Double digits!

Today was a good day... I woke up fairly early and was lazy with the cats for a while... they missed me while I was away... I had returned to the mountain to spend time with my dad for the fourth of July. Many of the regular campers at that campgroud get together every 4th of July and share lunch... this year, with mom being gone, I knew Dad would feel lonely... and I really wanted to be with him... maybe more for my sake than his...it was good to spend the weekend there, but the weather sucked! Thursday and Friday were rainy, but at least it was warm when it wasn't raining... but on Saturday the air changed and in between the rain it was COLD... brrrr... but I am still glad I went. We left earlier on Sunday than planned because of the coldness. I went to Dad's house for a hot shower (there are showers at the campground, but not as nice as a real shower!) and lunch. Then I headed back here. On my way I was very happy that one of my aunts was home and my grandmother was home, so I got a chance to visit with each of them for a while... it was nice. My aunt continues to be a person who amazes me... she shared some things with me about her children, in relation to their adoption... and it all makes her an even more beautiful person. Classy... a wonderful mother...

I had some tearful moments in my trick as I left my dad's town... I tried to talk myself into stopping by the cemetary to see mom's grave... and I couldn't... even thinking of it now makes the tears come to my eyes and I am not ready for that... I think that now that I don't have the distraction of school, things about my mom are more present in my mind... My dad is so strong... I watched him at the campground with his friends... with his and mom's friends... and he handles it well... I happened to be there when a couple came over to dad to offer their condolences... the first time they had seen dad this summer... and it was hard for dad, as I am sure every first greeting has been... it was hard for me.... partly because I knew it was hard for him...

I miss her. Summer was always a time of year that I spent a lot of time with her... we kayaked and that's when we had some of our most intimate conversations... saw deep into each other's hearts... she understood me, always saw my heart... I hate that she's not here. I hate that it will someday be normal for her not to be here...while it hurts so much to not have her here... the intensity of those emotions connect me to her somehow...and I worry about that connection lessening...

I saw a quote tonight... as I wandered some shops while waiting to meet up with some friends for dinner... it said something like:If you live to be one hundred years old... I hope I live one day less than that because I don't think I could live even one day without you... how romantic... it made me think of missing my mom... and it made me think about the conversation I had with my grandmother Sunday... she worries about Dad, her baby... and she understands what it is like to lose a spouse...my grandfather died just over ten years ago... and she still misses him like crazy... they had been married for ... gosh I think 60 something years... so she gets what dad is going through... and I know it breaks her heart for him...

Sorry for the deep stuff... on a lighter note... I hit double digits today... on my bike... I did 11.5 miles! Then I went out and bought a new pair of sneakers so that I can walk more... and then walked 2 miles in them... I need to step up the walking to be ready for the half marathon!!!