1 year since surgery...

One year ago today I was in surgery. I was oblivious to what was happening to me, my body because I was knocked out. My parents, sister, and Sara and Phil were waiting around to see how things were going. I am sure it was a long day for them. I remember we got to the hospital at like 5:30 a.m. and I wasn't even out of surgery until like 1:30 p.m. I think.

Wow... 1 year...

Tomorrow I head to Boston for a follow up appointment with my doctor. Since I know that I am free of PVNS, I am not stressed about the appointment. Yesterday I called my local doctor's office because I realized that I had not heard form them about confirming the referral and insurance stuff. Once again, not unlike last year, it was not a smooth process... in the end... it is all fine, the referral has been processed and authorized... but I ended up in tears on the phone with the referral woman... and felt stupid... I said to her that I was upset because when I called her in June I had relayed last year's experience and she assured me it would not happen again and that she would mail the referral authorization to me and would call me to let me know everything was set... I told her that she didn't know what I had gone through and all I had asked of her was to do her job and she didn't. She profusely apologized...and I told her that I appreciated it, but that it didn't mean much because it shouldn't have caused me anxiety yet again...

Why did I cry? I think that I just want this behind me... I want to be able to go to my doctor and have him look me in the eye and say, you are fine, you are going to be fine... and I wanted it to happen smoothly... and when I thought the referral might not have been approved... I just... didn't want to have to go through that again... and in my head I went right back to last year's saga and a lot of emotions surfaced.

I told my friend Suellen about it last night over some magical margaritas... and she asked me how I thought I was going to do tomorrow...with my emotions.... I think I will do ok... the drive to Boston... will be good... last time I did it by myself, I was going for pre-op stuff... and needed to do that trip solo. I am kind of glad that it has worked out that I am going solo this time too.... part of my self empowerment...post PVNS... The appointment itself should be more of a formality than anything else. I think that it will be good... 'closure' perhaps... that's such a cliche word... but I think it will be closure. I have a list of questions to ask and hope I get the chance to do that...

I have some... for lack of a better word, numbness...on that knee... around the incision that is over my knee cap... and wonder if that is normal and if sensations will return to normal. I want to know if the small amount of swelling will remain or will go away...how will the arthritis impact me from here on out? How do I strengthen my left leg muscles to catch up with the right ones? (Do I do more repetitions of weight training at the gym with that leg or do more weight with that leg?) How hard should I push myself? Are there activities I should avoid? Should I be icing it after activities? Taking Aleve? And the big one........

What is the risk of recurrence after being PVNS free for a year? Do I need more follow ups? future MRIs and appts?

I am swimming in the PVNS free diagnosis...and loving how it feels... but there is still fear...I have yet to retrain my brain to not worry about it...

I will let you all know how it goes... but may not be able to post until the weekend... following my appt. tomorrow I am headed to NY to my sister's house for the night... then on Saturday I am bringing two of my nephews back with me for a few days... I am very excited about that.