Hope...

It's hard to update people on things that happen... because there are so many things... and many of those many things are tricky.. and writing about them has to be done carefully... to not give identifying information... there have been LOTS of kid stuff... lots...  Let's see... There are the kids who hate school... HATE it... and they skip school... come in late daily... and some we lose... I have several kids this year who are somewhere on that spectrum and it is tricky... the school skippers... we do home visits... and try to work with the families to see how we can work to get kids to school... sometimes it works, sometimes not... sometimes consequences on days they do come to school work, but when you think about it making a kid stay longer in a place they hate for not coming... doesn't make a lot of sense... so we get creative.. or we try... kids who are tardy... often times it is more of an issue with the parents than with the kid... kids are often ready to go and parents run late...I have a couple of kids with whom I have daily contact... as I am getting ready in the morning I send a text to one and call another.... I am hoping this is a short term arrangement and hope that they can get into good habits... but the good news, it is helping... one kid who has been chronically tardy... and misses several days... was supposed to stay with me today after school... we had an early release day... kids left around 11 and teachers stayed for parent teacher conferences... some kids got to spend some quality time with me today as they watched their friends leave for the day.  (I told them my reasoning was so that on Thanksgiving they could offer something to be grateful for...an assistant principal who values her time with them!)  I was a little nervous they would "forget" so I reached out to them today.  One, I knew would stay because his guardian would make his life miserable at home if he didn't... he stayed...another kid also didn't have me too worried, his parents stopped in last night at conferences to chat with me and I was assured he would stay... he did... another student said she was terribly sorry, but she couldn't stay because she had an appointment... As we called home to verify she looked a bit nervous... her guardian said she could stay, but needed to leave a little early for her appointment and that she would be happy to make up the time next week... beautiful.  She stayed... though we will need to add quality time together because, as I suspected, she was on twitter while staying and posted a picture of another kid who also stayed... she and I have to spend more time together so she understands how I operate.  Then there was this other kid... I met with him not long before the buses were supposed to depart, taking kids home for the long weekend... he too told me he couldn't make it.  As I dialed his mom's number he looked disappointed... and she said he could stay, absolutely.  Perfect.  Until it wasn't.  About 15 minutes after most of the kids left... he was missing... and I grinned, knowing he had taken the bus home.  I waited a few minutes and called home... and he was there... I asked mom if it would be possible for me to come get him and bring him back to school. She was more than happy with that.  So, along with another staff member, I went to his house and picked him up.  I don't think he wanted to come with me and think he debated about taking off, running away, literally, but he thought better of it and came back to school... I told him and his mom since he had caused me to miss some time at school to come get him, he needed to stay for an extra half hour... she agreed... he... well... didn't grin.  Keeping kids after school for three hours when their friends have left... is tough... and I think it worked... the kid who I brought back to school ended up helping me with some physical tasks... we are in the process of relocating to a different workspace and he packed boxes... and he seemed to enjoy it.  the other Asst. Principal, our secretary and I kept talking to him as he worked, thanking him... and it was interesting to watch him... it was the most confident I have seen him since meeting him this fall.  I am wondering if he felt competent... and in other areas he feels incompetent... As the afternoon passed and other kids left he started talking a bit more.. shared information about his family... and when he and I were chatting he told me that it was not torture to stay after school with me... and I told him that I care about him and his success... that I wouldn't have come to his house to bring him back to school if I didn't care about him... he said he got it... he said he is going to start taking the bus every day because he gets to school earlier... I thanked him for his hard work and he grinned... the first time I have seen that from him... and said he was happy to help.  When I told him he could leave a few minutes early he started to leave and then turned back, paused long enough to catch my eye... and told me to have a great Thanksgiving... that kid is worth saving... I am beginning to categorize some kids as my invisibles ... kids who work hard to not be noticed... hope to fade into the background... in my theory.. because they think that's where they belong... My job.. is to reflect light onto them... to let them have moments where they are recognized... he is one of them... and there is hope...
There is a flip side... without being arrogant I can say that I am good at connecting with kids... and when I cannot connect with kids I can usually think of someone who could... there is a kid now... who I am worried about... for his benefit... and for ours... he is angry... his history justifies his anger... his current situation justifies his anger... but he has no skills to cope with that... and... I have decided he is not a kid I want to handle solo... I have brought our principal in as his primary adult... and feel better about that... thinking a male, for this student, may be better... and also feel that having him directly involved is a smart thing... but it breaks my heart... people wonder why mean adults...angry adults... are the way they are... chances are they have reasons... I won't give up on him.. but I will walk carefully... with eyes wide open...
