Change of season...

So earlier today I had intended to write about a few things, but got distracted and wrote another post instead.  So, that means today is a double blog day.... Fall is definitely coming... Last weekend one of the local 10k races was held, one in which I participated in 2009 & 2010.  Next weekend is the half marathon...in which I also participated in 2009 & 2010... It feels strange to not be participating this year.  I debated whether or not I wanted to do them... but as summer began I decided this summer would be dedicated more to kayaking than walking.  Of course I probably could have done both, but I needed a change this summer... something less rigid.  After finishing my degree and without having to take classes this summer.. I needed to just have some time where I could do what I wanted to do... and I thoroughly enjoyed it.  I do miss the excitement and anticipation of participating in those events... and will consider doing them again next year... which brings me to the treadmill... and the gym...

I have been using the treadmill... I am not yet using it as much as I want to or will be using it... getting used to having it here and this week at school was very hectic... and I was exhausted... because of having the treadmill here, I have been debating about keeping my gym membership.  Do I need it? Yesterday, Suellen texted to see if I wanted to go to the gym.. and I accepted... on the way there I told her that I would probably cancel my membership as we left you have to cancel it in person... but I like the gym... I didn't do a huge workout... 40 minutes on the bike... (I chose to bike so that I could do some reading since I didn't get much reading time in last week either..)  Afterwards I stretched out a lot and felt great.  So I have not yet cancelled my membership... but we'll see... it could be a nice change of pace from the treadmill once in a while...

The other thing I was going to write about today was letting go of things... last week I mailed some cds to Matt, cds that I had borrowed from him.  I had misplaced one of them... and had held off sending them to him until I could send them all. I sent him an email on Wednesday or Thursday telling him they would be coming.  He wrote back thanking me.  It was the first contact we have had in a long time.  Since we broke up I have thought about him once in a while... had a lot of questions... but have since found the answers I needed to fully get over it and move on...I would say about three weeks ago, I kind of had this moment of just looking at things, and  finally felt grateful... grateful that things ended...  Grateful I know what I now know... I am no longer looking for reasons... which is why I think I finally put effort into finding the last cd... when I put them in the mail it was kind of like closure for me... saying good bye and farewell to it all...  Ironically he had left the comment that had prompted today's previous entry a couple days before I sent him an email telling him the cds were in the mail.  His decision to comment on my blog is interesting. Why now? Why that post? Has he been reading the blog since things ended? If so, why? Those questions are rhetorical, by the way.. I do not need to know the answers....  When he broke up with me... he quickly erased all traces of me... on his facebook and I am sure in other ways... and over the summer there was a piece of me... that wondered if he had thought of me since we broke up.  If things had meant anything to him.. if I had meant anything... and while whether he had or hadn't is truly irrelevant... there is part of me that hopes that he somehow, in his own way cared about how I was doing, that things did matter to him.  That hope comes not from my need for him to care but from my need to believe that the goodness I saw in him, the caring person,  exists... if even on the most microscopic level... My faults in that situation, were trusting him, believing him... and believing in him... but... I took him for the person he told me he was... which makes me think of a Maya Angelou quote... something like "When someone shows you who they are, believe them."   Next time... I will pay more attention to how someone shows me who he is... lesson learned... again... I am grateful. 

Things are always changing... somehow the rest of this post disappeared... I will continue on a new entry...

The last two pictures are of a rainbow... if you can see it... I first noticed it in the water, the reflection... and the sun was so bright as I looked up in the sky to find it, that I wasn't sure if it would come out or not, but there it is! 

Happy fall!  Do something new!

I am going to try to post a video... of the water reflecting on the stone in the stone tunnel I kayak into... if there is nothing here, if nothing shows up, I apologize! The sound you hear is water rushing through a beaver dam.  The water levels have been a little higher and being in the tunnel with the water rushing was pretty cool!