Getting better... maybe partly sunny...

Yesterday was a hard day on all of us... Mom was so discouraged...she even said to me that dad and I should just go and leave her here...that she probably shouldn't even think that she could handle going home, that she should just 'get put' somewhere... she felt awful... physically and mentally... she had thrown up a few times and each time it put us all a bit more on edge and along with other factors made us more and more concerned about a possible bowel obstruction.

The reality also set in that we would be spending Christmas at the hospital.

This stressed me out a lot... mostly because I wanted to be able to help get mom and dad settled in before having to leave...I need to go back to my place for a while to coach... I don't have to go back.. but I feel like I need to... for the kids... for the commitment I made to them... and selfishly, for my sanity. I hadn't slept much on Monday and then yesterday I came over to be with mom around 2 a.m. and she was up until dad returned at 7:30 or so....dad and I had each accumulated laundry and while I know we could have asked people to wash it for us, there was a washer and dryer right at the hotel... so after I left mom's room I went back to the hotel and did laundry.. then decided that I should drive to my parents house to get the things done there that I wanted to get done... I had planned to leave the hospital earlier than mom and dad on whatever day mom was released and get there enough ahead of time to get things done... but... that didn't work out... so I went up yesterday and the further away from the hospital I got... the more emotional I became... I think that the circumstances here require holding it together... I don't want to be upset in front of mom because she would get upset and crying hurts her incision ... I don't want to be upset in front of Dad because he is trying to be strong for us all...so.. I had some time to get it out... not to get it all out because I am sure that there is more where that came from... but I did get the things done at their house that I wanted to...someone had plowed their yard which was awesome! I swept the little bit of snow that had drifted onto their porch and put down some sand for them... but of course it is snowing a bit today, so I am not sure how much good that did... Some of their friends are loaning a twin bed to them so that mom can have a bed downstairs during the day... and mom wanted to make sure it was all made up before she got there so that when she arrived, exhausted from the drive, she would be able to come in and just lay down... so that's done... Mom and dad also asked me to bring the presents that were under the tree for me... back here... to the hospital... which just felt wrong... I brought them... they are in my truck... but I don't want to open them here... just don't.

So I got back to the hospital around 3:30 p.m. and managed to be less emotional... and sent dad back to the hotel to stretch out for a while... while he was resting mom was sick again... and I was very concerned... I asked the nurse if she thought it could be an obstruction and she said she was going to call the doctor...she did... he came over... which was calming to me for some reason. He felt mom's abdomen and said there did not seem to be signs that her abdomen was hardening... which was good.. he also said that if there is going to be a blockage, given the position of the tumor, the blockage would be very close to her stomach, meaning that she would most likely have vomited within 10 minutes of eating something... so he thought an obstruction was unlikely, but to be safe, ordered xrays for today... she had the xrays this morning and there is no obstruction... Yay! I'll take that as my Christmas present...

Last night mom slept the best she has since arriving here... so both dad and I got some rest while sitting in her room with her. She also began moving more easily and today has seemed less discouraged... though the morning has left her exhausted.

I feel guilty about going back to my place before mom and dad are settled at home.. but they both have assured me that I should... to get back to something 'normal.' There's that word again... normal... I am hoping that tonight maybe dad and I can both stay at the hotel all night and mom can do ok on her own... I think she is at that point... and also, again, selfishly, would feel better leaving knowing that dad was able to get a good night's sleep at the hotel each night instead of sitting at her bedside to try to get rested...well as much as possible anyway...

I was a little protective of my mom since the staffing issues on Monday... Granted... I was tired.. BUT... (capitalization not a mistake here...) BUT... the staff that day did not handle things as they needed to be handled... yesterday the same nurse returned... and I was skeptical... but she did very well... very well... and in her own way kind of acknowledged that the day before had not gone as well as it could have... she commented at one point when she was going to call the doctor that she would remember to ask for all of the things we had wanted to know... instead of only one... perhaps that was a dig towards my admonishment the day before...but giving her the benefit of the doubt, I think it was an acknowledgement that she could have handled things better on Monday... I was ready however... at any point to have them switch nurses if needed... today the nurse tech who was here on Monday returned... she was better today too, however... still not a favorite of mine. Her demeanor on Monday made mom feel badly about things out of her control...embarrassed even... which is completely unacceptable to me.... when she arrived this morning she had a trainee in tow... (The teacher in me thought... uhh... this girl teaching someone the ropes...maybe she is training this poor other woman on what not to do..... then also thought... well maybe she will do better because she is the role model...) She did interact better with my mom in a similar situation... but did make one comment that got under my skin a little... something along the lines of next time dear... let us know ahead of time...I quickly retorted and made her realize that had there been any forewarning the situation would not have occurred and that things were out of my control... she corrected herself by saying, oh I know... I was just making light of things... I'll make light of things for you... or knock your lights out lady.... no.. she really was kind in how she handled things today, but... she's on the radar screen of whose ass will I kick first should the mood strike me.

Mom has said so many times how grateful she is that my sister and I were here for this... for dad, for her... and said that it means so much... she worries about Sis feeling bad about not being here now...but is happy to know that the boys have their mom home for Christmas.

Sis had brought a present for me... a miniature Christmas tree (with silver needles... the tree kind of needles, not the hospital kind of needles...needed to clarify that given where we are.) ... complete with purple lights... that run on batteries... so ... later today I am planning on bringing the tree and the lights over here... to mom's room. The lights may be used to pimp out mom's IV pole... you may remember that after my surgery I had a pimp my walker and crutches competition, so I figured that we can pimp out her IV pole... at least for Christmas.

I feel better today... mostly because I do feel that mom is doing better... because I know there is no obstruction...for now... and I feel like I actually got some sleep over the course of the last 24 hours...