Bad Luck?

A couple of years ago... my sister and I were in a coffee shop and saw this cute sign entitled "STOLEN"... on it, was a picture of a beautiful old fashioned red woman's bike, complete with basket. The sign was decorated nicely and the bike was beautifully described and included contact information for any information about getting the bike back... then...at the end... it simply said.... "BASTARDS."

I kind of feel that way... like something has been stolen... and since I don't know who has done the stealing... all I can say is... bastards.

My mom and dad have had something stolen form them... so have I...and my sister...and my nephews... and it sucks... the question, "why?", comes into mind...

Is it bad luck? Does bad luck exist? Or are we living our destiny? I saw today that Senator Kennedy has a brain tumor... and heard that the tumor is a very aggressive cancer... and the prognosis is poor at best. My first thought was... some other family has the same bad luck mine does right now with my mom... aggressive cancer with... Then I think about the Kennedy family and the tragedies they have experienced and endured. Why them? So much for one family... is it luck? I have gone through a lot in the last recent years... why me? Bad Luck?

The other day I was talking to someone who stopped mid-complaint and looked at me guiltily... then apologized because their complaint was not as justified as my worries are... Perspective... Yes, what my mom is dealing with and facing along with the rest of our family is shitty.. no doubt about it. But we all have things in our lives that stress us out... a lot... that seem unfair... that is unfair... yet we seem to compare our sadness ...whose is worse... is our saddness justified? We try to find reasons for it and sometimes feel guilty for feeling our feelings because maybe someone else is going through something we deem as bigger...or badder...

So how do we get through dark times... we find the silver lining... and stick together... together... sometimes it is hard to be together when feeling so alone...

Mom is back in the hospital. She had been sick again... and is having terrible back pain... today they did a bone scan... to try to find the reason for the pain. The idea of that scared me... wondering if the cancer had gone into her spine... according to the first impressions of the scan.. it is normal... but I see normal as dangerous... I don't trust normal... because normal changes fast... very fast... and what is abnormal... with time... can become normal...

Ugh. I wish I wish I wish... that Mom was cancer free... that she and dad were already camping in their camper along the river... in the shadow of the mountain...I wish... mom and dad could be care free... could be planning a trip to Alaska instead of to the hospital...

Fair. Unfair. Normal. Abnormal... Ups..Downs.. luck? Dumb luck.

BASTARDS.