Ahhhhhhhhhhh...

Today is a day of relaxation...I had a great weekend. As I told you, my mom and her friends came to visit on Friday and it was great to have them here. While they were rocking out at the gospel concert, I was hanging with a friend of mine, Sue. We had a good time just chilling out at a local bar and then went to another restaurant for dessert. Saturday, mom and her friends took me out to breakfast and we then went shopping at a store they like and rarely get to go there. It was nice. From there...I got to spend time with a few different people. My friend Sue and I went to have pedicures and manicures. It was fun... I like having a pedicure, but it tickles...and I am ticklish...so one part of the process feels good and tickles all at the same time... I do all I can to not kick the poor woman, who is doing the pedicure, across the room. Why pedicures and manicures? well, the rest of my day was spent investigating.... investigating the depth of the dating pool once again... Two investigations were held yesterday! (Don't judge me people!!! It's just the way it worked out)... The full report will not be posted here, but it is nice to know that it is possible to have a date that involves good conversation with very little awkwardness. For the record...on the first date... I got carded... at a place I go to enough that the waitress should have remembered me... and my date...did not get carded... HA! Anyway...

Today has been nice. I went to a football game in which some of my students played. I had told them that I was going to try to get to a game this season. Well, this was the last home game. So I told them if it wasn't raining I would go... The sun was shining so I went. It is great to see kids in such a different setting. I enjoy that...think that's why coaching is important to me. My knee is feeling pretty good... I tried to not overdo this weekend and tried to be cautious, like taking my crutch as I walked out to the football field today, because the ground was so uneven. I have PT again Tuesday...I think that Sara and I are going to go to the gym tomorrow...but I am going to take it very easy...VERY easy. I got off track last week with my eating...and having such a busy weekend does not help much... But tomorrow I am back on track...and when I have the next setback through PT, which I am sure will come... I will do better...be better to myself.

On a separate topic... I was watching some of my shows that I had recorded last week. Some topic on The View that made me shake my head... apparently a professor, a black woman, at Columbia was the victim of racism... a noose was hung on her doorknob...so I googled it and found other recent incidents involving nooses...the Jena 6... a woman in Brooklyn I think it was...who hung a noose in her tree and told her black neighbor that she was going to hang those black kids... apparently there are hate groups out there who have posted the names and addresses of the Jena 6 boys and have encouraged people to seek justice in their own way... That makes me sick to my stomach... where does that hate come from? The following are the words to a song from South Pacific:

"Cable:
You've got to be taught
To hate and fear,
You've got to be taught
From year to year,
It's got to be drummed
In your dear little ear
You've got to be carefully taught.

You've got to be taught to be afraid
Of people whose eyes are oddly made,
And people whose skin is a diff'rent shade,
You've got to be carefully taught.

You've got to be taught before it's too late,
Before you are six or seven or eight,
To hate all the people your relatives hate,
You've got to be carefully taught!"

