Hooray for the First of July

It's the first of July... and I have had a few days to digest everything... and I am still pretty emotional about it... People have been very excited for me, some even teared up for me... which was very touching... but other people... I think... have wondered what the big deal is... why I am so emotional about it. I think in some people's eyes I had this weird tumor type thing, had it removed, and have recovered...and... in Hollywood terms... that's a wrap. For me it hasn't been close to being a wrap... I haven't been as open about my anxiety related to the recurrence part of PVNS as I have been about other things... I haven't wanted to have other people worry about me any more than they do already. And.. I think the anxiety has been greater than even I realized... but.. I am calming down... and shifting gears.

As you may have read in my letter to PVNS... I am reclaiming myself.. my life. I will do what I want to do and will do things to improve my quality of life. I no longer need to hold myself back at the gym...on some level I have been limiting myself because if PVNS was returning I did not want to give it opportunity that may help it move faster... not that PVNS operates like that, but in my mind it does. In my head I figured that if I did too much it would open the door to PVNS and I refused to enable it... so now I can push harder. I do not expect to be back doing 4 miles on the elliptical 4-5 times a week, but... I can set some goals and gradually get there. It's not as much about losing weight as it is to feel better... Prior to the onset of PVNS I had worked really hard and in just over two years had dropped about 100 pounds... PVNS caused me to pick up all that weight again.... anyway... when I had lost the weight... I felt great. I felt healthier than I had felt... probably ever. I made decisions on what I wanted to do, not what I was physically capable of doing. I want to get back to that point.

So... I am going to continue my blog...I am sure it will continue to help me move forward in my life... and in my life I will focus a lot on being healthy... it's not as much about losing wight... but I will probably mention pounds lost... but... more because I want to get back to where I Was before PVNS... well.. maybe not back... I don't like the idea of moving backwards... but I want to move forward to a healthy weight where I resided for a while...

So... July first... I announce today, that to accompany my healthy knee... I will work to get the rest of my body and mind healthy... perhaps I will choose a certain day of the week to blog about health...but I am not sure yet. We'll see...

I am planning on going camping for the fourth of July... but I am already planning on how I can be healthy during that adventure.

Hooray for the First of July!!