Courage or Necessity?

As a teacher I tell my students to 'live the code.'  The code is the code of conduct that our school district has adopted... five words that we hope our students will personify... compassion, honesty, responsibility, respect, and courage.  As a teacher I try, not only in my classroom, to live the code...

Some people know that The Wizard of Oz is one of my favorite movies... it has sentimental value... my sister taunting me about my fear of the flying monkeys... the emerald city being my birthstone and the ruby slippers being my sister's birthstone.  The story of a girl who feels invisible who leaves in an effort to save the creature whose love and loyalty has been her constant, Toto... the meeting of friends who join her in her mission to 'get home'... to find herself and realize what she has in her life instead of what it is missing... friends who help show her how loved she is... The Scarecrow... whose straw filled head takes on a leadership role... the Tin Man whose hollow chest leads us all to follow our hearts... and the Cowardly Lion... who puts up a false bravado to cover his cowardice... we watch the characters evolve... and the Cowardly Lion finds his courage... but were his actions the result of courage or done out of necessity?

The Cowardly Lion fell in love with his friends... friends who accepted him, encouraged him, loved him for who he was... and when those same friends were in trouble, he helped.  Was it bravery? something I always think of as being a choice... or did he do what he did because he couldn't not do them and face himself later?  Does the difference matter?



What does the code of conduct, living my life, and the Wizard of Oz have in common? Well... I had a situation that came up at work... and I had to decide how I would handle it... and have been told that the way I handled it took courage... but to me... it feels more like... necessity... I did it because I couldn't not do it... and still look at myself in the mirror or sleep well at night...

In our school, as many middle schools, we have an advisory program.  Advisory programs are set up as a way to ensure that each kid in a school has one adult to whom he/she can go to for help/support/advice, etc...  Different schools have different models.  Our program started last year.  Along with two other teachers, I started the program.  Every teacher in our building has an advisory group, which is also our homeroom.  No homeroom has more than 14 kids in it... providing a chance for lots of relationship building between the kids and between the kids and the teacher.  In addition to daily homeroom times, we have two periods a week devoted to advisory.  These periods have two focuses: 1. academic encouragement and 2.relationship building/community involvement... 1, the academic piece ... we use time to help kids set goals for themselves academically.  We take time to monitor kids' progress and grades using our online grade book system to which kids and their families have access... and we work on specific skills... 2. the relationship building... we talk about events that are happening in our world, country, town, and school and work to make them relevant to the kids while building relationships.  We do team building activities and also have a strand of community service... This year there are two of us planning the lessons... last Friday's lessons were about the tenth anniversary of September 11th.  I created four lesson plans from which teachers could choose to use...teachers also have the option of creating their own lesson plan for that day about 9-11.  The lesson plans were put out to the staff on Tuesday of last week, for Friday's advisory. 

On Thursday of last week I attended a team meeting.  (I meet with the other teachers who also teach the kids who are in my homeroom. Middle schools often have multiple teams per grade level.)  Two of the teachers on this team have a tough reputation.  Parents request that their kids not be on their team... they are highly political... they treat teaching as their second job... and on day one of the school year when asked how their summer had been... they respond with a number... 539... the number of teaching days remaining until they retire.  They do not act in a way that puts the needs of kids first, and at times act in ways that are detrimental to kids.  Over the years they have been involved with the teachers union (which I support) and have established and maintained a certain level of power over people...and over the climate/culture in our building... in a negative way.  Over the years I have built a relationship with them.  They were among the first who welcomed me to this job and community.  I have been a guest at their house for dinner... I have attended conferences with them which has included sharing drinks together in each other's hotel rooms... you know, filling the bathtubs with ice, using it to keep the beverages cold.  I have respected them, their ideas, and appreciate their advocacy skills and efforts when it comes to negotiating our contract...oh.. I should mention here... that these two teachers are married... to each other...  in recent years I have had less patience for their antics and participated less in their bitch sessions... they preach about integrity and complain that nobody has any... they say they are scrutinized without reason... they are intimidating... I have been frustrated that administration has not been more involved with reprimanding them for some of their behaviors...
So we met as a team... and knowing I design the lesson plans for advisory, they asked me what Friday's plan would be because they were both going to be absent on Friday and wanted to leave plans for their substitutes.  (They said they were attending a funeral... a pre-arranged funeral...sadly because of some of their antics... people question the legitimacy of their reason for being absent.  Usually only one of them is absent on Fridays... they take turns.)  I told them what the plans were and offered a great timeline that would be a great handout for the kids to look at and easy for a sub to discuss. 
Then... on Friday I hit my boiling point.  One of the substitutes was a woman who worked as one of my assistants last year.  (She is now enrolled full time in college but is able to sub some days.)  I asked her if she was all set with the sub plans, if she needed any help... she said she was good to go.  I asked her if she needed help with copying anything for the advisory lesson and she looked at me, confused.  She asked what was supposed to be copied and I then looked at the lesson plan that had been left for the day.  Both teachers, for each of their substitutes, had left as their plan for advisory... to get the two groups together and watch... keep in mind.. 8th graders here...on the Friday before 9-11...  watch Disney's "The Jungle Book," with a note that said it was one of the teacher's favorite movies.  I was IRATE...more than irate.  Disgusted... to not talk with our students about 9-11 on the Friday before its tenth anniversary... in my mind... was ciminal.  Oh... and I should mention.. one of them... is a social studies teacher.  Seriously.  Not kidding.  And none of the SS lesson plans for that day included anything about 9-11. 
I told both subs they were NOT watching Jungle Book.  I told them they were coming to my classroom with my homeroom kids and we would talk about 9-11... which we did... and it was great.  To share history of an event of which the adults were a part... was an incredible opportunity... I feel lucky to have had that chance to have that conversation with those kids... our kids...

