Late Entry

Hey Blog buddies! It is late for me to be posting, but today has been a weird kind of day. I was tired most of the day and tried to take a nap this afternoon, which ended up being a lot of time tossing and turning and very little sleep. My leg hurt quite a bit today compared to how it has been feeling. It has been really stiff and hard to bend...even harder than usual. I doubt I could have gotten in the truck today. So tonight I am more awake than usual. THe good part about that is that I had the chance to talk to my friend Jill who lives in California. Jill and I grew up together. We weren't close friends until our senior year in high school. She is a cool chick. She has had a lot of different experiences since high school and is now married with two kids in CA. She is happy and I am sooo happy for her. She is one of those people who has been in and out of my life since high school. She is better at staying in touch than I am. Whenever we get back in touch we seem to be able to pick up where we left off...It's nice. I am so glad that we have reconnected again. She and her family are coming to Maine in a couple of weeks and I will get to meet her kids for the first time. I have seen pics...and they are adorable, but I am so excited to meet them in person. Jill has been following my blog and has definitely helped me keep my head on straight by leaving comments and sending me emails. Like some of my other friends, she is not geographically nearby, but her support is felt strongly. Thanks Jill!

I dread physical therapy tomorrow. I only did my exercises twice today...but that was all my body could handle. Today I felt like I had less control over my knee than I have had in in about a week or so. My brain would tell it something and my knee was like, I don't think so girlfriend! This morning, getting into the shower was more challenging too.. for the first time in a while I was not sure if I was going to bend my knee enough to get that left leg into the shower.... I did, but it was not easy. I have to tell myself that it is ok...that as I do more on my knee I will have a few setbacks...that there will be some pain and that this isn't going to be fixed quickly. Some friends called me tonight...hadn't talked to them since school ended. (They are married and both teachers at my school.) One asked me if I was off crutches yet. I think people hear knee surgery and assume it is arthroscopic and BOOM...back to yourself in a few days. These are two of the people who knew about my surgery and what it would entail, but were very surprised when I talked to them tonight...surprised about how....well...disabled it has made me. Thankfully temporarily....and I gotta say, tonight I was in my kitchen getting some water and as I set one of my crutches aside to be able to bend enough to reach the water that was on the bottom shelf of the fridge...I thought...about people who are on crutches all the time....who do not have a period of recovery to which there is an end. It takes SOOOOOO much more energy to do things...so my hat is off to people who face physical challenges on a daily basis. Bravo!

My head is jumping around tonight from one thing to another...sorry about that.

I had company today...Sheila came by this morning and brought with her, the newest member of her family.... a chihuahua puppy....about 3 months old... He is adorable. My cats could have eaten him for breakfast because he is so small, but cute....so cute! It was great to see Sheila. then Sara and Phil came by. They were out doing some errands and came over to say hello. It was nice.

Jill and I talked tonight...about dating...she's married so she's not in the single scene annymore, but asked me about that part of my life. It's hard...I so want to get married and have kids one day. Just not sure when that day will come. Many times throughout this whole knee process... I have wanted to have someone to lean on...a boyfriend...whose support would be different than one can get from friends and family...not better, just different...and it is hard that I don't have that person...but maybe through all of this... I would not have been a good partner for someone...because it has been so consuming. I can't imagine having had kids and having gone through this pain and depression....so maybe things are working out as they are supposed to. Gotta have faith, right?

So this entry has taken some weird twists and turns my friends....maybe I should stick to blogging in the A.M. hours.... I am going to sign off for now....night...