to date someone who thinks like he does. He was highly offended and thought that the topic of racism should not be a dealbreaker...should not change the way people interact... I said that it does change things... I do not and will not be married to someone...have children with someone...who feels like that. He said... well I would never teach my children to use the n word... I said..you may not teach them to use or not use that particular word, but you will teach them to hate. He disagreed... felt he could filter such attitudes if he had kids.... so I said... filter it like you do with your black friends.... I said kids know and pick up on your attitude and there is no way I could date someone with his thinking... So.... is racism alive and well? YES.

The View mentioned that research suggests that there are racial hate groups out there and their membership is strongest in younger people...in the worked in which we live...so connected to other people worldwide...how/why are younger people joining these groups and feeling that their membership/hatred is justified... because hate is taught...put kids together, or varying ethnicities...and they will play together....unless they have been taught not to...

I am not perfect... I judge people... I reflect on that. I see people at the grocery store and wonder about their parenting skills, based on one moment of an interaction with their child... I see people when I walk around...people who are dressed in an unkempt manner.... and I judge... I assume homelessness...poverty... and prepare myself on how I will refuse to give them any change... does this make me any different than the man I mentioned above...who is racist? I don't know....I also passed judgement on him as being a racist....why should I have any right to do that?... I hope I am more reflective... I hope that I call myself and my judgements out on the carpet sometimes...and I hope I learn from that.

I hope that hate stops... I hope that nooses do not begin appearing more often... as Whoopi said on The View...'is the noose the new burning cross on your lawn?' (I probably paraphrased that.)

Scary...I will try to do my part...to not hate...and to challenge others to do the same.

Mom is in Town...so is the rain

Fun Fun Fun... Mom and her gal pals arrived safely in the big city today! (Big city compared to where she is from.) Their concert lasted four hours... and after the show they were still going.... pretty good! I went out with a friend while waiting for the ladies and had a great time.

I can't reveal all here...but this weekend should prove to be interesting!

Later Gators... gotta go visit with the girls.

Chocolate Thursday....again???

Greetings....

Today my knee felt the best it has since last Thursday's PT session... it didn't feel great, but the pain was much lower and it felt more stable. I did hobble around a bit without my crutch, but got tired quickly.

I haven't done as well eating as I should be doing. Why is there such a connection between emotions and food? I guess I would be rich if I could answer that. Which brings me to chocolate Thursday... has there already been chocolate today.... yes.... how much?? more than one square of chocolate....

I have PT tomorrow morning and hope that it makes me feel better, not worse. I am settling in for my night of tv. Tomorrow my mom and a couple of her friends are coming to stay with me...they are going to a concert that has some kind of spiritual affiliation...so I get to play host, chef, chauffer, and....my favorite.... daughter! I am looking forward to it. My apt. is not immaculate, but... I think for a night, it will do.

Tomorrow is Friday! YAHOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Better...

I feel better today...still feeling pain, but it is not as intense as yesterday. My friend Sara had called me last night and knew I was feeling blue, so she came by tonight to get me out...we went to one of our favorite spots and had a good time. She is a cool chick! I am not going to write much tonight, but wanted people to know I was ok..

Mirror Mirror....

Mirror mirror on the wall......who's the....._________est of them all???

If I had a magical mirror, what title would I want? Today I am having a hard day. I have been beating myself up... I'm mad today... sad today... frustrated... I woke up this morning after another sleepless night and in pain. I tried to get myself going this morning, but felt unsteady on my leg. I felt pain when I tried to bear weight on it. Emotionally I went back to a place I had not been in a while...since last year when I fought so hard to make myself go to work...to get through the pain and go. I decided to stay home today because I hurt... and because I am mad that I hurt. I want to be past this stage. I don't want to remind myself of how much progress I have made and how far I have come... because today, it doesn't feel like that. Tomorrow will mark three months since surgery... and by this time I really wanted to be doing what I wanted to do. I HATE feeling limited...

I did go to PT today and they took it easy on me. They were a little concerned about the pain and told me I need to take it easy...so that means I won't go back to the gym at least until the weekend. I cried at PT...because I was so mad and frustrated and that there didn't seem to be a specific reason for the pain...could have been the new squats...could have been the added lunges....or it could just be a flare up....AHHHHHHHHHHHHH.....So how did I handle this? I got a pizza, chips, and a brownie. Smart move, right? So... as I was consuming food that I know does not add to my healthy lifestyle... I told myself how ridiculous I was for resorting to comfort food. So mirror mirror on the wall...who's the lamest...no...pathetic-est...no...stupidest....ridiculous-est... of them all???

..........

Tomorrow needs to be better. Tomorrow I need to feel less pain...tomorrow I need to eat the healthy food that is here and not do more damage to my body...Tomorrow...

