Mirror Mirror....

Mirror mirror on the wall......who's the....._________est of them all???

If I had a magical mirror, what title would I want? Today I am having a hard day. I have been beating myself up... I'm mad today... sad today... frustrated... I woke up this morning after another sleepless night and in pain. I tried to get myself going this morning, but felt unsteady on my leg. I felt pain when I tried to bear weight on it. Emotionally I went back to a place I had not been in a while...since last year when I fought so hard to make myself go to work...to get through the pain and go. I decided to stay home today because I hurt... and because I am mad that I hurt. I want to be past this stage. I don't want to remind myself of how much progress I have made and how far I have come... because today, it doesn't feel like that. Tomorrow will mark three months since surgery... and by this time I really wanted to be doing what I wanted to do. I HATE feeling limited...

I did go to PT today and they took it easy on me. They were a little concerned about the pain and told me I need to take it easy...so that means I won't go back to the gym at least until the weekend. I cried at PT...because I was so mad and frustrated and that there didn't seem to be a specific reason for the pain...could have been the new squats...could have been the added lunges....or it could just be a flare up....AHHHHHHHHHHHHH.....So how did I handle this? I got a pizza, chips, and a brownie. Smart move, right? So... as I was consuming food that I know does not add to my healthy lifestyle... I told myself how ridiculous I was for resorting to comfort food. So mirror mirror on the wall...who's the lamest...no...pathetic-est...no...stupidest....ridiculous-est... of them all???

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Tomorrow needs to be better. Tomorrow I need to feel less pain...tomorrow I need to eat the healthy food that is here and not do more damage to my body...Tomorrow...