Ayuh.....

So... my knee theory... is pretty much right...I had an evaluation today, with a physical therapist... and the verdict is... he is 99% sure that my iliotibial band is too tight... causing the pain... the other 1% is a possible tear in the meniscus or cartilage... but very unlikely... so... this iliotibial thingy... usually is aggrivated in people who are very active, runners and serious walkers... is it strange that I take some sort of pride that I am under the same umbrella as very active people, runners, and serious walkers? Trust me, that pride is short lived when I talked to my PT guy about the half marathon... when we talked about it, he furrowed his brow... (it's a handsome brow by the way, a handsome married brow...) and said he will try... to get me to a place where I can do it... but.. he said IF I do it... I will be in significant pain afterwards... hmmmm... how bad do I want this.... pretty bad...

So... for now... my orders include, icing my knee after I do any activity... Aleve or advil as needed... limit my walks to no more than 1.5 miles at a time AND I have to take a full day off in between walks... he made me promise this... he knew I was trying to find ways around the restrictions... he even said no to swimming because sometimes some of the kicking can irritate it...

It's funny... because at the evaluation today, at first, I was having no problems or discomfort... and I started going to that dark place where I was when pvns first entered my life... having real pain and thinking nobody would believe me... but after several other movements, we found the pain, and hopefully we will find some relief for it...

I am no stranger to physical therapy... and when my doc said I needed to go, I asked to go back to the place I have been before... so today when I returned, there were familiar faces... which is nice... they were worried I was there for my other knee, that things were not going well...I was happy to report that was not the case. I told them that I like them so much, I HAD to come back... It is nice that I have a place in which I have confidence, where I am comfortable, with good people... I feel like IF there are any people who can get me to a place where I can safely walk the upcoming half... they will... and I trust them enough that if they say I shouldn't do it... I won't... as much as I will hate that... I will do what they tell me I should...

So... we'll see...

Stella Kitty & today's workout...

This is my Stella... in her cat carrier... as we sat at the emergency vet clinic last night... Stella has some blood in her urine... after doing some online research and calling the emergency vet, I decided it was smart to take her into the emergency vet... she has a urinary tract infection...is now on antibiotics and will be given some special food... in order to monitor her food and water intake and output, I have her segregated in my bathroom, away from the other felines... she is not happy and neither are the others... they seem to be congregating around the bathroom door to visit her. We got home form the vet around 12:30 a.m. and I got her set up in the bathroom, and was supposed to give her the first of the antibiotics, but was supposed to make sure she had some food in her belly... so.... I hung out in the bathroom with her for a while and made sure she had some food... then managed to get that pill down her throat... which was not fun...so I was up until about 2 a.m.

I have every reason to think that she is going to be okay... but there is that little piece of my brain that thinks she is doomed... when it comes to cats, I have had a couple die from kidney failure as young kittens... and can't help but wonder...

And then there is the part of my brain that did some math and thought that the meds would run out on April 18th...the day my mom died last year... and prior to my mom's cancer she had what the docs thought was a simple UTI... so.. my mind went to all kinds of crazy places... but... I realized I was a week off... the meds will run out April 11th...which is easier in my brain to handle... ugh...

I hope Stella is okay... and I hope that after a couple of days, as her urine output increases, I will be able to let her hang with her sister kitties...

So.. of course Stella getting sick, the timing of it... makes me shake my head... and I know that it is something that brings my focus back to my mom's death... there is a lot to think about with that..


Drastically changing the subject because I don't want to think about it all right now, at this moment....

So my knee has been bothering me after walking... my right knee, my non-pvns knee... and I have been freaking out... worrying that pvns is back on the prowl... even though my doc has said she thinks it is tendinitis... and from what I have researched, think I believe her... so I had not done any exercise this week, because I had a busy week and because I was feeling discouraged and sorry for myself that my knee hurts, and also used the excuse of my doctor telling me not to do weight bearing activities... this morning I had planned to meet up with Sue to go to the gym to bike... and because I was up so late with Stella I told her I couldn't go that early, but that I would go on my own later... which I did... I was thinking to myself... that if this knee issue is more than tendinitis, my knee will not tolerate biking... so I took inspiration from the last episode of the biggest loser, and decided to bike a marathon, 26.2 miles... so I did! I started out on the recumbent bike and did 14 miles...then switched to the stationary bike and did the rest...12.2 miles...

