The sun is shining today, or so I assume since there is bright light around my window shades... I have yet to peek out there yet as I was very determined to sleep in this morning... but that didn't happen. My sleep was interrupted last night by thoughts about work... it has been a.... shall I say busy and eventful few weeks? I do so much at work with kids around social media and its implications... and last night learned that one of my nephews has begun flirting with vulgar language in his text with his friends... Given the nature of my job, I am not surprised, but as his auntee... I am of course disappointed.. Sis is handling it great though... having some tough, candid conversations, and for that I applaud her. In my role I am continually surprised by parents who don't think they have the 'right' to look at their kids' phones or ipads... because that would violate their privacy or would cause world war three to erupt in their homes... since when has parenting been about avoiding conflict instead of parenting? It's crazy...
So.. some highlights of my last few weeks..
-because I am a bit more tech savvy than my co administrators I get to be the searcher of all things electronic... one search yielded photos and videos I wish I could unsee... efforts to see up skirts... hidden cameras in bathrooms... having to call the parent of the videographer and of the 'victims' who were recorded...
- having to tell a very fragile student that our school does not have the resources needed to truly give this student what she needs, to truly help her get to a place where the emotional pieces are secondary to the day to day living pieces, and to tell her we are sending her to an alternate school in hopes she can gain some skills and return... to see the fear in her eyes of another change in her life, the fear of 'losing' the connections she has made with our staff... and the fear of the unknown... was hard, but I also believe I saw, in her, a sense of relief...because she knows too, that she needs more...
- busting students for smoking marijuana in the bathroom... whose parents are all over the spectrum from being in denial to wanting to lay the hammer down hard... having to show screenshots of student conversations to prove to parents their child was involved... and dealing with the after effects, these girls have been harassing, via text, students who were invited to also smoke, but said no, and the language being said to these kids is unbelievable, including threats of urinating and defecating on their faces...(how does one even begin to go there in their mind, let alone text it to another kid?)
- having to be involved in a referral to our child protective services because a parent has had physical altercations with their child and after the kid gets to school, their safe place, sends abusive texts to their kid saying things like 'You are a miserable fucking excuse for a human being.' Yes, a parent sent that to their child.
- supporting a student, a senior, an only child, whose father is losing his battle with cancer and whose mother is just beginning her battle with cancer... and whose closest family is eight hours away...
- supporting staff as they support another student (who I do not know well) whose mother, single parent, is terminally ill, also cancer... and whose local family members are unable to provide care for this student... two of my coworkers went above and beyond by accepting an invitation from this parent to meet her at her home to try to develop a plan for her daughter after she dies and wanting the school, who has shown such care for her child, involved in that plan...the parent told our staff she is terminal, but her daughter will learn that news this weekend...
- supporting staff as two of our own are battling cancer...
- meeting a girl who was posting signs around our building about dress code... (she usually works with the other AP, but since she seemed to be emotional and perhaps in need of a female perspective we spent some time together...) learned she had an abortion last year... in her mind 'forced' into it by the parents of the boy who impregnated her because, in her mind, her own parents were not strong enough to fight for her and against them...
- being verbally attacked for 20 minutes at the most well attended football game, by a parent who was upset her daughter had not followed the rules about getting into the dance the following night... blaming us, citing kids have so much added responsibility 'these days' including having to monitor their team's facebook pages for updates... Really lady? I let her go on about that for a while then chimed in: you are right, kids are overwhelmed with technology. I mean with the phone your daughter uses and is often in trouble for texting in class, there is no way she could have set an alarm to remind her to buy her ticket, even though she remembered to go to the salon to get her nails done for the dance, she could have looked at the school's webpage to see the numerous reminders for the past two weeks about buying tickets, oh and as an involved parent I am sure you also take time to check our daily announcements which are not only read over the intercom daily, but posted on our website which have stated multiple times when/where to buy tickets and stated the deadline, not to mention the kids who are all over twitter talking about their dresses and excited that they got their tickets...the parent went on an on about how much the other assistant principal and I suck at our jobs that we are out of touch with kids... and eventually I told her she was welcome to make an appointment to talk with us on Monday (after the dance) but that I was no longer going to engage in the conversation since my primary responsibility at that moment was to supervise the 500-600 kids who had come to support their team... and another parent who showed up at the dance with her kid who had no ticket and bullied me about letting HER daughter in..because HER daughter is amazing... (truthfully her daughter is amazing, but that's not the point!)... she wore me down to a point where I said, look, I am not gong to fight with you on this. If you, as a parent think the lesson you want to teach your daughter is that because her mother has a louder voice than other parents, she can come to the dance even though there are students who wanted to come but because they follow the rules and understand they made a mistake are not going to come to the dance, by all means, let your daughter come... she did.
