Happy.......Holidays

Thankfully the last couple of days at school were uneventful... well... less eventful than last week at least! (It's all about perspective!)  There was however a situation that evolved today is one I will remember for a long time.  This morning I met with four of my kids who I see often for one reason or another... good kids.. kids who I keep an eye on... who are part of the after school program we started for kids in danger of not graduating... I rarely meet with multiple students at the same time, but these four friends decided to skip a class yesterday and hang out together.  They know they are supposed to be in class.  I have busted them individually in the past and they know I keep an eye on their attendance... so when they all came to my office, together, they were pretty jovial... and I asked them about the curious fact that each of them was absent from their period one class.  Fortunately they are not liars and confessed to being together.  I asked them if they liked being together and they all said yes, so I told them I had a holiday gift for them and assigned each of them a late night detention... a regular detention is an hour and a half... a late night is three hours.  I told them I was fostering their desire to spend quality time together.  They all tried to barter, to get a regular detention instead... and I refused.  They were not happy... and left my office... not long after that two of them returned to talk to the other assistant principal (AP).  They asked him if one of them could have permission to go to our vocational center with the other for the afternoon even though he is not enrolled there.  The other AP said no.. and they were mad... and I was frustrated... how could they possibly ask permission for one of them to skip two of his classes after just getting in trouble for it?  So While the kids were waiting to catch the bus to go to the voc center, I decided I wanted to go talk to them and let them know that there is no way they are going to be allowed to have tie off from classes when they just got in trouble for skipping... and in reflection did so with a bit of a chip on my shoulder.  I approached the boy who wanted to go and asked why on earth he thought he could go to that other school, which would mean missing his classes, after our discussion that morning.  He got really mad and defensive and said things like him being so tired of this school and people lying to him and told me he really didn't care to hear my opinion... and did so in a way that was the most rude I have ever seen him... and then the kid who does attend got involved and said that the kid should be able to go and I came back at him with a mother knows best tone and said, yeah, after skipping class yesterday I am going to let him skip two more... and he became rude... again out of character for the kid I have known for four months... and as he started saying something about it having been in the works for a while, the other kid coming with him to the voc center and when I started to question that, because I was totally confused, he got more mad and started walking out of the school to the bus and yelled, and I mean yelled, "Happy F*$&*$^ Holidays."

Oh. No. He. Didn't.

Of course I went after him.  The other kids were already loaded on the bus and I told him that I didn't think he should go to the voc center today either.  He didn't like that and became even more aggressive and told me I wasn't going to stop him.  I told him he was not going to get on the bus and that he needed to come to my office and he told me there was no F'ing way he was going to do that, that he would just leave... and I told him to consider himself suspended... and he walked away.  I assumed to his car and was leaving...

So I called his mom and told her about it... and she was supportive and asked where he had gone and I told her I assumed he had driven home... and she told me he has no license... and that she was going to leave work to go find him... Not long after that my phone rang and it was the student... I asked where he was.. and he had ran after the bus, which stopped and picked him up... and he had arrived at the voc. center.  He was calling to apologize.

Apologize? I was both happy and cautious... he explained to me that he had gotten on the bus and for a moment had been the hero... kids high five-ing him and telling him that it had been funny... and he said that as he rode to the voc center he felt guilty... and said that he was so frustrated with the situation but that he didn't think I deserved to be treated as he had treated me.  I told him that more than anything I was confused because that his actions were not reflective of who I have known him to be.  And he said that he was just frustrated with the situation, that his friend, the kid who wanted to go with him, keeps getting screwed... and I told him I had no idea what he was talking about... So he told me the situation... his friend, as a freshman, had failed some classes.  His guidance counselor that year told him that it wasn't even worth him going to summer school to try to recover some of those credits... then as a sophomore and junior he was allowed to go to the voc center... and while there made a huge connection with the teacher he worked with... he explained that this teacher was like the father his friend never had and that they were just trying to arrange a way for them to spend time together.  That explained to me, the other kids behavior and frustration, but I knew I didn't have the whole story.  So this kid again apologized and begged to not be suspended... I told him that I had to do something because he caused a scene and he could not be allowed to do that without consequence.  He agreed and I asked him what he would propose for a punishment.  (In my mind, suspending him for the rest of today, which would have prevented him from participating in the party at the voc center, was enough..)  He told me that he thought it would be fair for him to stay in the office at the voc center and that he could do three extra late night detentions... I told him that I appreciated that, knowing that most kids think three hours of detention is the worst possible punishment we hand out... and I told him that I thought that was too much... and told him that I felt he needed to not return to our school on the bus, that the other kids needed to see that he had not gotten away with it... so I wanted his parents to pick him up at the voc center and that he could do an additional late night in addition to the one he had already been assigned.  He agreed.  He proceeded to again apologize, telling me that he needs to work on his anger and telling me that he wished he would have been able to tell me what was happening so that I could understand......