Monday Monday....

so my day started out with a meeting...that lasted about an hour and a half. It was about one of my students, reviewing his progress and then planning what his new goals will be. I worked a lot on this plan over the weekend and also designed an informational brochure about this student's particular disability. I wanted to make it to help me understand more about the disability, but also to have something in his file for his future teachers to read and use as a resource. (I hope!) The meeting was tiring, because I had to chair it, and make changes to the paperwork based on the discussion, and to keep things moving, which was hard in this situation because the parents really enjoy talking. Usually I get a little frustrated if things don't move at a faster pace, but today I was impressed with the knowledge these parents had about their student. I don't always get that. The student was also at the meeting and did a great job at articulating things that would help while at school. In some ways the meeting inspired me to create more tools for this student and I could not wait to get started. But I also needed to get back to my classes...edit the paperwork, type up the form that acts as the minutes to the meeting....so I felt like I was trying to catch up with myself all day... that I did not have enough hands to do all I needed to do... but I will say that I got a lot done... or at least I think I did...somehow. It was hard to leave work today because I wanted to do more...but I knew I needed to leave. My knee was quite painful again today... so I did not go to the gym... I figured since it bothered me all weekend, I should wait to go again until after I go back to PT and see if they can do something to alleviate the pain. They will probably cause more pain, but... I can hope that maybe they will take it easy.... fingers crossed.

The BEST part of my day was meeting up with one of my friends and her son for dinner. It was kind of a spur of the moment thing and I was so happy to see her. Her son, 3 and a half, is so well behaved - and smart... definitely categorized as a cutie pa tootie...to borrow a term from Rosie O. She and her hubby are awaiting the completion of their new house. I saw some pics and it is a gorgeous place... I can only imagine when they get moved in...how great it will look. My friend has a great way of decorating a place to be elegant, comfortable, and a little country all at the same time. Thanks for calling me for dinner Girl!!! We will do it again!!



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Did I crash the tall club?

Yes... I did go to the tall club dance. I did not do any dancing because of my knee, but I did go...and had a pretty good time. I was a little nervous going there, not knowing anyone. I didn't know if it would be a couples thing or if most of the people would be much older than I am. As I was walking through the hall of the place where the dance was going to be held, two men entered through an outside door and smiled at me and asked, are you possibly looking for the tall club? While I am not sure why they would make THAT assumption, I said yes. One of the men was perhaps in his 60s and kind of took me under his wing. We walked into the room where the tall club was and believe it or not, I silenced the room...not for long, but I did get some attention....imagine that...and I didn't even have my heels on. This older gentleman, who I will call Arty, surveyed the room and said, well most of the tables are full, but let's go sit at that table up there. I will sit with you. So he did. Within moments, several other tall club members were coming over and introducing themselves to me. Some had seen me in town earlier in the day... after a few introductions people introduced themselves using my name... hi "TallGal" I'm...so and so.... So apparently news spread quickly throughout that room! The majority of people there were female, and probably at least 6 years older than me. I did meet some interesting people. They were very welcoming and friendly and determined to have me continue contact with the club. I got some email addresses and phone numbers, and think that I may stay in touch with some of the people there. I feel conflicted about officially joining an organization like this because I feel like I love being tall and don't need to belong to a group to know that. But on the other hand, I feel like there is an understanding amongst the members and it is another way of meeting new people. Two of the people I met last night are "famous" in the tall club world. I met Miss Tall Club International, Miss Jane Baldwin. She is my age, also a teacher, and lives in Portland, OR. She was very friendly and shared with me a little of her experiences as Miss Tall Club International.... I gotta admit, that I was never a pageant girl, BUT... I did have, for a brief moment...or two...thoughts of entering such a pageant... why? Well I think that it would be a good platform for doing public speaking about being tall and seeing height as part of diversity... Jane shared with me that she is shy and does not yet feel comfortable doing press for her position. In her role, she gets to visit many cities throughout the US and Canada, paid for by the Tall Club International. I could do that. Whoa whoa.... what am I saying? That I want a tiara and a title? Me...who has lived my life not defining myself by my height would consider that? Not that I would win...there would be other competitors. Oh well.... maybe I will start working on my beauty queen wave, just in case! The other "famous" Tall Clubber that I met last night was Dave Rasmussen. Dave is known to be the tallest member of any tall club organization. At 7'4" I had to look way up. He has been the subject of a documentary on The Learning Channel a few years ago. He was disappointed that I was not up for dancing last night, due to my knee, but said that he hoped the next time our paths cross my knee would be dance ready. One of the activities last night was raising money for a scholarship. It involved buying raffle tickets and putting them into items that you may want to win. The items included beauty products and alcohol. (I will leave it up to you to determine where my tickets may have gone!) But...anyway...Dave gave me about 10 if his tickets as a way of welcoming me. Very nice. I did not win. The tickets were sold individually, by arm length, or by body length...and yes, you could try to use someone else's body, IF you gave them one of your tickets. Dave had a lot of people trying to buy his body. It was awkward trying to talk with dave, not because of his height, but because it was fairly loud in there, and Dave's speech pattern is similar to that of Sandy Allen, the world's tallest woman. I am not sure how to describe it without sounding insulting, which would not be my intent. I think if I were in a setting with him where there was little background noise and we were sitting across from one another, I would be more easily able to understand him. He was a very nice person. The other people were very nice too. They really want me to be involved, and said to not let the distance from here to Boston be an issue, that I would be welcome to stay at someone's house if I came to events, which is very sweet.

I did not know what to expect by crashing the party last night...but it was nice...to take myself out of my comfort zone...to put myself in a situation where I need to carry on conversations with strangers...and I did it, successfully. Did I meet my tall knight in shining armor...nope... do I see that happening as part of this group? Nope... but... I do see that there were some genuine and kind people there who I could see myself befriending. I see that possibly there would be people I would want to visit as friends, not just tall friends...and people who I would welcome to stay with me sometime. So... I am glad I went. I did have a lot of people ask how tall I am...but not in a Holy $hit kind of way...but in a celebratory manner.

