Volunteering....

The last time I volunteered I was content to be behind the scenes... Tonight I volunteered and was asked to serve some of the food.  I really liked it...it was difficult when people asked me to give them a larger serving of the meat than I was instructed to give... As it was, we ran out of the meat and had to resort to hot dogs... Most of the people who came were very appreciative of the volunteers... I was blessed by many (as they said, thank you, God bless), was told by one that God has his eye on me and that God wouldn't  forget that I was volunteering, many asked about my height, and I was called sweetie and darlin' a few times... Of course there were the patrons who struggled to even say hello and some who were talking to themselves , and others who swore at us all for not having better quality everything... Including trays, straight from the dishwasher that were not yet dry... And while it would be easy to be frustrated by that behavior or to judge him for being ungrateful... I tried to look at it in a way that he must not be able to stop himself... That life is so bad that the few things he feels he should be able to control, he wants to control... I get that... I know that when things got bad for Mom I was insistent that the things she had the ability to control were not taken away from her.  I admit that in some ways it was hard to be in the front of the people who were coming to eat there... Because so many of them had characteristics of other people I know... And it did make me sad, wondering about the people who must have tried, somewhere along the way to help... One man wore a red flannel coat, like the one my grandfather used to wear and I believe now is worn by my dad... The younger people of course had many commonalities with students I work with or have worked with... And I can't help but wonder if any of my students past or present eat there... What would I do if I saw them? One man was wearing a suit... Obviously caring for his appearance... Maybe he is working, maybe he is not homeless, but just down on his luck... There was one man... Who reminded me of a leprechaun.. Quite short, red hair and full red/gray beard... So appreciative of the food we were serving and of our time... To those of us who were women who were serving food, he paused and lifted his hat as he topped it towards us as a sign of gratitude... Charming in his own way.  There were people who requested the vegetarian option and others who, due to religion, asked for meat that  did not include pork... And we're insistent upon using separate utensils to serve the turkey hot dogs vs the tongs used to serve the pork ones.  I admire the ability to maintain those parameters given the circumstances... Ad applaud the soup kitchen for respecting the needs of its community members.  One man... Was pretty nonverbal... He was a regular there, I could tell based on the way some of the regular staff treated him... He approached the food line...and unlike the other clients stood back a bit.. And those of us volunteering tried to engage him and he just stood and waited... Until he saw someone he knew... And she knew what he wanted... She got him a bowl instead of a tray, she filled it with vegetarian choices... And he politely accepted it from her...the bowl, a glass one vs a plastic tray, was needed because he ate standing up, in a corner, away  from others... After he finished he slowly approached the line again... (I am glad people are able to come through the line more than once after everyone has gone through once.). And again dismissed our approaches and waited for one of the staff members and again she took care of him, this time using his name... In that moment I was moved by how even in this hour, where 400 people are fed, that this man has found some kind of niche, some kind of connection... That the staff have taken time to see what works for this particular man.....
I have mentioned before that I struggle with homeless people... I do not feel comfortable being around people who are homeless, who stand on the street asking for money, who create signs asking for help, who talk to themselves as they sit on the street... I feel fearful to be honest... I feel the need to move away, lock my doors on my truck... I am prejudiced towards homeless people... I hope that this experience helps me reduce that prejudice, maybe dissolve it... I rationalize my fear by saying that it is a proven fact that many homeless people are mentally ill, and I tell myself that I would be crazy to not be nervous or suspicious... Because of that... I think that it is probably wise to be cautious... But... The people who were at the soup kitchen tonight... Most were friendly, happy to see a friendly face... And grateful...
I remember Sara telling me when she worked there as a social worker, that in. Her training she was encouraged to keep strong boundaries with the patrons... That if she was out and ran into some of her homeless clients, she needed to minimally engage with them... To try to maintain some distance between scheme and her... And maybe by volunteering, I am trying to give myself some kind of permission to set that boundary... But I hope that I can be more accepting...
Many of the people there had a twinkle in their eyes... Had smiles that lit up the room, and like I said, many were people who have God... Many of you know I ponder the 'God' thing... and I struggle to believe in an almighty... yet these people, who tonight as I am typing this, are working to stay dry and warm tonight, believe in God.  That makes me curious.

Anyway... I am glad to be volunteering... I got to meet other volunteers... including one who has to be there in order to get public assistance... I was happy to hear that, in a way, that she is getting help, but to get help she has to help others... most of the volunteers tonight were from a church organization, most were older than me... quite a bit older... it was fun talking to them as we had the opportunity to chat... and there were also a couple of college aged kids, there fulfilling a course requirement... and there were two kids who were there with their parents... I think that's nice...

It was nice that it worked out for today to be the day I volunteered... the day started out with some expensive work on my truck... tires, inspection, and oil change... and while I am fortunate to be able to cover those costs (and Dad still helped me out!) I hate that I had to spend that money... so tonight's volunteer excursion put things in perspective a bit... I have much to be thankful for... and I am grateful...