Changed for good?

"Sticks and stones can break my bones but names can never hurt me..."  Surely we have come  a long way since this sing song mantra was believed in...Words hurt so badly... today I met with a student struggling to do what to this person seems impossible.... credits need to be earned to graduate and there is no room for error or else graduation will not happen.  In addition to the academic pressure, this student works 30 hours a week.  So when illness causes absences and work is missed, time to make up that work is impossible... this student shared with me past experiences.. the reason for being credit deficient compared to other students in the same grade... a couple of years of torture... by other students... words...harmful words... name calling... caused this student to want to do self harm... and the level of depression and anxiety caused a lot of poor performances at school.  So now... I need to figure out how to help this student navigate this year... I know how much a diploma means to this kid.. who said today that dropping out seems so much easier... Someone asked me the other day if I was going to cry at graduation... and I wasn't sure how to answer that question... but today, I know.. that seeing this student graduate will put a lump in my throat... for sure. At the end of our conversation after saying I would talk to some of the teachers involved, this student got emotional and thanked me... and told me I was a real nice lady... I hope I don't let this student down...

Also today... a student I have referenced here before, the one for whom I am fearful that it is going to take a tragedy for her to learn some tough lessons... had a tough day.  I had learned early in the morning that her weekend had been difficult.... and as the day unfolded I heard some things that I needed to talk with her about.  So.. because of the meeting we had and the parents' request that I not talk to their child about difficult things alone, I called the parent.  I explained my need to chat with their daughter and was filled in on the weekend's events... a very abbreviated version... and was told that chatting with her during the day when she was trying to do her classes was unwise... and I agreed and said I would wait until the end of the day... and not long after said student arrived in my office yelling at me about needing to talk with her.  I asked her to calm down and talk with me and she refused and stormed off... eventually I found her and after she was again yelling at me in the hallway, got her to a better location where fewer classes would be disrupted, and when I told her that I was not coming to get her in trouble I was coming to help her navigate the situation to help her avoid trouble....and managed to de-escalate her and get her back to my office... and somehow things calmed down and somewhere in the mix I think she saw me as an ally... somehow... to the point where she let me help her do something ... I am not saying that she and I will now get along..but maybe she will see that I am not out to get her, that I am trying to help her, even when I have to enforce the rules...

I think about this girl, and the dynamics that happen in her family... and I understand a bit more, why she reacts the way she does...

It's crazy... how much goes on in a day... how quickly people's lives change... but I am convinced that those quick changes come after years of other things happening...

Today was a good reminder to me.. of what  I do each day... could and hopefully will.... be part of change for the students with whom I am working... hopefully change for the better... which reminds me of one of the songs in Wicked, "For Good."  One of the lines says this:

"And now whatever way our stories end, I know you have rewritten mine by being my friend."  And another says, "Because  I knew you, I have been changed for good."

I am not trying to be their friend... don't want to be their friend... but I do hope that someday the kids I have worked with can look back and say that I made a difference... because if not... why am I doing this?  If they can learn anything form me to better themselves... to do better, to be better... I did something right...

The lyrics and song, "For Good," from Wicked