There was a man there who stood out to me... She was about 6 feet tall, perhaps my mom's age... and she seemed lonely. She seemed to fit in with the other people in the group, and had some friends, but seemed a bit like a wallflower. I did talk with her, but it was definitely me asking her a lot of questions...but one thing was apparent...she depends on that group and while she may sit back and watch, she enjoys it. I think for her, she enjoys the outings more than the dances...but she has fun. It was nice to go to an event where I could carry on conversations, while standing in a group, without having to bend over to hear them...

There were lots of people taking lots of pictures...I will let you know if any get posted on the Boston club's site and share them with y'all if I can.

Enough with the tall tales... I gotta get a move on. I need to get to school to get some things done for a meeting I have in the morning. And... I need to figure out what I am going to teach this week...

Unexpected Sunshine

I thought this weekend was going ot be rainy and windy and cold...yesterday was... but today I woke up and the sun was shining. I did go up to Sara's house last night and hung with the crew. We had a good time. I did end up driving home because I wanted to sleep in my own bed. I had plans to meet up with another friend today, for lunch. On my way there I took al ittle detour and saw the covered bridge that is pictured above. I did some research and it was built in 1864 and rebuilt in the 1970s after some vandalism. IT was cool to see. I had driven by the road it is on several times, ahd seen the sign, but had not seen it until today. It was nice.

I then had lunch with a friend and then wandered around my town for a while. I wanted to spend some time outside. It was hard walking around today. My knee hurts...has hurt since PT on Thursday night. But I am trying to keep moving to see if that helps. Oh well.

There is something interesting going on in this area this weekend....a "Tall Weekend"... members of tall clubs have gathered here for a New England weekend. There are some events going on...and I am debating about whether or not a native Mainer should crash one of their events. Maybe....maybe not. It may be fun... but it also may be strange and awkward...and it costs $25. But...it would be an adventure. We'll see... I am meeting up with some friends for part of the evening...and after, if I feel like it, maybe I will swing by.

Chocolate Thursday???

Thursday is probably my favorite night of the week...except for Friday and Saturday. One reason I love Thursdays is because of two of my favorite TV shows... Survivor...and Grey's Anatomy... I love coming home on a Thursday night, knowing that there is only one day left before the weekend. And in my classroom, Fridays are fun...so it is a day I look forward to. So Thursday night I really unwind and relax. So where does the chocolate come in? As you know I have been eating healthy and getting back into the gym. I am feeling great. However, I have noticed that I have been craving something sweet for the last couple of nights. So I thought to myself... Self, what can we do to stop this? And Self answered me... Well Self...you are pretty determined to be healthy...and you do have that "won't power" ...most of the time... so what about having something sweet around...

something that is individually packaged...something that you like a lot, but don't LOVE...
So... I thought about that. I remembered that a while ago I did this thing where I would buy a Hershey bar and when I really felt like I needed something sweet or I was going to eat everything else in sight... I ate one square of the Hershey bar...well...one rectangle. I made that one rectangle last for a long time...by letting small pieces of that rectangle the chocolate dissolve in my mouth...mmmmmmmm... So I wondered if I could combine my
love of chocolate with my love of Thursdays... so today I bought some chocolates...they come individually wrapped. I bought the dark chocolate because I am actually not a huge fan of dark chocolate, but it does meet that craving.
And I thought I would eat less of something I didn't love as much. Just for the record...3 pieces of this chocolate is considered a serving...180 calories in 3...13 g of fat...19 carbs and 3 g of fiber. So...if I eat one... that would be....
60 calories...4 1/3 g of fat about 6 carbs...and 1 g of fiber... so I rationalized that I could do that...once a week... eat one square of chocolate. as I watch my favorite tv shows. To make myself feel fancy about having some dark chocolate

I got out one of my little dessert plates given to my by my grandmother...and put the square on it. And decided to cut it into pieces so I can spread out my enjoyment throughout the evening of tv...eat one piece at a time... and let it dissolve... so I decided to do just that...[notice that beautiful showtime knife??? Good product placement or what?]...so I cut the square into eight little pieces. My shows haven't started yet, but... I had to sample it...and... it does meet the sweet craving, but honestly, that will be enough for me throughout the evening...and once a week... I think is ok. Do I need the chocolate? No... but will it help me eat less of other things? Yes...So will I allow myself to have chocolate Thursday... Yes Indeedy!
There were other good parts of my day today besides the piece of chocolate I have eaten already...(7 more for when tv starts at 8:00!!!) I went to work today without crutches... without a crutch... CRUTCHLESS day #1... Yahooooooooooooooo... I did get tired, but that is ok. I was a little sore after the workout at the gym yesterday, but it feels good. I had PT tonight and added a couple of more exercises... and I had to do those lunges...that I hate... my knee gives out on me a few times when I do those, but it's ok...the lunges will supposedly help that.

Tomorrow I am going to go to the gym again.. with Sara... she called today and was feeling good about working out yesterday and wants to go again tomorrow. I am excited about her wanting to go. After that we are going to go to her house, meet up with Melissa and Tobes for a girls night... well girls night plus one baby boy....while Phil and Matt are at football. The guys will probably crash the girls night towards the end of the night, but that's fine. Together the ladies are going to cook a healthy diner and just enjoy life!!! So my blog may not continue until Saturday... chances are I will crash at their house tomorrow night.