It took me a little less than 75 minutes to do it. I was unsure if I would be able to walk afterwards, knowing that sometimes my legs get all jello-y after biking for a long time, but I was okay... and went grocery shopping afterwards... I am going to ice my knee tonight, just as a precaution, but... it does make me feel a little better... pvns would not tolerate biking a marathon! Right?! Fingers crossed! Tuesday I will get an evaluation done by PT and look forward to it. I hope it's good news, with a strict plan to get me back on pace for my half marathon...

Self diagnosis...

I've been reading some things online... and think my right knee issue is called...Illiotibial Band Syndrome... I have an appointment on Tuesday...for an evaluation... we'll see if I am right.

If I am right... it is kind of good news... treatment will involve strengthening exercises... but I am not sure how long the recovery time is... and NEED to be okay to do the half marathon coming up....

The doctor says...

The doctor says that she thinks my knee pain is being caused from tendonitis... and that there is a nerve that could be being affected by the tendonitis... which makes sense given what I am feeling... so... I am heading back to physical therapy, for an evaluation and hopefully some exercises that will get me going again... in time for my next half marathon .... ugh...

Gratifying

In addition to teaching, coaching, and taking classes, I also make the programs for the track meets for the middle school team I coach. This sounds fairly simple, but it is very time consuming and adds to my stress during the middle school season. The program includes an order of events, a "map" of the facility including starting and finishing lines for each event, rosters of every team in the league (9 teams, with between 70-100 kids per team), results from the previous week's meet, pictures of the kids, a cover, and weekly games/activities. Once I get the roster created I can pretty much use it week after week (unless coaches ask me to make changes - which usually happens until the third or fourth week.) I can also use the order of events and map every week, but the rest of the stuff changes weekly... I take the pictures that I include, which means that on Saturdays I spend the entire day at the facility where we hold our meets. There are 3 meets for our league every Saturday, one of which is the meet my team competes in, so during that meet I get little photo time because I am coaching...but each Saturday I take over 250 pictures... and then have to take time to edit them to see if they are usable for the program... I also try to put some of the better pics on the cover of the program.

Anyway... This year I have had several parents email me to see if they could please get copies of the pictures that are in the program. When I tell them I can email it to them, they get so excited and are so grateful that they have a picture of their kid to send to a grandparent or to print out for their kid... it's nice. I like that something I did made someone else feel good.

I am learning that I really love taking pictures... although I have to say that I prefer to take pictures of nature instead of middle school kids at track meets... but I do get excited when I get a cute candid picture of a kid as they talk to their friends or an action shot, like a kid going over a hurdle...

I think I need to focus, no pun intended, on things like photography that I feel are gratifying to me. I just need to figure out what I want to do with the photos once I take them... some supportive relatives are convinced I could sell them, but where? how? I don't know... but for now, I want to just take them, and play with my camera...

I do have to let y'all in on a little secret... one I am very excited about...

Last month, at the sports banquet for my high school team, I was talking with a couple of the mothers of a couple of my kids... and they were talking about drumming... one woman said her husband takes middle eastern drumming classes..... this caught my ear. A few years back... I went to an event in Portland that was a celebration of sorts for some of the local African cultures... and there was this group, of women... who did this AMAZING music... based mostly in African Drumming... there was something about that music, those drums that brought tears to my eyes, something that made me feel so connected to those rhythms... and I told myself that I would one day love to take a drumming class... The woman who was also listening to this other woman talk about her husband's class, asked if there were other drumming classes. So I asked her if she was interested in taking a class and she said she had always wanted to, but would like to have someone to go with. So I told her I was that person! This is something I would not usually do - get in contact with a parent of one of my kids outside of the coaching or teaching roles I play... but this particular parent is different... and her daughter is a senior, so technically I am no longer her coach... so... it is possible to start a friendship with this woman... Anyway.. I am on a tangent... We decided that we would take a middle eastern drumming class together, even though we both said we would prefer African drumming. (I had looked into local classes in African drumming, but availability was pretty scarce.) So this woman and I have been emailing, and I am so excited to report that she found the middle eastern drumming instructor a little... well... questionable... but said that she had gotten in touch with a woman from a drumming group, Inanna, who said she would be starting a class in African Drumming this spring! WHOA! Inanna, by the way IS the group I had seen years back... which gave me the chills a little... so... I am VERY excited and hope that the scheduling works out for this. I will be taking another class for my masters degree after my current class ends in May... and the second class is 2 nights a week, so I am very much hoping that the drumming will fit in... fingers crossed...

Uh oh...

Today I was supposed to walk 7 miles... after 3.5 my RIGHT knee was bothering me a lot... came home and iced for a couple of hours.... going to call the doc tomorrow and see what she thinks... this is NOT the knee I had surgery on... but I have to say that my head immediately goes to something major being wrong...please be something simple......... please...

