The mountain is calling...

I can't take credit for this photograph... I found it online on a website called flickr and I believe the photographer's name was Chris Bennett... definitely some irony there...but the photo is beautiful. It is Mt. Katahdin, a beautiful shot... and something about this picture that makes me able to hear the silence...smell the air... and it creates a sense of longing... wishing for that peaceful feeling is captures...

Tomorrow my father is heading to the mountain... to the campground where he and mom have spent many many days... for years their summers have been spent in their camper at the base of the mountain... After mom died...one of the hospice nurses told dad that mom had said she wanted him to go to the mountain... I had hoped, for a long time that dad would continue going there, enjoying it... but wasn't sure he would. He has cautiously told us that he is going... and he will see what happens. It was their "place".... visiting them there often felt more like going home than going to their house...

He has spoken with a few of the other 'regulars' form the campground and it seems that he will have a couple of days there by himself... and he said he is kind of grateful for it... to have some time to get settled... have some private time there...between him, the mountain... and mom...I truly hope he can find comfort in being there and that he wants to stay for the summer, but I also know it may be very hard... being there will remind him every moment that she is not there... and it may be too much...

But... he is going... and that alone, is a HUGE accomplishment... he has been working to get ready... doing something.... moving forward even though it feels like there is no direction right now.

Last weekend... the whole birthdays/mother's day thing... was hard... and we miss her... I miss her.


I haven't written much lately... and I think it's because I am in a holding pattern... it often takes my brain some time to be able to articulate all that swirls around in my head. When there is a lot going on, a lot of emotional stuff and I can't write I know that I am unsettled...unsure... and that I am struggling... when I am writing more, it means am processing more... and I've just been kind of numb these last few weeks...

Hearing yesterday that Meg's mom died... hit me hard... and reminds me that there are still many tears to come... many many tears... and much more to process... but for now... I am optimistic for my dad... for his summer... it will be hard... but I hope he can manage...