I hope you all had a great week... healthy...do something for yourselves this weekend... health related... doesn't have to be eating healthy or exercising... it could be, but it could also be doing something like taking some time to read a book...listening to your favorite music...painting... taking a hot bath... just take care of yourselves...and your spirit...

The NAKED truth...

I went to the gym today...my girl Sara joined me... YAY... Sara is a person who...no matter how long she has been away from the gym...looks like she has been there every day for years... she is athletic...I would go as far to say she is very thin...sometimes too thin... We met up in the locker room and were getting ready to go out into the gym and she quietly asked me if her pants were ok... or if she should wear shorts.... Her pants looked great...her shorts would have looked great... I was in shorts and a t-shirt...sporting my crutch, with my scars out in the open...as far as weight goes, Sara and I are on opposite ends of the spectrum... yet she worries about her appearance...as much as I do...so as we went out into the gym I was thinking about that and looking around...my gym has a motto... it is a "judgement free zone."... so as I looked around, I tried not to judge people, but wondered... about each person's body image. In front of me there was a man working out on this machine that I consider a cross between an elliptical machine and a stairmaster... I looked at his body... strictly for research of course ;-).. and found him to be fit...muscular...definitely in shape. He was one of those clean cut guys...short hair, probably was one of the jocks in high school....(oops...is that a judgement?)... and he looked good... very attractive...back to research.... before he leaves the locker room does he look in the mirror wondering if his shorts make his butt look big? (They surely did not!) Ok... onto other people working out... the other people who were close to me were mostly women...and their gym attire varied greatly. One woman was wearing a tank top with spaghetti straps along with yoga pants... she was a fairly petite woman in her torso/shoulders...and calves...but she did have a little junk in the trunk and thighs... not fat by any means, but out of proportion to the rest of her body... she could buy clothing at any store, but how does she feel before she enters the gym? Later I saw her doing exercises to target that area of her body... Another woman, average size maybe a few extra pounds, was wearing yoga pants, a t-shirt and a long sweatshirt that came down over her butt...is she hiding her body? from whom? from the gym members or from herself? Then there was this other woman... who for some reason looked like her name would have been Mary...she was middle aged..I have seen her there before... average sized, in decent shape...a couple of small rolls around her waist, but not overweight... and she doesn't seem to have any inhibitions. Is that possible? She is one of those ladies who gets NAKED in the locker room... doesn't even try to be modest...one minute she is wearing her dress from work and the next minute..standing naked...she changes into her workout clothes...which of the entire two times I have seen her there, she has worn the same thing... a leotard...with biking shorts underneath it... I didn't know they even made leotards still...thought those went out in the 80's... but she wears it...gets dark sweat spots all over it... then back to the locker room...naked...back in her work clothes..and leaves... WOW... not sure if I admire that, or if I want to say...yo Lady... put some clothes on... When I change to work out, I don't mind changing from pants to shorts or changing my shirt...but I wouldn't have both my pants and shirt off at the same time... however I now...and have for some time...change in one of the changing rooms because the gym I go to also happens to be popular with many former students, kids I coach, and their parents...don't think I want to have someone see my granny panties at the gym and then see them at the meet on the weekend talking to them about how their kid is doing in the 200m.....some of the men at the gym were interesting to watch too, though not as "researchable" as the first man I mentioned... but men at the gym were dressed differently...almost by what they were doing.. the guys who were spending most of their time lifting weights were wearing loose shorts and tight tank tops...the guys on the cardio equipment were wearing t shirts and gym shorts...some wearing bike shorts...a few men were wearing work out pants... which surprised me...but then I know that some men are self conscious about their legs... call a man chicken legs once...and they will forever be self conscious...so... are there women... are there men... who are 100% secure with their bodies? I don't know...

I got a lot of looks at the gym today... some smiling...some just looking...I think next week I will try to go crutchless to the gym and see what happens, but I will take it through the weekend. I upped my workout today... increased the treadmill to 8 minutes, the bike to 15 minutes, abs to a total of 40 crunches... and arms... 2 sets of 11...(one set of 12 then one set of 10...) then 2 sets of ten squats using the big bouncy ball thingys behind my back... Sara ran on the treadmill while I walked and did the bike. Then... I once again tried the elliptical machine... and lasted again, for about three minutes... let me tell you... the day I get up to ten minutes on that thing... I am going to.... well..... NOT run naked through the gym... but I will do something to celebrate. Once again, it did not recognize my movement on it as a workout... but I think I did do better than last time. So slowly I am increasing my workouts... and it feels good. It also feels good knowing that I got Sara to the gym today. She is so supportive of me and she thanked me tonight, for encouraging her to go to the gym... I told her that I was happy to motivate her...but that there will be a time that I will get frustrated or tired of this and will need her to light a fire under my butt. I want to keep reminding myself of how much I missed working out... and how lucky I am to be able to do it...even if it is small...no MORE excuses.... It's not easy... I soooo want chocolate... Sara and I went to dinner after working out...we both ate healthy... but I wanted something sweet to finish off the evening. I haven't done it yet... but may have some fruit to see if that cuts the craving.

