Compartmentalizing

I judge.  Probably too much.  When I catch myself judging I try to think about where my life is and where the judgement comes from... and maybe need to be more cognisant of that...

When I have been, or am, concerned for people... I don't keep my mouth shut... so when people offer me their input, I get their reasoning.  I understand that people want what is best for me, or at least what they think is best for me.

I can't say that it doesn't hurt.  I can't say I don't feel judged...

I like to think that I choose the people in my life carefully... that I lead with my heart... and despite the walls I have built so strong I do let people in.  Though tonight find myself instinctively looking for my mortar and trowel....

Some of my decisions are not understood by people.  And part of me feels defensive about that... while another part of me says, of course you don't understand... there are so many reasons why you can't/couldn't... and wonder if time has been taken to even try...

My instinct... is to do better at compartmentalizing... something in my life I have never been good at... people in my life know about other people in my life... I share with people... obviously, you are, after all, reading this on a blog...

Part of me feels like I need to defend myself, defend the choices and or person/people that are being judged, ... but know that I won't... because I know my reasons behind my choices... I know, clearly, what is in my life and maybe even more clearly about what is missing...

Much of my life is an open book, here on the surface for people to see... there is still much more to it...

I'm not mad... I know that true friendships at times are uncomfortable... that pushing each other is part of the agreement... I want that, welcome it... know that concerns have been noted... and chances are good that I will continue to be stubborn, to dig my heels in, and not listen... and hope that while it doesn't make sense, perhaps from where you sit... you continue, or begin,trying to understanding why from my seat... it does...