Too much... or not enough...

My knee is sore today. It gave out on me once and I almost went down in a heap... that was the worst it has gone out on me... so I wonder... did I do too much at the gym yesterday, or not enough... did I do too much of the step climbing sets and not enough of the bike or treadmill? I don't know... not sure how to know... should I go to the gym in the morning? Or will that be too much? I want to go... think I should go... have been trying to get into a healthy routine and so far so good....but not going tomorrow will disrupt that... and I want to go... so I think I will go... but maybe just do the bike and treadmill and let the other stuff wait for the weekend. I would like to think that my appointment Friday with my doctor would be like the golden ticket in Charlie and the Chocolate factory...that it would result in a happy ending after the tour...the tour being the appointment... then afterwards I could run, jump, skip, fly if I wanted... without pain... without pain afterwards... but I think I have yet to find my golden ticket.... maybe soon.

Maybe I am more nervous about the appointment than I think...maybe not the actual appointment... but the appointment makes me focus on PVNS.. and that frustrates me... I mean... it is a part of my life.. every day...but more and more it is starting to feel like part of my past... which is where I want it to stay... but what if it doesn't? I won't know that from this appointment... but it brings it into focus... into the spotlight. Maybe I let it be in the spotlight too much... or maybe I need to think about it daily to think positively... that is it gone.. never to return...

I also try to remind myself of something from the Conversations with God book I have mentioned here before...that which we fear is what we draw to us.... so if I put energy into worrying about PVNS... will that energy bring PVNS more into my life? Who knows...

Do I think too much... or not enough??? ahhhhhhhhhh.