Fortune teller

Later today I will be heading to a Halloween party, as a fortune teller. Would I really want to have the power to predict the future? I don't know. There are things about the future that I want to know... like being absolutely sure that I am done with PVNS... that I will get married and be a mother one day... that people in my life will be happy and healthy...that my cousin will recover fully from his accident yesterday... That's what I WANT to know... but what if none of those things are in my future? Would I want to know that? Probably not.

Does the future change or is it predestined? I don't know. If I am meant to live in a hut on the beach of one of the Hawaiian islands, will I get there, no matter what other choices I make? Or do my choices alter the future. If today I could see the future...and then replayed it tomorrow, would it be the same or would it be different based on today's events? Hmm... So tonight at this party I will playfully tell people's fortunes... actually I am planning on having people ask me yes or no questions... and give them a random answer...based on the answers that are given by those magic 8 ball things... you know... you shake it and that little cube floats around inside and then settles on answers like definitely, it is decidedly so, concentrate and ask again, most likely, and no. Hopefully it will be fun... I will take pictures and share them on here tomorrow.

My cousin's accident has got me thinking... surprising right? Thinking about how quickly life changes. My cousin was working, doing something as I am sure he has done many times. He and a co-worker were in the process of fixing part of a front end loader and the bucket came down on them just as they were about to secure it... My cousin's coworker had some injuries on his face and jaw and has already been released from he hospital. My cousin's injuries are more severe. He was hit in the head, I think above his left eye...the impact was so great that his skull was shattered... His surgery last night involved a brain surgeon, a neurologist, an opthamologist, and a few others... The good news... his brain does not appear to have been damaged... none of the bone fragments from his skull became embedded in his brain...and they were able to find most of the bone fragments, meaning... I think... that they were able to reconstruct that area... I hope. At this point my cousin is in ICU and heavily sedated. The surgeons are optimistic that he will be able to hear and see, but will not be able to verify that until my cousin is awake enough to share that information. He is sedated and on a ventilator, but is being woken up regularly to check his responsiveness. There is a long road ahead. His face has been badly damaged and will require reconstructive surgery and there is a possibility of substantial sinus issues ahead... but... he is alive...and will most likely recover... thank goodness. Thank Goodness...

This accident reminds me of something that happened when I was in college...though I hope the outcome for my cousin is not the same as it was for the man in my story...

When I was in college I worked in a paper mill during the summers. I met a lot of people, all interesting, some sweet, funny, and kind, others, well...disturbed. But those stories are for another time. One man, who at the time was 28, and was very friendly to us college "kids." He had recently been married, a couple of years, and he and his bride were trying to have kids. I remember the day that this happened...and the days following... and think about it all often...though as time passes... not as often as I used to...

He had been in the break room with us and made a joke as he left the break room to return to his job.... he did something he had done for years, a routine part of the job...and was killed. In an instant... The details are very much present in my mind...and have replayed it in my head several times. I will not share them here... because I don't want to go back to that moment in detail...though it is hard not to... but I will share that incident, along with others that summer, really sent me into a tailspin...made me contemplate life and death...the meanings of both. Why one person who tried to end her life survived(separate story) ...and this man, my co-worker, who had so much to live for... died... I did a lot of writing about that time in my life... and though writing about it all helped, I never got the answers I was looking for...or any answers a all, really. Why was I there that night? Why was HE there that night? how/why does death "choose" to act when/where it does?

My cousin's accident reminds me of this because of how quickly things happen... how we go through our lives, doing things we have done several times before...and how we can't know when something in that is routine can go horrifically wrong. We cannot predict what will happen... when things will go well, when things will go wrong... and I guess, what I know for sure... is that sometimes not knowing...is protective.

So...tonight as I play a fortune teller...will simply wish good fortune for those who seek that knowledge... (I know the party won't be this deep...but...again... this is the way my brain works...)

Stay tuned for pictures...