I did it... I took a day off...
Hello! Well... After 104 days of working out in a row... I did not work out on Friday, what would have been day 105. Thursday I participated in our school's wellness day by being the staff person supervising Zumba... and so I shook my booty for three hours... and on Friday, my body felt like I had done something for 3 hours! And I have to say I had some anxiety on Friday, for not working out... and to be candid, had the idea of getting a big ol' pizza for dinner that night... which shows me that my body and mind have an amazing connection... when I am active my mind wants healthy food, when I am not, my body wants junk... it's a dangerous slope for me... even after 104 days of being active and eating well... my old cravings came to the surface.. I worked yesterday and went to the gym afterwards. It was my first attempt at my new training program, set up by the trainer at my gym. She gave me 9 exercises to do... broken into three circuits...I am supposed to do each circuit 3 times... supposed to... I made it through the first circuit and was sweating like crazy... and really struggled to do one of them... By the time I moved onto the second circuit I was unsure of how I would do... one exercise in the second circuit involves me being in push-up position (not the girlie kneeling kind, unfortunately) and am supposed to widen my feet to help provide some balance... then I put all my weight on my left hand and with my right arm pick up a 12 lb dumbell and pull it up in a rowing motion to my side 8 times... then switch hands... I was only able to do 4 on each side... so... in the second circuit I only was able to go through it twice... and only did 4 not 8 of those pushup row thingys... by then I was sweating even more... and moved into the third circuit... really feeling like I had been on cardio equipment for a long time... heart rate was up, etc... and only did one round of those exercises and again, modified one of them... The self defeating part of myself was pretty loud... feeling really unfit, fat, and thinking my 100 days of working out was for nothing... but then I stopped.. because I realized that I am more fit than I was 100 days ago... and doubt that 100 days ago I would have been able to do as much as I did on these exercises... truly. And... I thought about really wanting a workout to help me tone up, goodness knows I need it... I asked for it... told the trainer I wanted to focus on my core and my arms... and that's what she created for me... And I realize that if I could do that routine already... what would the point be? There would be no room or improvement... so... I need to look at it in a way that I need to do it a little at a time, push myself and see the results! I also did something as a result of that workout that I never thought I would do... I bought a yoga mat! Doing the exercises on yoga mats that the gym has... is gross, they are well used and look dirty... so I am more comfortable having a mat that hundreds of other people have not sweat on... so I will take my mat... and also... will have it when I go to my next yoga class... Yup, that means I will be going again! Oh.. and I think I have another fitness goal.. which is more about overcoming things... including fear... I am thinking for my NEXT birthday, not the one coming up.. but a year from now... I want to rock climb! Not outside on a real cliff, but at the rock gym. I want to do it because it scares me, and think it would be good for me to do it... AND also want to be fit enough to do something like that!
The other thing on my mind... which will not surprise many ... is my Mom. Wednesday will mark three years since she died. Time is such a funny thing... it sometimes seems like it has been forever and other times feels raw still... Yesterday I went to Target to pick up a few things... and somehow ended up walking in the purse/bag area... and then turned and there were hats, the wide brimmed summer hats ladies often wear. I chuckled because I saw a hat that was like the one Mom wore the last summer she was able to kayak to keep the sun off her... due to the meds she was on, she was supposed to not be exposed to the sun... and she looked funny in the hat, funny in her special way.. I can vividly picture her wearing that hat grinning like a crazy lady with her front teeth showing over her bottom lip... It's nice to see things that make me smile when I think of her...
Today I went kayaking... it was a beautiful day. I had posted on facebook that I was going to go and if anyone wanted to join me they could... one of my former track kids, who I coached from grade 6 through grade 12 asked to go... I have rules about 'friending' kids on facebook. My rule is that they have to be 18 or have already graduated from high school, whichever comes second. I thought about it for a second, wondering if it was a weird boundary crossing thing if we kayaked together... but... she is 20 years old... and I figured why not... I also knew, from kayaking with her Mom last summer, that she was going through some stuff at the time and thought it would be good for her to have someone to chat with if she needed it, if she was still battling some things... So we met up and she was very excited to be outside... we had lots of cool conversations... she's really fighting hard to figure out who she is versus what she thinks people and society expect her to be.... and as we were kayaking she asked me why kayaking is something I love so much... It made me pause... and think instantly of Mom... I explained to her how Mom was the first person in our family to kayak... and how kayaking was often time that Mom and I got together to talk, to be together... and shared so much... and I really still feel a connection to my Mom when I am kayaking... I see things that I know she would notice... and I shared a couple of stories about Mom and I kayaking... It was a cool question that she asked... and again, thinking about Mom made me smile.
It's still not easy to think about Mom being gone... missing her still so much... but... I love that I can see things that trigger happy memories...
Here are some pics I took today... I didn't take many, not sure why, wasn't in the mood to photograph...maybe I was in the mood to chat more instead...
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