One good cry deserves another?

Hmm... so today at work I got a text from Deb, asking me to come to dinner tonight.  I was very excited by this... and then I was sad because I have been battling this damn cold for almost two weeks... and neither she or I felt like risking my germs and her possibly weakened immune system from her new treatments... but it was so nice to be invited and to exchange some texts... today at school was an early release day... kids left at 10:45 and not long after that my phone signaled me that I had an email... and because I had time to check I did so... and it was a notification... Deb had posted something new in her online journal... and I took time to read it... and cried a bit, in my office... thinking about my friend and all she is going through and how her son's 8 year old wisdom is helping to ground her... and what she is facing... and how she is still going, living... that despite perhaps every instinct that I think would be in my body to shut down... she is fighting.. doing what she needs to do... and finding moments of humor in the midst of a shitstorm...

So I come home... tonight, got home fairly early... and decided to blog, intended to blog about my students... which will probably come later... and had two comments awaiting my attention... one from Jill... and the other... from Deb... She had read my blog while she was at work... and I made her cry... Sorry Deb! And yes, it's worth repeating.. she read it while AT WORK... again, showing her strength and resilience, words  that she is reluctant to use in describing herself and this journey... There are days that I don't want to face the world (fewer now in my new job than with the old one for sure, but they still exist...) and really... for no good reason... am awed a bit, to be honest, that when there are so many reasons to not get out of bed, Debbie is doing it...

I am glad she is writing, sharing her story... even though I know how emotional that process can be...

As I have said... this is Debbie's story... and it is not my place to tell the details of her story... and hope, Deb, that I have not made you feel more vulnerable by putting things out there... I just love you and hate what is happening to you... and wish I could take it away...  and for the record, Deb, I googled antibacterial underwear, in images... if you need to smile, may be entertaining!

So... some kid talk...

Tough love is... well... tough... Remember the laptop girl? Well... I knew it would happen at some point... where something would give and she would revert to the behavior demonstrated in the past and I would have to be the heavy... and it happened... a situation unfolded... she became very reactive and used some inappropriate language.  I tried to work with her for a couple of days to process what had happened, to try to have her own her behavior... and it didn't happen... I pulled out some of my old tricks... put something in writing to her to explain what I wanted to do... and she threw it away... I told her that I wanted her to be part of deciding on the consequences... and she refused, profanity filled refusal, and I told her that she was backing me into a corner and that I would have to issue a consequence... which ended up being a suspension... and I was very fearful that it may mean that her past habits of non attending would then surface... luckily she has returned... is giving me the silent treatment... and I am waiting... for the opportunity to talk with her... to see if we can make any progress... and also hoping the things that triggered her (drama between her divorced parents) calm down...  we'll see....

The challenge... that was given to me by a colleague, to our whole staff, to connect with a kid we have struggled to connect with... that student, somehow we have had some good interactions... and she apologized to me for her behavior...

Monday and Tuesday were pretty calm days this week... eerily calm... well, we made up for it today... starting the day with some drug related suspensions, some dancing around ideas with a team of colleagues to interact with difficult parents (the ones with whom I met and who blamed me for everything... one of whom has since apologized to me...), bullying, intimidation and threatening (and yes those are different than bullying), throw in a staff meeting, some girl/boy drama between a couple of kids I have been dealing with for over  a week... oh... and some supervision issues... and wrapped up with a parent meeting...

I worry about kids... and the use of marijuana... it makes me sad to hear kids say they cannot face the day their lives without it...

I am connecting with many of my seniors... meeting to talk about grades... it has been fun... they are good kids and I feel like I am getting to know them.  Kids are beginning to arrive in my office without me calling them down... seeking me out to help them with different issues... more and more teachers are also coming to my office... and approaching me with questions like, "I have this kind of situation going on, do you have any ideas or suggestions?"

Somewhat related... today I wore my boots to work... my 3" heels... making me 6'9"... with a black knee length skirt and a cute shirt... and one of my first interactions today was from a staff member who said how nice I looked today... that he loved the boots... It was sweet... and... if he wasn't married and I wasn't his supervisor, I may say he is kind of cute... but since I am his supervisor and he is married... well... he's ok...

So what does my job and Debbie's situation have in common?
For me, today,... the lesson is that as an adult with, what I hope can be described as, pretty good coping skills.... some days are harder than others, depending on what is on my mind... and for the kids with whom I am spending the most time... life outside of school is very heavily weighing on their minds... and as I interact with them... I need to not forget that...