The night before surgery...

Don't worry, I am not having surgery... but... someone who found my blog, is having surgery tomorrow... with the same doctor who did my surgery... so Mimi, I am sending you lots of happy thoughts and hoping that people who read this will also send you positive vibes!

I remember the night before surgery... I was nervous... my parents drove me to Boston and we checked into a hotel (along with two of my sidekicks, Sara and Phil), then headed to the hospital for my pre-surgery MRI...where my sister was meeting us, and I promised myself I wasn't going to cry... to not show people how nervous I was... but the MRI was so painful... that I cried... and I felt bad for feeling so weak... Then we all went out to dinner, and I remember there was a toast of sorts, to a new beginning for me, for a healthy knee... and I grinned, while feeling scared... I didn't want to be optimistic and be disappointed.... I remember hos hard it was to sleep that night... and getting up so early was somewhat of a relief... I arrived at the hospital somewhere around 5 a.m. and my parents and my sister stayed with me until they were about to put in the epidural... when I asked everyone to leave... because I was pretty worked up... the epidural definitely took effect pretty quickly... and they wheeled me into surgery and my last thought before I was unconscious, was, oh good, there is no observation deck above the OR, nobody will be seeing my bare ass! (Which my mother would interject here by saying it would be nothing to be emBARE-Assed about... and would then slap her knee, cracking herself up!) Then I woke up in recovery and the surgery was over...

Of course it wasn't that easy... the following hours and days were hard, but... what one of my friends told me was true, the best side of surgery is AFTER surgery...

So, Mimi, I am thinking of you and wishing you well tomorrow! I know you are in good hands!

Hearing from Mimi and a few other new blog buddies this week has been nice. It's kind of funny how I had moved away from the blog a bit and hadn't heard from people, then as I have begin to write more, more people have reached out to me. It is REALLY gratifying to hear from people. I so appreciate that people have expressed gratitude for my blog and what I have shared. It is a process for me, the writing part... and it is therapeutic. I need it.

On another note, this week has been a little stressful... while I was thrilled with the 10.6 lbs weight loss last week, I am feeling the pressure to put up a big number this week... and am worried I won't. I have been eating well and working out, but am not feeling any more svelte than last week... but one of my students this week watched me walk across my classroom to get something and she asked me if I was losing weight. She said she could tell. I try not to talk too much with the kids about losing weight. Middle school girls and boys are so body conscious in middle school that I try not to bring it into my classroom very much. However, I do share with them what I do for activities each day and explain that I do activities to get healthier.

It can be so hard to do things that are good for ourselves.... like working out. I truly feel better after working out. I feel stronger, healthier, and proud of myself... not to mention that I feel less stress and usually sleep better... yet.. it can be so hard to force myself to go to the gym. I did not go to the gym this morning because my back kept me awake last night, and I promised myself I would go tonight, after class. Well, I went to class... and it was a good class, I am excited about it... but leaving class, I felt really tired and cold, and just wanted to go home... so I started arguing with myself. Tried to justify not going even though I had promised myself I would go.... so then I compromised with myself and agreed I would drive home, taking a route that would put me really close to the gym... and decided that I would call my partner for the biggest loser competition and that surely he would inspire me to go... well... he did not answer his phone... so I left him a message that I was on the fence about going to the gym...then I thought, maybe my friend Sue hasn't gone to the gym today and if not, maybe she will meet me there, because I wouldn't be able to let her down... she opted not to go to the gym, but encouraged me to go... and I hung up, as I approached the gym... I said to myself... I go to the gym to get healthy, notbecause other people want me to go, or because other people are going to be there...and I have made a promise to myself to be active and healthy, and yes to lose weight.... so ... I went to the gym... and got onto an elliptical machine and told it I would go for 45 minutes...and bargained with myself the entire time I was on it... tempted to not go the whole time because I am going to go to the gym in the morning... but I stayed on... and after 45 minutes the machine automatically gives you 5 more minutes to use as a cool down... of which I used two and a half.... in order to complete 4 miles in 47 minutes 30 seconds! I felt really good afterwards... and did think of Mimi... because before surgery, I couldn't have gone 5 minutes on the elliptical.... and I am SO LUCKY to be able to exercise... this I must remember....