And in some dark cases there are moments of light... another student... I cannot remember if I wrote about her here... was removed from our school... she had a very hard day and she had come to me and we were having a great conversation... until she spoke with a parent...and then she was pissed... and I was there, so I became her target... threats of hurting me... calling me names... and I knew in that moment what she was doing... she was begging us to take her back to the very restricted environment she was used to.  I have thought of her from time to time... and recently received a letter from her.  I was surprised... and glad... and need to write back to her.  She apologized... I believe it is probably part of her therapy, part of a restorative approach to things... but I believe what she wrote... the details she shared were insightful... and I hope she can change...and I hope her life circumstances can change to support the changes she will hopefully make...
Another kid... one of my favorites... has been battling some demons... the good part.. she went to one of our teachers and told him what she was thinking... and when I was brought in she talked more to us than she did all of last year.. I learned more about her in that two hour conversation than all of last year... she accepted help, accepted that she needed to get help... and right now... is stable... She is another of my invisibles...
As an administrator there are so many decisions that need to be made... and sometimes I am never sure if I make the right one... recently we held a talent showcase... where kids could perform in a fairly informal setting... the kids are told their performances must be school appropriate... this performance attracted a lot of people... a large crowd... I was standing with one of my kids, playing with her child while one of our other students took the stage... hie performance was not school appropriate... as he performed I heard lyrics that were referencing sex, body parts, and he dropped the f bomb... when he did that I felt all eyes in the room turn to me... the student I was closest to told me everyone was looking at me... I said I knew that and that I was not going to react.. yet... One teacher came up and yelled at me," Are you really gonna let that continue?"  My initial thought was.. LET? really... ok lady... YOU go get your administrative certification and see if you can plan for everything and LET things happen... I did not want to jump on the stage and cause a bigger scene... I did not want my BFA recorded with kids phones and posted to social media... at the end of his first song... he was intending to do two.. I stopped him... and while the crowd chanted, let him sing... I denied him... his begging and promise to keep it clean didn't work.. and he left the stage... I let things settle a bit, he walked from the stage high fiving his pals and others in the audience... and as the next act began, I found him in the crowd and told him he needed to quietly without causing a scene, meet me in my office.  We chatted, parents were called... and I warned him that his social media profiles would be monitored as I made my decision about consequences... He seemed to get it... he seemed to understand his mistake... his parents... on the other hand... were concerned because his consequence meant he missed tryouts for a sports team.. Really? Had I done something like that at school... my parents would not have LET me try out ... they would not have LET me out... of the house, for that matter.  When did parents stop wanting to be parents? When did they become afraid of their kids? Fortunately I work with a great team of administrators and we support each other and my decision was upheld.
My camping kid... is doing great... he is such a hoot!  He makes me smile every day.  I picked his mom up last night to bring her to parent teacher conferences (and mentally noted that next year we should provide some school buses to transport parents who don't have cars to get to the conferences.) The conferences went well.. and as I drove her home.. she said how proud of her son she is... I was thrilled... I swear I heard heavenly music... she has, labeled her son as the trouble maker in the family... compares him, often unfairly, to her other kids... but on the drive to her home... she told me all his strengths... he is cleaning her house, the other kids don't... he is coming home early at night, her other kids are not... I asked her if she remembered the conversations we have had with him, in my office, on her sofa.. where she asked him to do those things... she did... and she smiled... I said...I know it seems like he doesn't always listen to you.. but he is listening.. and he is hearing you... sometimes you just need to let him save face... but he gets it... He came in to see me today... I could tell by his grin and his body language he had something positive to share.  I asked him what he wanted to tell me and he screwed up his face and said, he didn't want to tell me nothin'... which meant he wanted me to ask... so I did... "What did your mom tell you about conferences last night?" His response... a grin... and said.. "She said I am doing aw- ight!"  I looked at him, giving him one of my looks and he laughed... and then said. "ok, ok... she said I am doing good.."  I paused.. and said... "AND?"... he looked away.. and said quietly... "She tell me she proud uh me..."  BINGO!  I was so happy to see this from him... He has been wanting so badly for her to see him as a good kid... and I think he is proud of himself!  I shared with him that she told me about his cleaning and he was surprised she knew it was him... I loved that... When he graduates... man oh man... I will be so happy.. so proud... and will probably cry! 
