Why I lose sleep...

There is so much... last week was a full moon... and the kids definitely felt its effects.  I was optimistic that the craziness would subside... but I was wrong... Let's see... if I can recap some events of the last couple weeks...

The highlights... home football games... getting some kids who are struggling to participate in my after school program... Found out one of my kids is medically cleared to play sports... through a possible suspension, met a girl who I think really needs some support at school... She was going to get suspended and broke down crying... broke my heart... she said she didn't want to be suspended... I asked if she was afraid to tell her parents and she said no... asked if she was just upset about being in trouble.. she said no... then, through heavy hyperventalation/crying said she was too dumb to miss school, that not being in school would mean she would fail.  So... in lieu of suspension, I will require her to come to my after school program for a few weeks... (and then hope it will be a habit and she will continue coming.)  I convinced a kid who never serves detentions, who prefers to get suspended, stay for a detention... when I talked to him he asked if he skipped the detention if he would get suspended... when I said no, he was intrigued.  I told him his choice was to serve the detention or have lunch in my office every day.  He didn't quite believe me... but... when I told him to call my bluff.. he decided to stay... we had some time to talk and I am optimistic that it is a good step... he shared with me some things that he would like to see different about his school day... and I think I can help with some of them...  and working together with the other assistant principal, the principal, and our school resource officer has been going very well...

The hard stuff... the school resource officer and I have spent A LOT of time together... a big fight between two kids who are, at th heart of things, best friends.... one of my kids... has been stealing things... and I am very afraid for him... and the road he is traveling down... another kid ... also going down a rough road... made a bad choice and when we had a meeting with his family it got worse... I broke up a fist fight that erupted between a child and a parent.  Another student... after having a decent conversation with this student in which she told me she appreciated that I saw how hard she was working to keep it together... she spoke with a parent and then she lost it... and because I was there, in the room, got the brunt of her anger... she stormed out and because I have to follow kids in that state of mind I stayed close to her and tried to get her back in my office... didn't work... she ended up marching through the halls, yelling at me to get away from her or else she would hurt me (specific threats made)... she called me some names... including the name that she knew would solidify her suspension... truth is... she purposefully got in trouble... and it ended sadly... handcuffs and a cruiser... and another student came to school badly beaten... and had a video of the fight from which the bruises, bumps, and blood came...

My job is hard... and while I still love what I do, these last two weeks have been hard... I have had more struggles than triumphs... but there are moments in those tough days where I talk to kids and get signs of good things happening... after seeing a student taken out of my school in handcuffs I was pretty distraught...and when I returned to my office a student was waiting to talk... she had a studyhall and had wanted to stop in... we chatted for a bit and in the conversation we discussed social media... as it relates to the drama at our school... and she told me that she is grateful for my 'patrolling' of twitter.  She said she thinks it has helped...

There are tough moments... and it makes me want to do more... I am contemplating proposing something to our principal... wondering if I could come in late one day a week or every other week and that same day spend that time in one of our really tough neighborhoods, meeting with parents, families... becoming a presence within that part of our community... I feel like much of what I do is making a difference... but I also feel that there are things that are so much bigger than I am, than the school influence is... and things need to change. 

I am exhausted... very tired this week... I need to have some good things happen with kids... I need to see some positive things... and that may mean working harder and trying to think of new ways to reach more kids, more families.