Happy Birthday Mom!

Today is my birthday...  Mom's too... I thought a lot about her last night as I was trying to fall asleep... how lucky I am to have had her in my life for as long as I did... but I miss her... of course... There is part of me... since she died, that dreads my birthday... because it's a day that is a huge reminder of her  not being here... and it is a day that has so many memories... I don't look forward to getting people together to focus on me... and have not really had any kind of celebration for a while now... Sunday, however, a friend of mine asked me what I was doing on my birthday... and I was a bit disappointed she remembered... and I told her I wasn't doing anything... she told me we should do dinner and invite some other people... and I reluctantly agreed... then decided why not make it a celebration... and invited a lot of people I know... unsure who would make it and who wouldn't... even with something to look forward to.. I had some dread...

So my birthday started...at 2:00 a.m.... when one of the cats puked on my bed... then... at 5 a.m. I got a wonderful wake up call... Dad and Betty sang to me... I am sure I have written about it before.. but Mom and I had a tradition... we raced to be the first to wish the other a happy birthday... and it got to the point of phone calls in the wee hours of the morning where the person answering would try to shout Happy Birthday before the other person knew they picked up... so an early call was a nice reminder of Mom... then... on my way to work.. I was eating an english muffin topped with peanut butter... and as I was almost at work... some peanut butter dripped on my shirt... great... I got to school and the day was filled to the brim with drama... starting with a student who landed in our office after stumbling into school... after being badly beaten by a parental figure this morning... that resulted in many other things... his siblings...reporting...consulting... there was also some drama between some girls with some conflicting stories about who called who what and one says the other pushed her, but nobody witnessed it...I was involved with a conversation with one of the girls involved and her social worker... and the girl...with whom I have spent hours... criticized the way I had handled a recent situation with her... she is a kid I like, but has never, not in this entire year, has owned any of her behavior... none... zero, zip, zilch... and I almost lost it with her today... but I didn't... there was lots of drama with other individual students... and with the principal... who has checked out... ok maybe not with him, but drama due to circumstances he has created... I had a thought as I was walking back from guidance after registering a new student with a violent history, that if I fell down the stairs I could probably go home for the day... (knowing I would not want that... but in that moment realized the birthday was not going as I hoped... not that I had really hoped for anything... but... this was definitely not it...)  then I was dealing with a kid who I have been close to this year... and he made a bad choice earlier in the week and I gave him a choice in his consequences... and he told me the choice he made and I had forewarned him that if he did not make good on his word... His consequences would increase... and he made the choice to not follow though on his word.. so today I told him of the consequences... he demonstrated his toughness telling me he was not going to do it.. I told him that was his choice... but that he would not be going to prom if he didn't do it...he came to me after school with his puppy dog eyes... asking if he could do something as an alternative... and I had to be a hard ass on him... he was not happy... but... so be it... then I had a meeting after school... 2 hours... and was ready for the day to be over... there were some light spots in the day... the other AP took pity on me for having to deal with some of the drama and offered me some of his peanut butter M & Ms... which were delicious... then... one of my kids stopped by to give me a card... from the student and the student's parents... thanking me for visiting at the hospital last week after a suicide attempt... and inside was a gift card to Dunkin Donuts... the highlight wasn't so much the gift card as the kid who gave it to me... getting to see that student back at school... alive... was a gift today... as I began to decompress, I got a great text message from a friend saying... so glad you were born... it almost brought a tear to my eye... that message... has so much meaning... but also in a weird way, made me feel close to Mom... in a way I can't really explain...

So... after my work day I got ready to meet up with my friends... one, Judy, a woman I used to work closely with her,  texted me to see if I could get there early because she couldn't stay long... it was nice, I got to have some one on one time with her... and hear about her and about our close friend who wanted to be there tonight, but has had a rough time lately... then Alyssa arrived, she is the one who suggested it... then DEBBIE!!!  I got to see my beautiful friend Debbie!!!  She stayed the longest and it was AWESOME to see her... then Anton and Thom showed up!  I used to work with them too... Thom is the social worker at my old job and we worked closely on some kids... Anton... who is adorable... is a man who got hired the same year I did and we have always gotten along.  We ate lunch together every day for the last couple of years and we bantered back and forth... and I miss that.. and miss him... Tonight we bantered and had a lot of fun... then Jason showed up... also used to teach with him and get to see him from time to time for dinner... and lastly Jamie arrived... a friend from high school... We had a lot of laughs and I felt really honored and loved... and knowing there were others who wanted to be there, but couldn't make it work, was also nice.... plus the people who had already sent messages throughout the day...

The day was long... and stressful... but it was so much fun to spend my birthday with some people I really care about... I am very lucky...

There were a couple of moments... tonight... as I was telling stories... where I reminded myself of my mom... maybe that was her saying happy birthday to me... Love you mom... Happy birthday... I am glad you were born!