Social media.... Twitter is my nemesis... truly.  I hate it.  Kids get on their devices and think they can say ANYTHING... and it gets heated... and kids get scared... the way the law is written... school CAN get involved with cyberbullying when a student feels unsafe coming to or being at school due to cyber activities... even if the communication happened off school grounds, on a device purchased by parents, and during non school hours... The last couple of weeks have involved hours of twitter research... what did I find as I was searching for specific information about a bullying incident? A picture of a student holding a gun... pictures of kids smoking marijuana, kids drinking alcohol... racial slurs... homophobic speech... and what kids don't get is once I have seen those things, I cannot unsee them... Some I have to report... to the police officer in our building and/pr to parents... the kids hate me for that... and I am okay with it.  Parents are so unfamiliar with twitter... they are mortified when they see their child's twitter pages... so here's a situation... a kid comes to me... scared shitless... afraid he is going to get beaten up... and shows me some screenshots (pictures of what was on his ipad screen) of the conversation between him and another kid.  It got heated...name calling... and lewd language... things I can quote because they are public twitter accounts, but I do not want to repeat them... other kids chimed in... and it grew.... until a final threat... to meet and fight... so... I get screenshots of this entire conversation... and call the parents of the student who was making the threats... they arrive.  I show them the tweets... and they are angry... disappointed.. mortified... and after I talk with them and agree on the consequences... I call the student down... he quickly becomes agitated seeing his parents and asked why they were there... I told him because of twitter.  He looked and asked me if it was about some supposed fight that was going to happen.  I said yes.  He said he had heard about it.  Heard about it? he said that someone had told him about it... heard about it? You are a part of it.  He then proceeds... with his parents and our school police officer in the room... to tell us that he did not have a twitter account.  That someone had created an account using his name... It felt wrong to me... and I asked who he thought would do that and why... he said he didn't know, but that there were kids who are jealous of him and want to see him in trouble... His parents are looking at me... wondering what is happening... I began wondering too... but had a feeling it was him... I asked to see his ipad... he handed it to me... it was not the school issues device... it was his personal ipad... I had him enter the passcode and searched the history... and didn't find any twitter on his history.. but knowing I am not a guru with technology I called our guru and she came down and she too found no history.  Hmmm...
Do you have another device? A phone?
No.
An ipod?
Yes.
Let me see it.
Again, nothing on the ipod to indicate twitter activity... at this point the school police officer leaves to go question a couple of the other kids who had chimed in on this event and who are also friends with this kid... and I am left with the parents, the kid, and the tech guru. I excuse the tech guru and say to the kid... if I am wrong I owe you a huge apology.... I am not saying I am wrong.. yet... because I feel that you are capable of this.  He kept eye contact the entire time he was telling me again that he did not have twitter... I told him and his parents that it scared me that I would so quickly believe he had done this... and that I was sorry for causing alarm... and I waited... something in my gut... I was about to have them leave and the SRO (School resource officer) returned and said one of this kids friends had seen him on twitter... saw him posting... the kid said the other kid was not telling the truth... he said, you searched my devices... you know I haven't been on twitter... the SRO and I made eye contact and knew we had nothing... so I told him and his parents he could return to class, apologized for having them come in... and they stood to leave... and then I asked them to wait... I said that I needed to search his bag because I felt like he had another ipad or something... he handed me his bag... and I looked through it.. between books and binders... nothing... looked in pockets.. nothing... but kept feeling around... and felt it... but couldn't find out how to get to it... there was a secret pocket... and inside... another ipad... as soon as I pulled it out (Not his by the way... his father's... from who he had taken it without permission) this kid's face dropped... and he said, angrily, "Fine... you wanna know the truth?"  and proceeded to tell on himself... needless to say the consequences were implemented... AND I made it clear to him that I will not trust him... not for a VERY long time.. if ever... I was pissed that he lied... so straight faced about it...
I did also attend visiting hours for the mother of two of my boys... don't want to share more about that now, but... was very glad I went... 
Oh... my after school program was recently recognized at the school board meeting.  I got to speak about it, its impact, and brag about some of the kids' success... and one of the kids came to speak... it was great! 

So... this is a bit of what I do... some snapshots... and it is consuming... I have needed to unplug at night... and read... in order to sleep...  other wise I think about these kids, and others... what more I can do... where I need to do more outreach... to somehow get to the bigger community to help more... I worry about kids going to bed hungry... but I also take pride in what I do... of the difference I hope I am making... the relationships I build with kids... it is worth it... I think often about something and maybe I have shared it before... many people say 'they say it takes ten positive things to offset one negative thing...'  when they talk about kids self esteem... I believe that is probably true... but I think in education we do the opposite... we work hard... muddle through the sad stories, the heartbreaking circumstances... get sad...worry... and when we have one moment... maybe a small moment, but a powerfully positive moment... we delete the bad things... and in that moment... KNOW what we do makes a difference... and gain motivation to keep going... to do more... Despite its challenges... MANY Challenges... I love my job... love the kids... and hope... hope I make a difference...