- Having to be at an athletic function, not because i wanted to, but because a parent has been threatening a coach... a parent with whom we have had issues before... having to make sure our school resource officer was there as well... and this parent disappointed... threatened physical bodily harm to a parent from the opposing team... before we were gong to remove him, he removed himself... but there are lots of elements here to deal with, as far as how the future goes with this parent.
That's a lot, right? Yes... and in between those things are the other things... assigning detentions for food fights in the cafeteria, restorative conversations about stealing food from the cafeteria... and there are some good things too:
- Had a meeting this week... with a kid who should, chronologically, be graduating this year... but has less than half the credits required to do so... a kid whose parents refused special education services at the end of middle school because the kid needed to buck up and do it on his own... looked at his transcript... found that he has taken a few classes multiple times... failing each time. (I HATE that... there is no way we should be having the same kid take the same class from the same teacher and expect different results! yes, on my list of things we need to change!) I brought him in to talk to him... he said, I am not going to do a fifth year... why would I? I have failed all four years why stay around, just to fail again.... OUCH... but he is right... I asked him what classes he had taken, where he earned the credit.. he said the hands on classes where I can build things, put things together, fix things... (Yes guidance counselor SHOULD be having this conversations.but...) so why has he never gone to our career technology high school (used to be called Voc.)? Because he was short on credits and he needed to be at school to maximize his potential to earn more credits...(kids who go to our career tech. high school can get 3 credits per year, where kids who stay at our school for the same amount of hours can choose to take four classes, earning four credits.) ummmm.... wouldn't three credits be better than... oh... say.. zero?? I ask him about whether or not he would go to our career tech. school. he says he always wanted to, but was told he couldn't... (by... guidance...) I asked if I could get him to the tech school and look at some credit recovery if he would think about another year... he shrugged and said he would have to see... called him in the next day after talking with the principal who, thankfully, gave me the green light to be as flexible with this kid as I want to be... Told him I could help him recover 4 credits, plus help him earn 3.5 additional credits this year with the career tech school and a couple of other required courses ... and that if he returned for a fifth year he could go to the career tech school for the full year and take two required course and some PE electives he would enjoy... for the first time since knowing this kid... he looked like he had hope... and said he is on board! Now I just need to get teachers to get on board with credit recovery... yahoo!!! I don't care if kids graduate in five years, but I care a lot when they drop out after four...
- Making good progress with some parents of students in our autism program... trying some different consequences to try to curb behaviors... and while the parents said they would try my crazy ideas, they were skeptical... and had HUGE success with their kid this week...
- One of the programs I oversee has made huge improvements this year in the way they work with their kids involving a level system... for the last two weeks in order to see anyone from that program, I have had to go to them to check in because student behavior has not resulted in them coming to me! yahoo!
- One of my senior girls who is fabulous and does so well at school, came to me crying because grades are closing next week and between school and her three jobs she is doing to pay for college she is feeling overwhelmed and I offered her a 'work day' where she could be exempt from her classes to just get work done... she was so grateful she brought me a vanilla bean coolatta from dunkin' to say thank you... (Yes she somehow knew that was one of my favorite drinks!)
- One of my students last year, who was expelled has been allowed to return to school with very strict expectations, and she is doing it! (Not to say she hasn't had a few moments where she bursts into my office in tears and needs some moments to calm down, but she is NOT taking her anger and frustration out on teachers or peers!)
- Got an email form the principal expressing his deep gratitude for the work I do and how lucky he feels to have me on his team... (Could not have come at a more needed moment!)
- Had a parent get a little teary eyed and say how thankful she was that I am here for her kid..
-My sister reached out to me for advice about how to deal with a situation with one of the boys... as an aunt and as an assistant principal...
So... does the good in these last few weeks balance out the bad enough to keep me going... close... but it's the HOPE I have that the good will always outweigh the bad... in the end... these last few weeks have been hard... very hard... the events described above are a lot to deal with in the course of months... but it has felt so concentrated... so unbelievably concentrated...
I am trying to take care of me... it's not easy.. but I am trying... I went to the gym twice last week... not a lot, true... but two more times than I have been in the last several months... so, that's progress... and... next weekend I have reseed a room for myself in a hotel, elsewhere, that has a big ol' tub... where I intend to soak... for hours... in peace... away from ALL this... and I cannot wait!