My spirit was hungry... so I fed it...

After work today I KNEW I needed to go to the beach... I wanted to go and walk on the sand, smell the salty air, and let go of some of the stress I have been carrying... I remembered to bring my camera and there was lots to pohotograph. The beach was interesting today.. parts of the beach were covered with these huge clams... parts were covered with small pieces of driftwood...parts covered with seaweed.. it was an interesting journey. The clams were everywhere! I have been to that beach often and have seen the huge clamshells... and have found a couple of the living clams that squirted me for disturbing them... but nothing like today. There were thousands of clams, big clams...almost as big as my feet... which is saying something! I also found a lot of sand dollars... live ones... The live ones are purply or reddish and when you flip them over they have these little spiny spiky things on them, almost like a sea urchin would...and they move... the texture feels pretty cool actually. I saw three starfish, only one of which was alive... and there were seagulls... I don't mean a few seagulls... a ton of them... they were feasting on all the clams and other shellfish... they were picking up these giant clams in their mouths, flew high above the beach, dropped them to break their shells, and ate... it was crazy to watch... crazy... people on the beach didn't know what to do ... like the others on the beach, I wondered how to save the clams... I saw people carrying clams to the water, I carried sand dollars to the water... why were they out of the water to begin with? It made me wonder about out environment... or maybe it was related to the crazy storm we had last week... I don't know, but it was unusual...

My entire walk was about 5.5 miles... and I was worried if my breathing could handle it because I have been dealing with bronchitis like symptoms, but my breathing was fine... however I am a bit concerned... my right knee (not the one I had surgery on...) really bothered me... I am supposed to walk 7 miles Sunday and if it does the same thing again, I will go to the doctor. I am hoping that it bothered me because the beach is uneven and it is hard to walk in the sand... we'll see... The beach did help me let go of some stress, though it's also a place to think... and because I was enjoying looking at all that was on the beach and taking over 200 pictures... I was out there for about 3 hours... so there was lots of time to think and reflect...but I needed the beach today... my spirit needed it... I invited a friend to come with me, but she was unable to join me... I am actually glad it worked out that way... so that I could be alone with my thoughts and stop as I wanted to stop...

I think one of the things I like about the beach... is that it erases signs that anyone was there... the waves delete the footprints that were made... so every wave means a clean slate... it's like when you want to make a snow angel, and you try to find the perfect, untouched, patch of snow to make the snow angel.... the beach creates those blank patches constantly... which is beautiful... but also sad... how quickly our impressions are forgotten... how quickly there is no proof we were ever there... how insignificant our footprints can be...

I also thought about how sometimes I allow things in my life to get so hectic, that I allow parts of myself to be washed away or worn down... and how easily it happens... because sometiems it's too hard to keep making those footprints...too hard to keep up with the waves... sometimes I should move further back from the waves...where my footprints will remain until the next high tide... but there is something about the waves that draws me to them...

A day of ups and downs... strong emotions...

Recovering

My bronchial issues are gradually going away... I am still feeling pretty tired and when I get coughing it is hard to stop, but it's better. I didn't work out this week because of not being able to breathe well. Today I was supposed to do six miles for my training. That was not an option... but I did go to the gym, and did weight training with my legs and did the physical therapy exercises for my knee. Not a hugely intense workout, but I did something which felt good... granted I had to take a nap afterward, but... that's ok. I hope this week goes well and that this bronchial thing goes away...

In other news...I am posting a picture of myself with my new glasses. It was time for a new pair and I went with a style that is different than any I have had before. I am getting used to them and kind of like them...

So... the one year anniversary of my mom's death is approaching... and it is very much on my mind. In some ways it is so hard to believe that it has been a year, and in other ways... seems like it has been longer. Knowing that a year has passed is a strange thing...I can't even articulate it... but it's bubbling... swirling around in my head...

Blah

So after my walk with some slight jogging Sunday, my asthma flaired up... and I didn't think much of it....went to Zumba Monday, then Tuesday while I was at work I felt kind of sick and dizzy... but felt better as the day went on... I ended up staying home yesterday because I was just exhausted and feeling like a sinus infection was starting to develop... today I got up and went into work and after several coworkers told me how bad I looked, how horrible I sounded, I checked in with the school nurse who suggested I go to the doctor...mostly because my peak flow (breathing test) was kind of low... so I was able to get into my doctor...and today I felt more like bronchitis was on the horizon than a sinus infection... I got on the scale at her office and she was very impressed that I was down 15 lbs, since last seeing her... then she told me that I definitely have sme kind of virus, but that it was not yet any kind of sinus infection or bronchitis...but she said that if I don't take care of myself, it could easily head that way... so she told me that in addition to my regular daily inhaler, I need to use my emergency inhaler until my breathing is better under control... she also said I needed to get mucinex, and need to lay low... the last part of the prescription is the hardest for me...laying low... but I came home and was able to rest this afternoon, actually slept for 4.5 hours and am still tired. so I am hoping I will be able to head to bed early tonight and wake up tomorrow feeling much better.
So much for my training schedule this week!