...Yes... hate is taught...I consider myself to be a tolerant person, but I am intolerant of intolerance.... so am I a hypocrite? Recently I had begun conversing with a man I had gone out on a date with a while ago. We had met in Sturbridge Village...but that's beside the point. He had contacted me and wanted to start communicating again and also see each other again... flattering, yes... but in some of our discussions things came up that bothered me...gave me a weird nervous sensation... he used descriptions when talking about people who are not white as "them" or "those people"... not using those terms as pronouns..but in a derogatory way. So I asked him about his views of various things..and one of his pet peeves is the way "they" dress....with their pants way down low with their underwear showing...and in his mind... somehow the way that someone dressed, in his mind...justifies the use of the N word. So I asked him if he was racist... he said no...quickly followed by the following statement... I have black friends. So I asked him if he uses the N word around his black friends. His response...of course not. When I asked why not, he said it would not be appropriate. I said it's never appropriate. He then asked me a lot of questions...like...if you were walking down the sidewalk and coming toward you you noticed a white man on one sidewalk, and a black man on the other sidewalk, which sidewalk would I choose to walk on. My response... the sidewalk I was currently walking on. He didn't believe me... he said, Come on... you know you would prefer to walk past a white man....As irony works... earlier that day I had been driving...and had to stop at an intersection. At this intersection there was a man who was kind of wobbling as he stood on the sidewalk and then started crossing traffic and did not walk in a straight line...he was wearing clothing that looked dirty...and he looked a little out of it... I immediately locked my door in my truck... and I started telling this story to this man and he said, see...you locked the door... I said..yes... I was nervous based on this WHITE man's appearance. Was I judgemental? Yes.. Is that right? I don't know... and I have thought about that situation since. I also told this man that I thought about that situation and questioned myself and my actions and my judgement... he was so surprised that I would reflect on that... He thought I was not telling him the truth about my thoughts...that a white chick from Maine could feel like I feel... He then justified his use of the N word, by saying that he uses that word to describe some white punks who are trying to be black. That phrase bothers me too...'trying to be black'... in his mind trying to be black means dressing with low pants with underwear hanging out... I do not know who was the first person to wear their pants in that style... if it was intentional, or if they had to wear pants worn by an older sibling and there was no belt available... who knows... but regardless of its history...if someone chooses to dress that way, why is that trying to act black? Why is it not seen as a fashion choice or statement...regardless of race. Do I like that style? Not particularly...but does that style mean anything about that person's character or intellect? According to this man it did. So the more I talked with him, the more I considered him a racist... and again asked him about his thinking and asked him if his black friends knew that he used the n word and in what context. He said that he has never had that discussion with his friends. Why would he? I told him, that if he truly feels he is not a racist...that he sould feel comfortable having such a conversation with the black people he feels are his friends... He won't. I asked him about interracial dating...he said...well... I think it is hard on the children of interracial couples... I told him I thought that excuse was BS... and it is... I said to him... if people didn't feel/think the way he does...children would not have to be worried about how they were treated...it wouldn't be an issue... he said he has never been attracted to a black woman...has never found a black woman attractive. I challenged him on that too... what if a black woman had all of the other qualities he wanted... he said a black woman would not have those characteristics...that he would never be attracted to a black woman. While I think we all have preferences in the attraction sense....I just can not believe that someone's race could be a deterrent when the person possesses so many amazing attributes.... I don't get that.... So after this discussion he wanted to change the subject... back to when he and I were going to meet again. I told him that I did not want to date someone who thinks like he does. He was highly offended and thought that the topic of racism should not be a dealbreaker...should not change the way people interact... I said that it does change things... I do not and will not be married to someone...have children with someone...who feels like that. He said... well I would never teach my children to use the n word... I said..you may not teach them to use or not use that particular word, but you will teach them to hate. He disagreed... felt he could filter such attitudes if he had kids.... so I said... filter it like you do with your black friends.... I said kids know and pick up on your attitude and there is no way I could date someone with his thinking... So.... is racism alive and well? YES.

The View mentioned that research suggests that there are racial hate groups out there and their membership is strongest in younger people...in the worked in which we live...so connected to other people worldwide...how/why are younger people joining these groups and feeling that their membership/hatred is justified... because hate is taught...put kids together, or varying ethnicities...and they will play together....unless they have been taught not to...

I am not perfect... I judge people... I reflect on that. I see people at the grocery store and wonder about their parenting skills, based on one moment of an interaction with their child... I see people when I walk around...people who are dressed in an unkempt manner.... and I judge... I assume homelessness...poverty... and prepare myself on how I will refuse to give them any change... does this make me any different than the man I mentioned above...who is racist? I don't know....I also passed judgement on him as being a racist....why should I have any right to do that?... I hope I am more reflective... I hope that I call myself and my judgements out on the carpet sometimes...and I hope I learn from that.

I hope that hate stops... I hope that nooses do not begin appearing more often... as Whoopi said on The View...'is the noose the new burning cross on your lawn?' (I probably paraphrased that.)

Scary...I will try to do my part...to not hate...and to challenge others to do the same.