Someone told me that the word determination sums up my blog...that's quite a compliment...and a lot to live up to at the same time...I am determined... to be well...to be healthy...to get my life back.... I think that's what it really comes down to...My knee has controlled so much of my life...what I could do, what I felt like doing...even social interaction was exhausting...so now I feel like I have control...and I like knowing that...it's freeing in a way... and I like the freedom... determination...determined to live...

I have PT again tomorrow...ahhhhhhhh... but it MUST be close to the end of that. I feel like soon I would be able to do what I need to do at the gym. I just need to make sure I do it... so I don't regress. I want to try to make appointments with myself at the gym...just like I have made with PT... and go... no matter what. Maybe I will ask tomorrow at PT about ways to easily get up and down from the floor. I would like to be able to do more ab stuff at the gym, but don't think I could get by behind off the floor at this point. And... that is not something I want to try for the first time at the gym.

I am tired tonight and hope to sleep well. My quality of sleep has been good, but falling asleep has been hard this week... partly I think because I have been thinking about work a lot...trying to make division exciting for kids. Anyway... I suppose that's all for tonight. Until tomorrow Blog buddies..... Cheers... TO Good Health!

P.S. Just got an email from my aunt...asking if I was feeling better... I forgot to let you all know that I am feeling better today... but that was weird...glad it has gone away! [no signs of amoebas in my brain!!!]

Tuesday

I think I have the flu or something...I woke up this morning, felt fine. Went to work and made it through a meeting I had...then around 10:30 or so my stomach started feeling funky. I didn't dare to eat anything...now you know that's trouble. My stomach felt strange...not quite nauseous but not right... combined with a little bit of light headed ness...some of my co-workers said they had been sick over the weekend...then at PT today my therapist said that people there also complained of a bug going around..... geesh... I felt strangely enough to leave school around 12:30 to rest for a while before PT. Resting helped, but I still feel odd... I am kind of hungry, but not sure I dare to eat...not sure I dare not to.... conundrums....

I did go to PT today and got through the workout pretty well. I did the dreaded lunges again....and they stretched my leg...the straightening one...they were happy to hear that I went to the gym, but reminded me to take it easy...yeah yeah... I will...

Hope everyone is doing well... I will try to write more soon...but I am going to chill out tonight.

Back to the gym

Yep.... I did it again. I went to the gym... and did the following workout: 12 min bike, 7 min treadmill, upstairs for 30 situps (see the above photo... that is MY face up there...) and a set of 15 of the arm exercises.... Yay!! Yay!! Yay!!
Yay!! Yay!! I am happy to be back at the gym. It was much more crowded today and I had some starers... but...I figured they were all looking at my bell.... the one on my crutch... My girl Sara did not join me at the gym today, but hopes to on Weds. She was enjoying some time at home and wanted to stay put. I can't blame her. She hasn't been home much lately and hasn't had time just to relax and enjoy being home. I then went into school to get some things done for tomorrow, then... oh yeah.. I almost forgot... I was starving... and was craving Olive Garden salad... so I went to the OG and ordered a salad, to go...which includes breadsticks... I asked that they not include the breadsticks, but before leaving the restaurant, I opened the bag, just to check... and there they were... I could smell them... and I reached in and the bag they were in was nice and warm.....ohhhh....warm breadsticks.... I knew I would not have the won't power to not eat them...so I reached in the bag and took out the breadsticks and left them on the counter... and quickly got outta there... Good thing though... when I left the traffic was pretty busy which meant I had a lot of time that would have been spent eating those easy to eat while driving breadsticks... but I had just worked out... and have eaten well all day.... so... I made the right choice... darn temptin though... I did buy some of their salad dressing to have at home as a treat. I also went grocery shopping today to make sure I have healthy food at work this week. Go me... ok.. so I have many pats on my own back here... but I am excited and happy to be taking care of myself. I deserve it!!!

The Day After...

So today is the day after my first day back at the gym. I was very concerned that I would be in a lot of pain today...even though I had taken some alleve last night. I had a great night's sleep last night...not sure why...but maybe because I used some energy and my body was ready for rest. THe problem being... I slept very late today... very late. Typically I look at the clock as soon as I wake up. TOday I woke up a few times, repositioned myself, and went back to sleep...without lookig at the clock. So what time did I get my bodacious booty out of bed? Ummmm.... I know dad is going to shake his head...... 10:52 a.m....... I got up and was surprised that I did not feel as stiff as I had anticipated. I was stiff, but not to the point where I needed a crutch. I walked around for a few minutes and thought.... hmph....interesting. So I sat and had breakfast....some yogurt with berries and some bran cereal....which is delicious. Then something bizarre happened... I was motivated to clean... I thought about how I can now go to the gym....I have been doing pretty well eating healthy...but that my kitchen space was disasterous...with very little room to do the cooking I enjoy... so I cleaned and got thinsg set up so I can use the space for what it is intended for... prepareing healthy food for me. I now have space where I can use my amazing showtime knives.... (One of my purchases made while couchbound prior to surgery....and I was a sucker for the infomercial... but I LOVE those knoves....) chop chop chop... love it! I also cleaned the living room and dining room... I will tackle my art room soon...because I think I need to do some painting too. I walked around my apartment today, while listning and dancing to Dave Mathews Band and O.A.R. ... I can't clean without music. Later in the day my knee was pretty stiff and sore, so I decided I needed to sit and relax and ice my knee. Aftr doing so I felt better and decided to go to the store to pick up a few things. I actually considered not taking my crutch...but...took it just in case. I think my crutch has become a bit of a psychological crutch as well. I am a little nervous about having to turn quickly or to have kids run into me and not being able to move out of the way... the crutch is a bit of a buffer for me...keeps people conscious of needing to be careful....