The universe works...

I am not sure what is going on... in addition to the whole - me jogging thing... something crazy happened at Zumba tonight. I love Zumba... LOVE IT... am a bit of an addict in fact. But when I go to Zumba there are certain ....errr... rules that I follow... the biggest rule for me is that I position myself in the back row... ALWAYS! There are lots of reasons for that. One... I am so tall that I don't like to block anyone from seeing the instructor... two... in the back row, I can shake my booty with less inhibitions... and three... the parts of my body that jiggle prefer jiggling privately... There have been a couple of classes in which my rule has been challenged... recently the back row was full... so I ended up in the middle (front to back middle) and WAY to the left, so that people's eyes were still very much diverted from me... Tonight, however, the universe played a cruel joke on me. I got to class... got my back row, center spot... and after two songs things fell apart. The instructor's ipod thingy was on shuffle, mixing up the order of her songs, and she kept having to go to the sound system area to change the songs... the sound system happened to be in the back of the room, in the corner. (This is yet ANOTHER reason why I believe i-anything, apple, is part of a cult!) So, in order to make the music change more efficiently, the instructor announced that for tonight, she was changing the class... that she needed to stay closer to the sound system... SOOO... the back suddenly became the front. WHAT? Excuse me? So.. my BFA, comfortable in the back row, has suddenly become Front and Center... FRONT and freaking Center! I did think about sprinting to the back of the room, you know, now that I am a jogger ad all... but then thought that doing so would be pretty lame... so I decided to stick it out... and by stick it out, I mean stay there for the duration, not sticking out my BFA... anyway... I am sure there were lots of people who could not see the instructor past me, but, she tried to keep moving back and forth to stay more visible... and I was doing okay... thinking that I could endure this class and next time things would return to normal... a.k.a... the back! But then it happened... EYE CONTACT... with the instructor... as a song began, before she officially started teaching it...my body, not under my control at that moment, began moving to the song, doing the choreography... and as I looked to the instructor for her normal guidance... she gestured to me... motioning for me to join her, up front, FACING the class, for a song... I shrugged it off, thinking she was joking... but she WASN'T! After two refusals, she asked again and then some of my Zumba buddies started yelling for me to get up there... so... I DID... I went to the VERY front, even with the instructor and faced the class... (35+ people there)... and I did the song with her... in front of everyone... with my arm fat jiggling, with my BFA shaking, with my hips moving, with my legs jumping all around...with my heart racing, and my breathing heavy... I did it... and... while I was glad when the song was over, I was pleasantly surprised that I didn't make a complete ass out of myself. At least I don't think I did... and... I was able to keep up with all the choreography... and at one point the instructor missed a couple beats and I didn't! (Way good for my ego!) I have seen her and other instructors do that before, bring people up from the class to co-teach with them... but usually it is other zumba instructors or instructors in training... I had never seen them bring up someone who is just a zumba groupie!

So the universe is leading me into new directions.... jogging...and the front of a zumba class... what's next? Maybe I will just go with the flow... and see where I end up... of course that involves giving up some control... which for those of you who know me well... know I don't do well with giving up control.... but... maybe it's time...

Jogging? Me? Really??

I hate running. I have always hated running. The only time I have ever seen any point to running was when I was a basketball player and needed to travel from one end of the court to the other. So when I see people running, for the sake of running, I don't get it. But then again, before completing the half marathon in October, I never understood anyone's desire to do that either...

So I am in the midst of training for another half marathon. I am very excited about it. It's a birthday present to myself. I will be turning 35 in early May and really wanted to do something healthy for myself to celebrate, so I got this idea in my head to do another half marathon. I hadn't really put too much effort into looking for a half marathon, but had located one in China... but figured that was a bit too far to go to walk 13.1 miles... and if I am going to travel someplace that is THAT far away, I will be going to Africa, thank you very much. Anyway, I am getting sidetracked.

