What to wish for...

My grandmother is still in the hospital...and not doing well. I left the hospital today to come home because I have to go to Boston Monday for my knee follow up and my knee is stiffening up and I need a day to try to help that a little before going to see my doctor... Leaving sucked... I felt a little like a coward because I kind of just up and left...without much warning. It was hard...that is probably the last time I will have a conversation with my grandmother...and it wasn't really very lucid. I know she knew I was there today, but she was struggling so she was not talking much...only to ask for someone to help her get comfortable, which seems impossible...Mom...is wiped out... and while I understand her need to be there 24/7 I worry about her. Dad is worried...about Gramie and about Mom...he knows how upset mom is, how scared she is and mom won't let it out... she doesn't want us to hug her because she will lose it....and it is hard for Dad to not be able to fix it all...

Gram is suffering...I want her to feel better, to be able to at least feel well enough to rest, which right now, she can't get comfortable enough to do that. I don't know what to wish for. I hate not being there.