Oh well... Tomorrow I am heading back to the gym.. I am taking my friend Sara with me. She has also had an unused gym membership for some time... maybe we can keep each other going... I know I am going to keep going...

I got an email from someone I adore...who said yesterday's blog inspired her to start her healthy habits again... I feel humbled by that...

GOod night Blog Buddies!

GUESS WHAT??? I did IT...

It took a lot... but I did it...

I have been thinking about it for some time... it intimidated me...this morning I was watching something I had recorded from television and just really thought about making today the day. I went back and forth talking myself into it, then rationalizing why I shouldn't do it.... ahhhhhh.... I wanted to....but I didn't.... if I did...would it be a good thing... would it be a bad thing....would it mean that i would then have to do it again...and soon??... what would people think? ... a girl with a crutch is doing THAT??...would I be judged???

So... I decided to do it...but before I did I had to figure out a plan for how I would deal with feeling intimidated...so I formulated a plan... and went for it...

I WENT TO THE GYM....and WORKED OUT!!!
I woke up this morning feeling pretty sore from yesterday's physical therapy. I was cursing my physical therapist and swearing that my day was going to be spent on my couch watching all the shows I had recorded last week and had yet to watch. But here's the thing... last night I went back in this blog...and read all of the July entries...I cried...which surprised me...reliving all of it...and now having it behind me... the surgery part and the roughest part of recovery moved me...it was a good reminder of how far I have come...from not being able to get both legs into the shower to walking on a treadmill....and I also think I let myself feel some of the fear and anxiety I had kind of suppressed at the time.... anyway...get to the point... one of the entries mentioned something my roommate's doctor had said to her...that the best way to alleviate pain was to move...so this morning that was going through my head...as my head was resting on a pillow on my couch as I watched The View...Ghost Hunters....and The Biggest Loser.... I watched the people working out and they went to a gym... one of the women mentioned being the fat girl at the gym... and I understood that. So...I have been trying to psych myself up to return to the gym...I have maintained a membership that I have not used because I wanted so badly to be using it...so I thought to myself, trying to give myself reasons NOT to go....maybe my membership is inactive...even though I have been paying for it..maybe there is some process I have to go through to go back... so I called and asked if I could work out today, given the time that has lapsed since last being there...a pause.... guiltily I wanted her to say...well you will need to fill out some paperwork... not that filling out paperwork would take a long time, but...it would have been enough of a deterrent... but her voice came on and said, yeah, you are all set.................... thanks, I said...hung up the phone... and thought......hmmmmmmmmmm..... no excuses..... no MORE excuses at least... So... I looked at my scar... and knew I wanted to go... but could I go?? Could I face those machines? Could I face the other people who will definitely be in better shape than I am? Could I face the workers who may remember me from before??? Could I face the possibility of getting there and NOT being able to do it...and having to leave??? Could I face people staring at me?? It's strange...as a very tall woman I get stared at...all the time...and I don't let that bother me...but for some reason going to the gym... taking a crutch in with me... made me self conscious...so... I figured I needed some kind of plan... I put on a pair of shorts, a tshirt, and my sneakers...I figured that if I could at least walk inside the gym... and that would be an accomplishment. But then what??? I did not want to just freeze up... so... unnecessarily I packed a bag to take with me to the gym...so that after I checked in I would have a direction...the locker room...what did I put in the bag? Just a cd player...which I could have carried without needing a bag...As it happened Pele called me as I was getting into my truck to go to the gym... perfect timing. He voiced his confidence in me and reminded me that I did not have anything to prove...and that I needed to see it as a warm up work out... so I got to the gym... parked in the handicapped spot...because I do have the sticker... and it insured a quick getaway should I decide I needed that...but it was a bit of an oxymoron...parking in a handicap spot to work out at the gym.... I was NERVOUS... I felt sick to my stomach... that kind of sick to your stomach where you know you are really really nervous or you gotta...well... poop.....so I sat in my truck for a minute before I got out...just looking at it. Not too late to just leave... this was a good step...remembering the way to the gym....but I opened my truck door and got out....no turning back now...I got my crutch and started for the door.

I was relieved when I walked in that there were few people working out...I immediately felt less under the microscope. I checked in and the people at the front desk didn't bat an eye... no big deal to them... so then... I headed.... for the locker room...which I gotta say, was a good part of my plan. I put my bag in a locker, locked it, and got my cd player ready. This was my workout:
12 minutes- bike
5 minutes - treadmill (would have done longer, but wanted to try the next part...)
3 minutes - elliptical machine...I LOVE this machine, but it was HARD for me today... I couldn't even go fast enough for the computer on it to recognize it as someone working out... it thought it was being paused...that was encouraging...not....but I was happy I tried it... I will try it again...
Then I went upstairs...one step at a time... and planned on doing some arm stuff...but I saw one of those exercise balls... the one I used to use at this gym... and decided I was going to see if I could sit on that... and get back up... so I moved it to a corner...in a place where I thought I would be able to pull myself up if my legs were not strong enough to get up... and I could... so I did 25 crunches while on the exercise ball...then I did do some arm exercises...only one set of 10... of an exercise that combines curls, and a couple other exercises that I can't remember the name of... but I only did ten... Then I went back down stairs... one at a time... and walked to the desk to ask a question... one that I had wondered about but was a little embarrassed to ask.... could you please tell me the last day I was here to work out...prior to today? August 15, 2006......more than a year...not as long as I had thought...but still pretty bad...and at that point I know that I was not going regularly and was not doing much because of the pain and swelling...