When I had done one of the races in the fall, either the 10k race or the half marathon, I was eligible for a free subscription to one of those health magazines. To be honest, I had forgotten about the free magazine because it hadn't been delivered... until a couple of months ago. Upon flipping through the pages I found an advertisement for a half marathon, and thought it looked pretty cool. And it happens to be within a couple weeks of my birthday. So, I thought it would be cool to do. I put the idea out to some friends, saying I would love some birthday half marathon company, and much to my surprise a few of them have also signed up and will also be participating! Very cool!

The catch to this thing... THIS half marathon has a time limit. You have to be able to finish in 3 hours and 30 minutes... which means, that in order to finish, without being booted off the course, and in order to have an official time, I have to finish in less than 3 and a half hours... so.. math geeks... that means that my pace MUST be about/under 1 minute miles. Which doesn't necessarily sound that intimidating, unless you have spent time walking and realize that it is about 3.7 miles per hour. So, on the treadmill, having to maintain that pace can be tough... or at least for me it is. So... I am worried that I may not be able to meet that time goal, 3 hours 30 minutes... unless... Unless....UNLESS there is jogging involved! UGH, yep, I said it... I think I am going to have to jog a bit in order to do this thing in a respectable way... This is an idea I have bene toying with in my head for a while, but had not, until recently shared it with anyone... but now it's out there... this idea of me at least jogging pieces of this half marathon...

So with that in mind, last weekend I did 4 miles on the treadmill in 64:45, (16:12 minute mile) which included 0.15 miles of jogging. Today, my mileage training goal was 5 miles. (The pic above is me AFTER finishing today.) My goal was to do 16 minute miles, which meant finishing 5 miles in 80 minutes. My first jogging leg of the trip was under a quarter of a mile, I started jogging and found a landmark to jog to... and when I finished that first jogging piece I was not happy. My asthma was not behaving itself (mental note to start carrying my inhaler if I am going to jog) and it took me a little while to get my breathing back to where I wanted it. After a while I did the same thing again... and during the 5 mile run, ended up having 5-6 mini jogs...which probably added up to 3/4 of a mile total jogging time. So... I think my plan for this week is to get a watch (I've always hated watches too!) that is one of those runner type watches....So glad to combine 2 things I hate, watches and jogging... who am I anyway? And whenever I am doing my training, I will walk for for a mile , then jog for 3 minutes, then walk until I get to the next mile marker, and jog for three minutes... and keep that up... with the hopes to get to the point of extending that 3 minutes to 4 minutes, which hopefully would be about a quarter of a mile... if I get up to jogging a quarter of a mile out of every mile (except for mile 1) that means I will jog 1.75 miles out of the 13.1.... oh yeah, plus that would mean jogging the final 0.1 mile... so joogging a total of 1.85 miles out of 13.1..... doesn't sound too bad... I suppose... That would definitely keep me at the pace I want to be able to finish in under 3 and a half hours...

Phew... this is hard work... the math part, not necessarily the walking part! Ha, just kidding. I do have to say that I am lucky to have supportive friends who also have health as a priority. Today's walk/jog adventure included my friend Suellen walking, jogging by my side, letting me set the pace. (She is participating in the half with me and is planning to jog more of it than I am!) Also, my friend, Debbie, her husband, and her son, also met up with us at the starting point. They went at their own pace and my friend Debbie jogged a lot! A LOT! Talk about getting healthy and having no fear - Deb has worked really hard to lose a significant amount of weight, and her goal is to run a 5k without stopping... I don't think I can do that, 3.1 miles without stopping... or could I?? Nah... It was very cool to meet up with friends for something healthy...

While I have never liked the idea of jogging/running... I have liked it even less since PVNS was involved in my life...not that i have done any jogging to make me like it any less, but the idea of it...while I know logically, that my doctor has told me that there is nothing I can do physically that will cause pvns to come back, that is a HUGE part of me that says the gentler I am to my knee, the longer I will keep pvns at bay... and for some reason, in my head, jogging/running is the worst thing I could do for my knee... even though my doctor told me that one of his other patients had returned to doing full marathons, running full marathons... So... my head has two very different schools of thought on this, first being don't jog, don't ever jog on one side, the go for it, you can do it, kick jogging's ass! ... well now I just realized maybe there is a third side... that if I mentally worry about hurting myself by jogging, then maybe I will... maybe I would cause a self fulfilling prophecy... that whole idea of attracting to yourself the things which you fear... ok ok... deep breath... I am overthinking....

My goal is to do the half marathon... as a way to be healthy as I turn 35... I will finish it in under 3.5 hours... and in order to do so, I need to jog. And, jogging can be healthy... CAN be healthy... and I have come a long way... my knee has come a long way... and it can handle it.. I will build up as I can tolerate it, listening to my body... and it will be okay....

So, yes, Me. Jogging. Really.