'Mamma said there'd be days like these...'

I have checked and double checked the calendar to see if this week has full moons... moons that are fuller than full... but the truth is that the moon isn't supposed to be full again until the end of the month.  So... maybe the 12-12-12 phenomenon has created the havoc.  Havoc is a good word for it... ups and downs... and I don't even know where to begin with it.. the insanity started last week and it has continued... when I say insanity it isn't necessarily negative... there are a lot of good things in the mix as well... The last two days, for the first time since starting this job, I have felt .... discouraged... maybe discourage is the wrong word... worried that there are kids I can't help, can't reach... I want to write all about it to share it to get it out of my head, but I feel like the information is so sensitive that I shouldn't share here... students locked up, students wanting to kill themselves or run away, students who are in emotionally abusive relationships, and more... this week I have been more of a detective than anything else... There is a kid who I am worried about... so disengaged... and I have no ideas on how to help him... leading a horse to water and not being able to make him drink... There are so many ways to support him, resources offered... and yet he is choosing things that are not going to help him... I have spent a lot of time with him this year including over two hours yesterday and for what? I don't know that anything I said or did during that time was helpful to him...

But then again, I was at work tonight until 5 with a family I had been with since early afternoon... a kid in crisis... (which means we call a local organization that needs to screen a kid for safety.)  Complicated.  A kid who has shared with me several times this year that he cannot trust people.... yet today when the crisis worker met him, when I introduced them, I asked him if he wanted me to be present with him or if he wanted to have privacy with this person, he wanted me to stay... and at different points in the afternoon looked to me for guidance and reassurance... at one point his mother hugged him so tightly it brought tears to my eyes... and as I gave them a ride home because they don't have a car and the public bus wasn't coming until much later... got to see that maybe there is hope for this student, for this family... that this is a kid who I think will be okay...

And there was the kid who admittedly has been a pain in my ass this year... a kid who I have worried a lot about and while there are times he annoys me, I see him as having potential and needing an adult to set limits... who was in my office today and went off on such a tirade that my secretary instinctively came close to my door so she could hear the conversation and get help if  needed it... who asked to be assigned to the other assistant principal.... who told me he was going to drop out and stormed off, then came back and we were able to talk a bit and get to a better place... where I believe that the worst thing that we could do in this moment is switch assistant principals... because it would reinforce the lessons he has been taught all his life: throw a tantrum, get what you want... when you disagree with someone in your life you walk away angry instead of working on things, through things, and build relationships....

It's such a weird balance... of stress mixed with hope... and even as I write about it I am exhausted and am going to sign off....

In other news... today was day 22 in a row of being active... the last couple of days has been a challenge for sure.... but... I did it... 78 more to go...