Church... kayaking... and a Women's Retreat?

Ok... So the women's retreat thing has nothing to do with this weekend... but it does with last weekend. I just had not yet uploaded the pictures. I was pleasantly surprised to be invited to the "Ocean House" of one of my coworkers last weekend... The house has been in her family for years and the time there is split between her, her siblings, and her cousins. One weekend each spring, when it is her time at the house, she uses it for a women's retreat. She invites various women from her life, including a best childhood friend and coworkers.

Some people spent the entire weekend, but I only stayed for the day and evening last Saturday. It was a lot of fun. There was crackers, cheese, wine, and chocolate...handmade chocolates that the hostess wanted us all to sample. When I arrived there were only a few people there. Before long we all walked to the waters edge and it was beautiful... a little chilly, but beautiful.

It was a fun time... we talked, we laughed, we participated in a murder mystery game that the host had put much effort into. At first I kind of turned my nose up at the idea of a women's only retreat... thinking that women often have time together and wondered why a retreat was needed. But as I sat there, engaging in conversations with current and previous coworkers, as well as a woman I had never met before that day... I realized that women share things, and share things in ways that are so ... well.. female... and I really appreciated being a part of it. In fact, I am contemplating starting something similar with my friends... a women's only weekend... Maybe rent a house somewhere and all take time to take care of ourselves and each other... and indulge... I think we all need that from time to time...

Ok... onto this weekend... I did something today I have not done in.... well.. a long time. I went to church. Y'all know I have been contemplating it for a while... well maybe you didn't know I was contemplating going to church, but you knew I was thinking about God... religion, etc...

The church I went to today was overseen by a man named Bin. (He is the pastor/minister there.) I have known Bin for about... ohhh.. six years or so through his children. He and his family are immigrants from the Congo in Africa. I have known four of his seven children through coaching and teaching. I have run into him throughout the years and he has often invited me to come to his church, to worship with him. Over the years I have told him that I was not opposed to it, but that I was not ready to go and appreciate the offer. He kept offering... and during Mom's battle with cancer, he had again asked me to come to his church, and I told him that I was angry with God and did not want to worship him. After Mom died I would tell him that I appreciated his offer but that I could not worship a God who would allow someone to suffer as my mom did... he kept asking... and about two weeks ago he was at my school and I approached him as I always do. (He, by the way is a tall man, probably 6'3" or so, and he gets a kick out of having to look up to me.) He shook my hand and asked how I was doing and what I had been up to. Since I had graduated the weekend before I shared that with him. He is a man who values education and extended his congratulations. He also asked how I was doing in the process of grieving the loss of my mother. I told him that I was doing better. He once again extended an invitation to his church... and I accepted. I told him that I was curious about his church, about his worship, and that I would like to come see a service there... He had given me his business card and I had emailed him a few times since last seeing him. In my emails I explained that I wanted to come to his church to see if it was a place I would want to return to... I also told him where I am at, spiritually... that I was still unsure about God... and was unsure what I would get out of going to his church... He offered kind words and comfort, as other Christians do, about my mother being at peace, in a place with God where we all hope to be one day... I was planning on going last week, but I was sick and stayed in bed all day instead... so today was the day... I truly did not know what to expect... but I hoped to kind of hide in the background... let's just say that did not happen... The congregation was small, very small... Bin, his wife, and their seven children were there... other than Bin's family, there were five or six other people there, including me. Bin had mentioned that his congregation had become smaller since the location of his church had moved, and he is hoping to bring more people soon... but I did not think it would be that small. My favorite part of church today... was seeing an entire family, together, worshipping, and watching them all 'feel' their faith... it was truly beautiful. Other things that I enjoyed included the music, very uplifting music, I liked the messages that were in the service... which included looking at humans as three parts, the body, the spirit, and the soul... and it talked about how our souls have two choices to live in doubt or live in faith... that reminded me of the book Conversations with God, that says humans have two emotions, fear and love... so that resonated with me. A lot of the sermon was about water... about the need to cleanse ourselves and our sins... and about baptisms... two of the parishioners are being baptized next week... so this sermon was preparation for that... I also liked that throughout the service Bin asked various people to read passages from the bible and engaged people in a dialogue. I loved Bin's passion... I also loved that one of the men who was attending the service was asked to help end the service with a prayer. His prayer was beautiful... so from his heart... very nice... A couple of things that happened that were not as much to my liking... At the beginning of the service Bin asked me to stand, so he could introduce me to his congregation. He talked about how he knows me, of my teaching and coaching... and then, with everyone, he shared that I am struggling to follow the path of god, because of my mother's death, I have expressed anger and misunderstanding of God's ways... I was a bit surprised... and hopes wanting to be a wallflower during this service, disappeared... At the very end of the service... Bin asked me to come up and join him because he wanted to pray with me... and he, along with two of the men from the congregation stood beside/behind me to pray with/for me. He talked about Mom... about her death to cancer and asked God to see me... to see my struggle... and to help me find my way... and asked that God watch over me... it brought tears to my eyes... I was emotional as he talked about losing Mom... I think that when I talk about it with people it's when I am in control of my emotions (usually)...and this was not within my control... and it was hard... but at the same time, it was okay... which surprised me... Afterwards one of the men there gave me the biggest hug I have had in a long time, and that felt nice... comforting... and I wonder how a hug from a stranger could feel so comforting... maybe because he was a man who was taller than me... and a solid guy, built like a football player... Before I left, Bin approached me... asked me if I would return. And I told him I would most likely come again... he then asked if I wanted to be baptized next weekend... and I said no. I told him I was no where close to being in a place where I would want to be baptized... I think I will need to remind him that this is the beginning of a journey for me... that I am not even sure that I want to find God... that maybe I just want to see signs of God's existence... Very interesting...

Then I went to MY Church.... where I feel closest to spirituality... peace... KAYAKING.

I returned to the stream I went to on my birthday. The plants have grown so much! It was a lot of fun. Including more turtles!

Just me... relaxing as I am kayaking... cruise control mode!

This is a loon, one of a duo we saw today. (We... Suellen came with me, FUN!) I am used to hearing the iconic song of the loons, but today I got to hear one of the loons making small, sounds... leading me to believe that there were babies nearby. We did not see the babies... but I think they were close by.

This next picture may not look like much, but...it is the nest of the Canada goose I saw a few weeks ago. I saw no sign of her today.. but this was her nest. And that white thing a little to the left and a little below the center... is an eggshell. After taking the picture I was able to scoop it up with my paddle...and touch it. It reminded me of what birch bark feels like... almost paperlike...Very cool. There were also a couple of feathers attached to it.

The plants were blooming. We saw lots of flowers. This one reminded me of lady slippers... not because of the flower, but because of the leafs and stalk...

Pastor Bin was onto something today when he talked about water... it does cleanse me... but maybe not in the way he was thinking... Water soothes me... The ocean, like the shore at the women's retreat... ponds, lakes, and streams like the one I kayaked today... calms and soothes me... Maybe that is the spirit that moves me...