A great day...

Today was a good day... This morning I started out by attending a meeting about one of the kids I work with... he is new to our school this year and is adorable!  He is one of the quietest kids I have ever met, and struggles in school because he is too shy to ask for help.  So we met today to talk about ways to help him... and think we came up with a good plan... then I went to a classroom where I did a restorative/community circle... from there a meeting with the guidance counselors and principal about seniors who may not graduate... then to my office to meet with the seniors of concern... fielded a few phone calls, answered some emails and then was part of an interview... then... met with more kids, then held our after school program for seniors who need that final push... a full day... a good day...

I posted on facebook that I had done my first solo community circle and my aunt asked me what that was about... let me explain... (borrowing my explanation from the email I sent to her....)

Restorative circles... Are part of a restorative justice approach within schools... The idea or belief behind them is that students respond better to difficult situations by working with them to find a resolution than by simply giving detentions... Typically they involve something that has happened, a conflict between two or more people... And the goal is to help those involved see things from the other person's perspective, understand how their actions impact others, and consider what could be done differently in the future, and ultimately develop a way to make amends... It focuses a lot on the relationships that exist or need to exist between the people involved... I have gone to some training s and have sat in on some circles, but haven't done one solo until today.... The teacher has been concerned because students are off task often, and she spends a lot of her time and energy redirecting kids and punishing kids vs. teaching.  Her population of kids are all kids whose first language is something other than English.  I talked with her and the goal of the circle, what she hoped for, was for kids to own their behaviors and see how those behaviors impact others and try to get them to change their behaviors to add to the class not take away from what others are doing... So.. I  went in and explained what we were going to do.. A restorative circle... And explained the rules... That people were going to participate and be as honest and open as they feel comfortable being, that information shared in the circle would stay in the circle, to not use people's names, that one person talks at a time... The talking is controlled using a talking stick or object... Where the person holding the object is invited to talk and share their thoughts... This also invites others to listen and take in what the person is saying.  The facilitator asks questions and often follow ups to the questions to try to guide the group in the direction they hope to be... So today to get the kids to feel comfortable my first question was: what value do you place on education and what value does your family place on it... I passed the talking object to the student next to me and she said it is important to her because  she wants to here a old job one day to help support her family, a boy said it was important because he wants his father to be proud of him and to be able to tell family he is smart.... Other kids answered... Then asked them to describe what they feel their job is as a student... Most said to do work and to be respectful... I asked them to each say what they do to help their classroom be successful...about the relationships they have with the other kids in the class (many said they joke around a lot with each other and cause the teacher to get upset.), I asked them about how their behavior impacts the teacher and the class and what they would like to see change about the class... And most said they wanted to be able to get more done in the class, they wanted to have less homework, and they wanted to be able to learn... And then we talked about what each of them could do, what they could promise to do differently to make the class better... As the circle ended we reviewed what they can do to make it better and agreed to a couple of  things, be respectful to each other and to joke around and socialize less in class, save that for outside of class... I also encourage them to remind each other of the circle and to use it as a way to call each other out on their behavior... Later in the day one of them told the other to go to hell... So I am hoping to go back into the class and talk about that, about how him violated the rules they had all agreed to, about how that makes him look to others and how his promise may be perceived as not having worth... Which is where the relationships come in... The goal of this would be to have circles more often, to get kids used to them and to build trust within the community of the classroom... And eventually get into deeper topics...another part of this philosophy is that consequences should be restorative.. So instead of detention or suspension for breaking the glass in the door, the student helps replace the window and works with the custodians to clean the school to understand that their actions created a burden to others who already have much to do... I want to bring more of this approach into my practice.  I think it makes a difference... I naturally do some of it.. When I talk with kids about their misbehaviors I talk about what their behavior does to the trust they want to have with adults and with other kids... 