Did people look at me funny? Yeah... why? well.. I am sure there are many reasons... the crutch... the height... the bodacious behind...I don't know... but I am happy I went. and I will go again...probably not tomorrow, because I want to assess how I feel after this....but I hope to go on Monday. and maybe try to go on the days I don't have PT...at least to do my arm stuff and just to get more and more comfortable with going, and more and more used to a routine of doing something for exercise every day...

I also did something else today... inspired by the Biggest Loser... I took pictures of myself in a pair of shorts and a sports bra... NOT pretty my friends...and you do NOT get to see them... but I have them... and have decided to try to do that at least once a month....just for my benefit... to see the changes that will happen in my body... now those pictures would surely require viewer discretion!!!

What a week...

What a week....crazy really... FLEW by... one of my students got suspended...I realized that once again my students have sucked me in and I find myself wondering about them when I am not at school... what would work for this kid...would this help that kid.... ahhhh... I am attached!!! then there is te whole brain eating amoebas... yikes... and there is torture.... physical therapy... OH MY GOSH... new exercises today... lunges... I hated lunges when I was physically healthy....ahhhh.. not just a couple... I did 40 with each leg... 4 different types... in addition to the bike, the treadmill...whose backwards time was increased along with the speeed.... then... there was stretching...the wretched stretching....ahhhhhhhhhh... but when I lay on my back I can now bend my knee up as far as the other leg...so I have hit my "normal" range... that word again...normal.....and still close to being straight, but not close enough. It hurt a lot today...and I had it at a different time... at 7 a.m. before I went to work... so I was stiff today...however, at the end of the day I was leaving and got down the hall and realized I was about to forget my crutch in my classroom... so I guess that is a good sign.

Tonight I got to hang with some friends. My girl Sara is back from her business trip so we hung out and I told her about my adventures...it was nice. I have missed her. Then I met up with a few other friends and also had some laughs. I was tired though... and was glad to get home at a decent hour.

I have been doing well eating healthy and think that with the PT stepping up I should be on a good track to be healthy and losing some of this weight that I had gained when my knee problems really got bad. So I am exicted... A special Shout out to Jill who is working hard to lose some weight and doing a great job... just don't starve yourself Girl!!!

Also, have to give a special hello to Shari in CA, who had surgery two weeks ago... I got a great email from her tonight and can't wait to write to her tomorrow...when I can really give more energy to it... I am kind of beat tonight.

That's all for tonight...

except this... LOLA... you are amazing...you can be a film maker, an author, an artist, and everything else.... you are so many things....I love them all.

PT

Biking...walking...walking backwards....straight leg lifts...short arc quads...quad sets...wall slides...heel slides....stretch...bend...ahhhhhhhhhh... I did more resistance/speed today and more time in all areas...got up to 1.5 going forward on the treadmill...0.6 backwards...so.... tomorrow...I may be in pain... we'll see. I survived. What other exciting things can I share with you all? I put my trash out tonight... I am blogging from a coffee shop because my internet at home was not connecting...so...because of my addiction to this internet stuff... I had to leave my house and find WiFi. Oh.. I took myself out to eat tonight too...at one of my favorite places....favorite because of their wings... however..since I am being healthy... I ordered a wrap with grilled chicken instead of the breaded fried things...but did order extra hot sauce...and had a side salad... not as healthy as I would have done at home maybe, but I was starvin Marvin...and did not feel like cooking...so it was that or fast food...so it was a healthier choice.

That's all today friends...except I will tell you that a GIANT paper MOTH appeared on my desk today...complete with fangs...with which..I am sure... it intended to eat me....

Later gators...

P.S.... I finally got up the courage to open sympathy cards that have been at my house for a while....touching....thank you to all....

A Lighter note...

My blog yesterday was a little heavy. I know people understand how I am feeling... and a special thanks to Jill... your words were very comforting to me...and while it isn't easy, it is nice to know other people understand... I can't imagine having kids which you are so proud of...and no having the people you love most share that with you... Thanks for sharing that Jill. Mom... what can I say... I love ya...

Anyway... on a lighter note.. today was a good day... My knee felt pretty good... and I walked around a little without crutches. Also... I had created something for my students and shared it with my principal... he asked if he could copy it for our entire staff to use with all of our kids. So that's cool.

I have learned that one of my co-workers uses my life to entertain her family...so far she has shared with them my shallow dating pool saga...which apparently got a lot of laughs...but also had her husband saying...we gotta find a good guy for her.... She has also shared my moth fear with them...yes people I am afraid of moths...last summer...like over a year ago..last summer... she found a moth carcass on her deck... and what did she think about? ME... so she put the thing in a ziplock baggy and once school started, that sucker ended up on my desk... NO THANKS... she said she was trying to desensitize me to it....some kind of MOTHerapy the other day this fear entered my classroom...which by the way, is right next to her classroom...I was telling her that recently there was a show on television about cryptozoology...if you don't know what that is... google it.... So one of the segments was about "Mothman"...in West Virginia... so she was laughing at me... anyway she showed my students the moth...which is still in a ziplock bag...which is kept tacked to her bulletin board... sick, right? So...in front of my students she asked about the origin of this fear...and I told her about it... she was laughing sooo hard...so she told her family about it... Apparently she used to share kid stories about her days... now...she shares stories about me...so today's story... is about my new fear... amoebas in the brain... I am NOT kidding...and Yes... I realize how crazy this makes me seem...

