Expectations...

At practice tonight I got a chance to talk to one of 'my kids.' She is a wonderful young lady. She's respetful to her parents, teachers, and coaches. She is a very intelligent person with great grades. She is an athlete... she is good at every sport in which she participates. She has a lot of heart....and puts everything she's got into everything she does.... usually. Our last meet she seemed a bit... flat...for lack of a better word. I asked her if she was ok and she kind of shrugged and said she was fine. I attributed it to her attendance at the dance the night before and being tired...but I kept my eye on her. This week at practice she has continued to seem distant which is very atypical behavior for her. Last night I told her I was concerned about her, not about her as an athlete, but as a person. She told me not to worry that she just wasn't into track this year. That she didn't want to do it, but her mom made her. As a coach, my reaction to that is mixed... I think it's great for kids to be involved... and also believe in seeing something through once you have committed to it... but this kid... which I think is important to remember... she is 15 or 16 years old... a sophomore in high school... is busy all the time. She competes in indoor soccer leagues year round... in addition to that she plays soccer for our school in the fall, does indoor track in the winter, and will play softball in the spring... She already has colleges scouting her talent... I asked her tonight...when was the last weekend you had where you just got to relax and hang out with your friends or family... she laughed a little and said.. the only time I don't have some game on the weekends is if I am sick or the weather is bad. She told me she sometimes wishes she could just be a kid. She feels a lot of pressure. She confided in me that she had a bit of a melt down this fall over this stuff and her parents took her to therapy... which is smart of them... but wonder what's different for her now? Not necessarily for me to know. I talked to her more abotu her feelings about track and told her that she is a great leader and that if she decided to do it nexy year, in all likelihood she would be one of the captains... and she said she knows and for that she doesn't want to let me or the other coaches down. I told her that I think it is great that she is worried about that, but also told her that I understood that she needs to make time for herself. I told her she has plenty of time in her life to be pulled and pushed in a million directions... I told her that I would respect her in any decision she makes because I know who she is and know that she would be making decisions that were best for her. I also really tried to leave the door open, for her to come to talk to me if she needs/wants to. She is a far better athlete than I ever was. But I remember being recruited by colleges to play basketball, and remember the pressure that it added. It's not easy... to be that kid... who is supposed to be good at everything and be good to everyone... and to always do the right thing.

Do the expectations that this kid feels put on her by her family or from herself? I am sure that she got into sports because both of her parents were athletic and involved in sports... and I am sure that once they recognized her athletic ability, they encouraged it and did all they could to support her... but she said to me today... it's just not fun anymore...

Expectations, whether we put them on ourselves or accept them from others... are difficult to deal with. Sometimes they are realistic, other times not so much. we do this in every area of our lives.

I think about what expectations I had about surgery, about this condition and recovery.... and realize that I did not know what to expect...I was told about what would happen before and during surgery and given a briefing about the recovery... but really... I don't think that I had any idea what this was going to be like. Even with the same condition myself and other PVNS patients have gone through such different treatments and recoveries.

So with so many expectations... how do we not disappoint ourselves? each other? those who love us? How do we make our expectations realistic without settling?

How insightful is it that this girl knows she just wants to be a kid for a while...because she never gets to just be a kid... Do we offer that to our kids? The expectation of just being kids? I don't know...

A special Congratulations and Good Luck to Jill and family Thursday as they sign the papers for their new house! Yahoooooooo!