ok... the interview (Again stealing from the email I sent to Donna!!)... in an effort to put some positive information out into the community one of my colleagues contacted the press to let them know about a program we have begun at our school.  We meet after school weekly with kids who need some extra attention... the program targeted seniors who have struggled to earn credits and to do work... They are also kids who have struggled to connect with adults... At the beginning of the year I began monitoring kids grades... And was told by guidance that I shouldn't worry,that that is their job... But I didn't think they were doing it enough and didn't think they would follow through.  I began meeting with kids often and monitoring grades... And the the school completion guru and I teamed up and started this program.  When kids stay with us, we feed them first..(got some money donated and we buy pizza and I often bake!)  then we let them work but are there to help... After they settle in and start working he and I circulate to see what kids are working on ... we pretty much know what subjects they should be working on because we watch them so closely... And we try at least biweekly to sit with each student and review their grades in each class.  We also, at the beginning of this sat with them individually during the school day to talk about the credits they needed to graduate based on what they had already earned... It has been a great way for me to get to know some of these kids... And has allowed the to come to me when they are struggling vs. me going to them... At first I played chase a lot, and with some kids I still am... But many kids now come to me and say, I am having a hard time with Latin because the teacher lets other kids talk too much... And I can help them problem solve and give them ways to approach the teacher...or they come to me and tell me about things at home that are in their way of being successful... like having to watch younger siblings after school or not having a quiet place to do work... and I help them develop strategies... some issues they come to me with have been pretty big... and I am glad they are seeking an adult for support...  It has been cool.  
During the interview today as I listened to the kids talk about the program... I learned a lot about what it has done for them... They all spoke to how in past years adults may say to the that they need to do better, but usually that was it... no follow up... They said this year, with me constantly meeting with them and following their progress, they felt like someone really cares and that has made them care more.  They all said that they do not think they would  have made it to graduation without us... They also talked about how it has helped prepare them for college, that they have learned that they have to prioritize their school work and that they need to set time aside to do it.  They if they think college will be more manageable knowing that.  The reporter asked them lots of questions including: by attending this program are you guaranteed to graduate or are you given the credits?... the kids said, there is no guarantee unless you put the work in, that if you come each week and work hard it is likely you,will graduate, but they also told the guy that they found that they were better at studying when they were at home because they had a better understanding of how the work completion impacts their grades and knew it was worth the effort.  
I hope the reporter remembers all the things the kids said... It was awesome!  To me... It proves that kids who have relationships with adults do better... The kids also said that they know I care about them, but that I am also firm with them and that they know I will hold them accountable.  

I found myself getting a little choked up a couple of times as they were talking... the reporter asked if the program created a stigma for them, if they were seen as kids who were failing... and they all said, no way, that it is a positive thing... that they feel like they mean something to us... they feel like it has been a positive thing, that we don't allow other kids to come in who are not serious about getting work done... that we only feed the kids who are there as part of the program... they said that they feel good about being kids who matter to people at school.  

One of the kids interviewed... happens to be the very first kid from the school I met when I started the job... he was the kid who was outside skateboarding and told me I would remember him because he was the shortest senior  ... we have met a lot this year... and he is one of the kids I know the best... he told the reporter that he knew when he was called to my office that there was something I was worried about.  The reporter asked him if it was done in a punishment way or in a supportive way and the kids laughed and said, well a little bit of both... and laughed, saying that it was always supportive, but that the punitive part was that he knew that by not doing what he needed to do I would be disappointed in him and that I would make sure to remind him of that until he did what he needed to do... He said that the program was something he tried to test... that he came consistently for a while then drifted away a little and that his grades dropped dramatically, he said that he learned that he needs to do the work, that he can do the work... 
One of the girls who was interviewed said that having a place after school that was quiet was a big help, that she has a 5 year old brother who can be loud and distracting.  She talked about how when she was a freshman she didn't really think ahead to graduation and what that meant... and thought it was something that would just arrive... but she quickly learned that it was not going to be a given that she graduate.  She said that in previous years she struggled academically and nobody helped her.  She told the reporter that I invited her to the program, that I didn't tell her she had to come, and that the invitation part made her curious and made her come.  She said that she didn't think people at school would do something like this every week for kids and she said that we should make it available for more kids, for underclassmen because if she had been in a program like that earlier she would have had even more success in high school.  The reporter asked her what the public should know about this program and she said the public should know it exists and make their kids go.  

I sat there... and with recent events at work that have been stressful and even scary... hearing these kids talk, so articulately, about something that has made a difference to them... in different ways... made me smile... made me proud of them... proud of me... 

It gave me reason to reflect... to think about the kids, the relationships with them... how so much of what I do is relationship based... which I think is what makes me good at this job... and I am stubborn... I don't give up on kids... (which can be perhaps a double edged sword... losing sleep over those kids is a part of this job too!) This program also helped kids feel empowered.. which I didn't realize until hearing them talk... empowered to know that what they do does impact their future... it helped them build confidence, also didn't realize that until today... by being able to help each other with various subjects at times... and by having a connection to kids they may not normally interact with... we had sports kids, vocational kids, kids in special ed, kids who were popular... kids who were definitely not popular... one of the kids said that this could be a way to help kids connect with each other... and he's right... one thing that was also cool about the interview... was seeing the dynamic I have with these kids... at one point when the boy was talking about me holding him accountable I apparently  made a face, and he stopped talking and said, smiling, look at her face, she is giving me that look... and we were laughing... I hope the article can reflect even a fraction of the good that this program is doing for kids... it's not just about graduation... but.. I am happy they are gonna make it there!