So then I called down the other kid, the one who wanted to go... and he arrived, avoided eye contact... and I told him that I didn't like our earlier interaction, because he had never been rude like that and I was worried about him. He looked up and said he was just mad about the whole thing about the lady who kept lying  to him... and I said to him, I just spoke with your friend and he told me part of the story, but not all of it and asked him to fill in the details.  Turns out that this year he has asked a couple of times, to visit the teacher at the voc center, and has been told that it was possible by a guidance counselor, who then later told him it wasn't.  This time he said, she had made it seem like it would happen, but then today, last minute told him he needed a permission slip (impossible to get while at school) signed by a parent and also needed approval of the other AP who works closest with the voc center.  I was, in that moment, angry, not at the kid, but at the lack of communication to me about this kid who I have worked so closely with... I got more information about what had happened and as we talked he relaxed and also apologized to me for being rude earlier citing his frustration.  I asked him to tell me about the teacher at the voc center and this tough kid got a bit  emotional and told me that this teacher was probably the person who has impacted his life the most... and it made me love the dedication of teachers... he talked about how hard it was to not be there this year... and when I asked why he wasn't, he went into a detailed explanation of needing specific classes and credits... and he was right... but there were so many details that made me mad... and after he explained I paused and he looked at me and I said I owe you an apology.  He looked at me, confused, and asked what I was talking about... and I said that the school has failed him.  That somewhere, someone should have noticed all of the little errors that had added up to the situation he was in... which was not being able to go to the voc center because of needing to retake some classes due to failing his first year... He has worked so hard since then, carrying full loads of classes and earning credits to be able to catch up to his classmates... and he didn't know what to say.  I pulled up his schedule and grades and talked to him about his needing to attend our after school program, but he told me that he often has to take care of his younger siblings and can't stay.. which I know is true... and then I looked at his schedule and every other day he has a workshop and an independent study during the time the other kids go to the voc center... and I asked him, if I could arrange it, would he be willing to keep his grades up in order to go to voc every other Friday... and he looked at me, furrowed his brow, and said he didn't think that was possible, but said..., "It would sure make it easier for me to want to come to school."  Done. Sold.  Deal complete... So while he was in my office I emailed the teacher with whom he is doing the independent study and the teacher at the voc center to see if he missed class at our school once every two weeks if he would still be able to pass and earn the credit and to ask the voc teacher if having a student there so infrequently was doable, if it would make sense starting at the beginning of the second semester.  I told him that it couldn't hurt to ask... and as we concluded our conversation and he got up to leave... his eyes filled up and he said, "I don't know what to say to you... nobody here, in this school, has ever..." and he looked away..." ever gone out like that for me... fought to do something that would help me... Thank you."  At that point I held back the tears... and told him that it was me that needed to thank him.. and again he was perplexed.  I said, "I thank you.  For not dropping out when I think that probably seemed a lot easier.  For telling me how important this teacher was to him, and for working so hard to graduate despite the barriers that were put in front of him...." What a great conversation to have moments before the end of the day... and then, the cherry on top of that sundae... immediately both teachers responded to my email and said yes... both indicated how important they feel this is for him, knowing he needs it... and thanking me for thinking of  it...

So I wrote a notecard to this student... so that he would get a positive note from school... that told him that it was approved and that we would start at the start of the next semester.  It was a fun card to write! I would like to see him reading it.

I then called the other student back.. woke him up, which I was good with... and told him that he was a good friend, that because he had been able to calm down and express to me that he was frustrated because he felt like his friend wasn't getting something he needed, I was able to step in and try to help... and told him that at the end of the semester some good things would be in place.  He simply said, "Really?"  And I said yes... and told him that I wanted him to enjoy vacation... and he said to me... I hope you have a good vacation too.. and Miss B... Happy" and he paused then said, "Holidays."  And again apologized for swearing at me earlier and said, "I really hope you have a good vacation...Merry Christmas."

So my lesson here... is that even when I think I know what kids are doing, I don't.  I need to ask questions before making assumptions about kids... especially kids who I have gotten to know.  I should have known something was off, that there was something deeper going on... the other lesson... is to not hold a grudge against the kids... which I don't think I do... but this is a huge example of that... And... I need to talk about communication with guidance about 'my' kids...

I'm not a mom... but... I am protective of my kids... I learned so much about these kids today... and it is only going to help me as I continue to work with them... It was stressful, in the middle.. but... I feel like I got a happy ending... a great way to end my 2012 school year... I am lucky to have this job... with these kids... I am grateful.