Falling in Love...again.

I realized something today... I am falling in love. Yup... It's a love that I have had for years... and today I realized that the last few years, dealing with PVNS, had dulled my passion for it. I am once again falling in love with teaching. Truly. Today I played games with the students I will be working with in math. I do a lot of games on Fridays because the kids love it, and they learn without realizing it. The game we played today, a dice game I learned from my mom who learned it from some of her camping pals....it's a game of luck to an extent... but kids have to add, multiply, and also work on probability. Anyway... not to bore you with details... but... I love it... I get to assess more about the personality of the kids as well... who is competitive, who takes risks, who is shy or outgoing, who supports each other... and it allows me to see kids come out of their shells a little bit. Today this one kid, who is a peanut.. .tiny... smiled and laughed a little... I had yet to see that... so I was thrilled. I also have an assistant in that particular class and she works with this kid all day and told me at the end of class that she had not seen him smile once since school started until today. Besides that ... today started out with a parent meeting. It was with a parent who has been known to be somewhat ...challenging... and I knew I had to be assertive to do what is best for this child, not what was convenient or what would enable this child... The child was also in the meeting and has been known to demand control in meetings... I didn't allow that to happen and was able to keep bringing the focus of the meeting back to what the child needed and what was in her best interest. I was at the top of my game... if I do say so myself. I was able to give examples of the success the student is already having... I paid close attention to the conversation, the body language of the parent and child, and was able to do what I need to do for this student. Later in the day I worked with this student and it was great! She did really well and I believe we are building a good rapport. She doesn't trust herself, trust that she CAN do so many things... and I hope to help her gain some confidence as we move forward. After the meeting I asked my administrator for feedback and she was happy with the way I handled things...knowing the history she told me she was impressed with my ability to be kind and respectful while also being firm and articulate. I was relieved.

I also got a chance to bond a little with some of the kids I case manage. (Do all the paperwork on as well as offer instruction to...) Usually the teachers are kind to kids on Fridays... less homework... so when I get them for my part of the day we can relax a bit more than normal. So today I was a little silly with them, a combination of it being Friday and me being tired. I was quirky... and had the kids going... it was so fun...

Teaching is something I have wanted to do my whole life! In second grade I was paired up with a boy with Downs Syndrome, as his peer tutor... Apparently I came home and told my mom that I wanted to work with kids like him for the rest of my life. Whenever I had the chance I helped out in the special ed room in elementary school... not so much in middle school, but by my senior year in high school I was walking to the elementary school when I had a studyhall and reading with kids there. So, deciding what I wanted to be when I grew up was an easy decision... After college I was eager to start my career... and got hired at a beautiful school in a beautiful, rural community. It was a difficult experience because the politics were so fierce. I decided after 2 years of it that teaching in a public school was not my thing and quit. I was then given the opportunity to move to CT to work with a family I had been employed by in summers as a nanny. They hired me as a private teacher to their son who had cerebral palsy. It was a great experience, but I began missing having a classroom and working with many kids... and in a moment that I remember clearly... decided to return to teaching. I was sitting on a bench in Manhattan on one of my many weekend trips into NYC. A woman sitting on the bench next to me asked me about myself and for some reason about church. She told me that she went to a church that was located in a nearby building, pointing it out to me. Then she asked me what I did...I looked away for a moment and I said something like, "I was a teacher." and something clicked ...an epiphany if you will... I knew I was a teacher... and I looked over at the woman to, with more authority, "I am a teacher," but she was gone. I looked around, but she had disappeared... It was a strange moment... gave me chills and something I didn't tell many people for fear they would think I was nuts. But in that moment I was more sure that I was a teacher than I had ever been. So, I returned to teaching, here in southern Maine. It hasn't all been roses... I have times when I get so frustrated by the politics, but realize that I love teaching more than I hate the politics that go with it.

Over the last few years I haven't really felt like teaching... and have even wondered about what else I could do for a career... in thinking about it today... I think that physically I was feeling so bad... that I lost my passion for teaching... and it's back...

So, I am in love... with perhaps my very first love.