Is it safe yet?

So... I think that I regressed to my childhood... when you are young you think that if you put a blanket over your head nobody can see you... a great disappearing act... well I think that I tried to do that... but in reverse... that if I was hiding from something that IT didn't exist.... not so...

I am feeling a bit more stable and am tentatively coming out of my shell... spent some time with Sara last night, in public even... and did ok... and have decided that if I am out with friends, which I need to be... and if I cry in public... oh well... I was supposed to see her Tuesday, but cancelled... needed a night to just be... and cry... alone... but realize that put her in a bad spot wondering if she should respect that request or if it was me...hiding... so... I may regret saying this but... friends... I may want to hide.. but I need you find me...if I hesistate when you invite me to do something or go somewhere... remind me that I have told my dad to ask for help... and that if I expect him to do that... I myself need to do it too... and seeing people... helps... not saying there won't be times when I really do want to be alone... but I live alone... and the wee hours of the morning are most likely time enough...

I have a dr. appt later today to have my nose checked... have had a few nosebleeds each one getting a little more intense... I think because of stress... so.. I will go to the doc to take care of myself... and let you know....