Seriously people... amoebas in your brain is bad... I heard about it on the radio today and was mortified... amoebas can go up your nose, into your brain...and eats your brain... you get a stiff neck, headaches,and fevers...and eventually have hallucinations...then... your dead... this can happen from swimming, crazy, right?
Check out this article: http://seattlepi.nwsource.com/national/333663_amoeba29.html?source=mypi
I'm serious...cut and paste that link into your browser... or google amoeba in brain...and click on the 5th or 6th one down that is dated Sept.29, 2007. Needless to say... I never want to swim again!!! It's like a science fiction movie... you may say, "well... that happens so infrequently I shouldn't worry"... HELLO people... PVNS... 1 in a million....I got that.... so my odds...not so good...

So... My co-workers evening will be spent sharing my new fear with her family... though I did give her a copy of the article to prove I wasn't making it up... who could make that up? I couldn't even do that... Geesh... my 7th grade science teacher..Ms. Anderson I think was her name...risked my life... I remember we walked to a pond to collect some water that we were going to look at through a microscope...and guess what we found... Amoebas... yeah that's right... danger!!!

Insane??? Maybe...So... folks...now you know what I think about when I am not being all sentimental... which do you prefer??

Enjoy your evenings....

Six minutes forward......two minutes back???

Today I had PT and did just that... walked on the treadmill 6 minutes forward and 2 minutes backwards...again...without falling... yay! I also did 12 minutes on the bike plus a lot of other strengthening exercises...so my legs were tired and I was shaky doing my last exercise...squats...granted they are mini squats and I am leaning on a wall, but by then my quads were tired... But I did it. My knee felt good throughout the day and I hope that the same is true for tomorrow...especially after another demanding PT session.

My cold is a little better today, though I am still very stuffy. I know..excitinng stuff I have here today. I debated about blogging, but talked to my mom and she asked if I had done it yet.... so.. I suppose I will.

Today at work I shared my wonderful story of how shallow the dating pool is...based on last week's date... had not yet been able to tell co-workers about it...until I, myself could laugh.... let's just say... those who know the details...agree... dating pool depth = bird bath!!! There HAVE To bee good NORMAL men out there!!!

I do have some exciting news...my partner in crime Sara is coming home tonight. She has been away for about three weeks on business and I have missed her a lot... We are going to have to go on another adventure soon...more motivation to get rid of this stinking cold.

It is chilly tonight. A good night for wrapping up in quilts.

Two weeks ago today my grandmother died. Two weeks ago today I watched my mom say a final good bye to her mother. I saw love, life, and death all in the same moment. Mourning is a hard process...one minute you're fine, the next, like me now...crying. Things unexpectedly make you cry or become reflective... the clematis that I took a picture of last week...made me think Gramie was somehow saying hello to me. There is a beautiful clematis outside of her apartment and she always loved it...hoped that the robins would nest in it each spring. Then there is reading other people'e thoughts or comments....knowing that my grandmother talked to my sister about me...about wanting me to find love... breaks my heart. I don't...didn't want her to be worrying about me...just wanted her to be thinking about how much love she added to my life...how much she added to who I am...but that was Gramie...wanting everyone she loved to be happy...and she knows...knew.. how much finding someone means to me. Maybe this will be one of her projects...maybe she will add depth to the dating pool... I have to admit...one of my many thoughts about Gramie's death was... damn it...one less grandparent to see me get married. I remember my sister's wedding... and how amazing it was to have people there who had so many years of love between them...and how do I refer to things pertaining to my grandmother...past or present... she knows...or she knew... does her knowledge just go away? I guess it depends on what you believe. I have thought a lot about the day gramie died... how she looked...how she felt...to my touch.....she was cool...her skin was smooth...her hands were pale...her fingernails long, like I always known them to be....not long like too long, but long enough to look well groomed and feminine...her body...had been through so much...Our tears fell on her, on her bed... as we tried to be strong and couragously and selflessly say good bye...I miss her...I can't imagine how different it is for my parents...sharing a house with someone for 20 years and then having that person not there. Mom... I know you are strong...but I know it is hard. Dad...I know you are strong too...and also know it is hard for you...Sis...I know that even though you won't have new mittens this winter...your heart will be warmed...and I know it is hard...and I know you are strong...

Wow... where did all that come from?

Here is a cute story about all this...my middle nephew had some insights to Gramie's death...He said that "Nana" as she was known to him... will get to be buried in the ground with a bog rock over her... and then 2-3 weeks later she gets to be a ghost...gets to jump out and scare people...and haunt people's house. So...Nana gets to be a Halloween ghost...he thought it was kind of cool...kids are amazing... GETS to be a ghost....Anyway...

Sorry for the randomness of this blog...but that's what happens when my sinuses are bad.... course now they are more stuffy...

Later......