Memorial Day Weekend...

It's been a busy weekend. A good weekend, but busy. Friday, massage... Saturday Zumba & babysitting...Sunday worked on the turnpike...today... walk on the beach and lunch with friends.... phew... I need a nap...I was a little restless after getting home last night after working. I debated about going to the movies, or going out to dinner... but I ended up staying put, made some guacamole and relaxed... it is hard for me to do that... I felt like I should be doing something or needed to find something to do... I even called a friend to go out to dinner, but she was busy... which left me with myself....I guess that's not such a bad thing... but I think I may need to get used to it again... I have had a lot of time to myself over the years... being single...living solo...but recently time spent alone was usually in the truck, driving to or from visiting mom and dad...or being on edge awaiting a phone call... so time by myself has not been relaxing in a long time... knowing that, I kind of forced myself to stay put last night. I was really close to going to the movies solo, which I really enjoy, but I knew that last night my motivation would have been to escape from something, time alone, instead of going towards something I really wanted to do... So last night I sat out on my porch, which I have rarely done since living here...enjoyed some fresh air... watered my flowers... and watched a stray cat who has decided I am ok as far as humans go... I feel bad for him because he seems homeless... he's a little dirty... but he looks almost identical to one of my cats, Lucy...but his fur is much longer. I ended up going to bed fairly early last night, but I think it was good for me. This morning I woke up around 6:00 and quickly told my body it was not a work day, but when I was still awake at 7:15, I decided to get up. It looked beautiful outside...and I thought about going for a nice walk on the beach... then thought that maybe I would just stay home and have a nice quiet breakfast... but the beach was still on my mind, so I went. I went to my favorite beach... it was absolutely gorgeous! I had taken a windbreaker with me anticipating a breezy walk, but it was perfect weather... warm with a slight breeze...with no need for a sweatshirt... from the beach I love so much you can see the pier that is on a more popular beach... so I decided I would walk to the pier and back... thinking maybe it would take me 40 minutes or so, total... (and broke my beach rule by wearing shoes...good shoes...so I wouldn't hurt myself!) well... after about 30 minutes I still had not made it to the pier, but decided to keep going. Fifteen minutes later I made it to the pier... and wished I had brought along some water... but I was ok.. There were a lot of people and dogs on the beach, but not too crowded. I figured that the crowds would be gone, tourists heading back to their own homes, leaving us Mainers to our own beaches... but there were still some 'people from away' around, and that was ok. I was happy to see so many people enjoying the beautiful morning. So, I walked back to where I had started... pausing briefly when I knew I was close to the end of my walk to take off my shoes and socks... so I could walk the last 10 minutes or so barefoot, in and out of the water... which felt soooooooo good on my feet. I then drove from where I had parked to the pier at the other beach and it was 2.8 miles, so I walked 5.6 miles today in about an hour and a half...it was a great way to start the day. Then I got a bonus... on my way home I stopped at a farm stand... and they sold rhubarb...I LOVE rhubarb... raw... with a little salt... it is so soury... my mom and sister and I used to eat so much of my Grandmother's rhubarb we couldn't taste anything else for days. I was so excited to have some rhubarb that I ate it in the car on my car ride home... without salt. It was sooooo good. Then I went over to a friend's house for lunch. She loves close by, so I made a fruit salad and walked down the hill to her house. It was nice to visit with her, her boyfriend, her sister (Also a good friend), and her niece... we had a nice lunch... now I am home... sitting once again, on my porch as I type this... my indoor kitties are at the window talking to me.... it is breezy out here... but it is nice. I like this kind of weather... not too hot... and wish summer in Maine was like today, every day. Being at the beach today makes me look forward to bringing my nephews there this summer. They love the beach so much and I love going with them. I look forward to that...

It's so strange to think about the weekends now... without travelling to see my parents... it is hard to know what a 'normal' weekend should be... Normal has been redefined so much in the last 14 months... and now I feel like I am supposed to return to some kind of 'normal' routine... which I suppose is what life was like before mom got sick... which is hard to remember... I want to remember more about that time period, before she was sick... but so much happened that it is hard to think of that... Rico shared with me that is is still hard for him to think about his mom...or I should say, think of his mom, other than being sick... and I totally get that. But I do believe that one day I will be able to think about her being and doing so much more... but it's a process... and getting back to normal...isn't... maybe I need to not think of it as going 'back' to normal... because backwards is not a direction I want to take often in my life... maybe I need to just keep looking forward...and when I can.. enjoy the moment... There were a lot of great moments this weekend... and I did enjoy them, all of them. Even the ones spent in my own company.