So... I asked my principal if I could confront them.  He gave his blessing... though I think he believed I would decide, after having a weekend to cool off... to not confront them. 

He was wrong. 

I asked to meet with them and after exchanging weekend accounts I told them that I needed to talk to them about Friday.  It was a hard conversation.  They were defensive.. I was... assertive.  They had excuses, I offered reasons for those excuses being unacceptable.  They tried to play the victim...saying that because of the scrutiny they are under they, unlike me, would never have the 'right' to confront a coworker.  They asked if I had complained to administration... and in that moment I lied... I said I had not... I could not summon the courage in that moment to put myself in a worse situation... I was scared... They insulted the advisory program, seeing it as one more thing they have to do in their day... they said the lesson plan was confusing... well she did, he never reads them, he does what she does...she said she did not have time to do anything from the plan... even though she had read the lesson plan on Wednesday... which she failed to mention in our conversation on Thursday... when I said they could have emailed me to help their subs... they said there simply wasn't time... After going round and round with them... I told them I needed to leave and attend another meeting (which was true.)  As I was leaving they commented that my body language showed that I was less than thrilled with the meeting.  I told them it was more disappointment... that I have had a relationship with them for going on twelve years now... that in all the time I have known them they preach about integrity...that it is the quality that has been missing in every administrator we have had in those twelve years...they complain about how nobody goes to them directly to address concerns... and when I come to them, because of my integrity...for me, for our profession, for our kids... and they somehow try to justify "The Jungle Book..."  was insulting and saddened me... and that I felt like integrity, a quality they claim to admire so much....is something they do not value.  (I wanted to add, but didn't, that they do not have integrity.)  I was crying a little at the end.. which made me angry... crying because I did have a level of respect for them and had a rapport that I enjoyed... and sad because they have changed as much as I had feared...or then again, maybe I have changed and just have opened my eyes...

I shared this with a couple of my colleagues to whom I am very close and trust, knowing it will not go further.  They said I was brave.  That I showed courage.  That I did something they could never do no matter how much they may want to... one told me that I had won.... because later in the day one of them came to me and said that he did appreciate that I came to them to have that conversation.  TO which I replied, "I hope so, but I am not sure I believe that." 

But... it wasn't about being brave... or about them appreciating my integrity...I did it because I couldn't not have that conversation... that very tough conversation.  Maybe without having completed my coursework and internship I would not have had the confidence to do what I did... but... with all of my being... I HAD to have that conversation. 

I know it wasn't just about the 9-11 lesson plan.  I know this.  I needed to tell them that I am not part of their puppet show... that any strings they had on me have been cut.  I think they had suspected that anyway, but I needed to confirm it to them.  I needed them to know that they do not hold the power over their colleagues that they think they have... that people are fed up with their antics, that people are watching them... and that people are going to stand up for what is right... even when, and especially when, it means questioning their integrity.