Home Sweet Home

I am not sure exactly what this post will entail... I have been thinking... a lot... about a lot...  home ownership and its meaning... about women... our amazing strength for so many things in our lives and our, almost universal, insecurities... about men... as it relates to relationships... about work and the new challenges and new possibilities.. and summer... and how much I love living in Maine... That's a pretty wide variety of topics... yet somehow they are all related in my life these days...

Home ownership... I guess I will start there... I have been in my house just over two months... and have worked hard to make it home... well maybe that isn't true... I haven't really worked at making it feel like home... that happened quickly... being here has felt right from day one...from the moment I looked at this house I felt like it was supposed to be mine... My decor fits here... I fit here...There has been a lot of work put in to the house to get settled... maybe that's a better way to put it...  I have had a lot of help getting things done here... and adding some very special touches... like stained glass in one of my windows... Dad and Betty helped with a lot of things here... my friends have helped me too, encouraging me  and being so happy for me.  My sisters... have been so happy for me and have been so supportive... and even friends of my family have helped and been happy for me... people, almost everyone who has come here...have said, "This house is so you..."  At first I wondered about that a bit... but as I think about it, as I look around as I type this... they are right... this place has character... it fills with sunshine even on dreary days it feels light here... I have had some family members here and it feels so good to have that... and I will have my nephews again soon and will create more memories here with them.  Many friends have been here and I look forward to having more gatherings, more girls nights, and much more love and laughter here... I was very excited recently that two of the women in my life, who I adore, were able to make time in their schedules to come here for dinner.  They came by and we spent time outside on my patio having some beverages and talking... and when we got rained out we moved the party inside and had great conversation.  They are, in so many ways, so strong... and so smart... I am very lucky that the people in my life are so smart... they are beautiful... for who they are, what they love, how they care for people in their lives... I love them.  They are both athletic, in my mind skinny,  and physically beautiful... our conversation that night covered many topics... including body image... I was in awe...because they both are unhappy with their bodies... I am overweight, and while I know it is something I need to work on, I do not obsess about it or feel badly about it... they are thin, I think that they are smaller than I was when I was a kid... and they feel badly about their bodies... we spent a lot of time talking about it... and it made me feel lucky... to be as happy with myself as I am... I do have some insecurities, of course, we all do... but I am not going to not wear a bathing suit because of worrying about my appearance... the timing was interesting because recently when I have bought clothing I have been staying away from dark drab colors which is or has been my pattern... I have been buying bright colors... and choosing clothing that in the past I would not have considered... I have a couple of dresses that I really like...and while I am not sure if they are exactly right for me, for my body, I have worn them and feel good wearing them... my friends and I talked about how there are some women that we see who look amazing no matter their weight or clothing choice... and we all agreed that it was not their clothing or body that made them look amazing.. it is their confidence... and we all agreed to try to have a bit more of that... a day or two later a similar conversation came up with another friend... who has been battling some of her own demons... relationship stuff... body stuff... and she shared that she had recently spent time with a friend she had when she was in college... he had asked if she was okay because she had...'lost her sparkle'... the sparkle she had when she was in college.  And she has decided that she is going to get it back... we too talked about confidence... she said that she feels that her confidence has been shaken a bit in the last couple of years...as she endured some difficulties... those struggles dulled her shine... and it is time for her to polish herself to let that light shine through... Since then... I have been observing people, women really, and the confidence, our confidence is our power... I really believe that women do not have to be beautiful in the way that society and the magazines dictate to be beautiful... the women who have struck me as most beautiful... rarely fit those societal parameters... the women who I identify as beautiful have an energy or aura about them... not arrogant, not aware that others see them as beautiful... but those who seem the most content with who they are... fast forward..or maybe it's rewind.. back to the house... something about having this house makes me feel more content... another friend...who believes in a lot of metaphysical stuff... especially energy... has told me my energy has shifted since being at the house... she says I am settled and content... and recently I went out on a date... after reluctantly posting a profile for online dating in which I said I am beautiful...not because of fitting into the stereotypical definitions of beauty but because of who I am, what I believe in, what I do and how hard I work at the things in my life I find important... which as I posted it felt arrogant to say, who says they see themselves as beautiful? but then... I thought about all of my female friends who are beautiful... who come in all shapes and sizes and I classify them as beautiful because of who they are, what they believe, and how hard they work at things... so I decided that posting it on an online profile would be posting my truth... Anyway... I went out on a date... with a man from the website... and after we spent quite a bit of time together he said he was impressed with the fact that I seem to have my life together...... and he hasn't called since... he may... or he may not... either way that's okay... It was a nice compliment to receive.. So... I also said that men and relationships with them has also been on my mind.. but I think I will keep that one percolating for a while longer... it's one of the things I contemplate here and there... and sometimes while I am kayaking.. which I got to do yesterday... with a woman who is originally from Belgium.  Her life story is very interesting... left her home at age 15 and had been on her own since.. has lived in the US for almost 30 years... and has lived in so many places here... she was so grateful for the chance to kayak with me and see the beauty Maine has to offer.  It was fun to show her... That's how I spent my day yesterday, on the water... and was happy to have a quiet uneventful 4th of July... until I came home... I opened my door with arms filled with a few groceries and heard a ticking sound... a sound that caused confusion and then I realized that ticking was water dripping... not good.  Water had leaked from my upstairs bathroom down through the floor and was dripping out of the ceiling in my kitchen and bathroom on the first floor.  Not good.  I did say some choice words, but to my surprise, did not freak out, cry, or panic... I just did... turned off the water, cleaned things up and then called dad for advice... and remained calm... what other choice did I have? And then... after that... I had to plant some raspberry bushes that a family friend had brought by... she had soaked the roots in water and I knew that they should be planted sooner than later... and the date I mentioned before, had told me that the best time to plant was on dreary days or when it was slightly raining... so yesterday was perfect for that... so I went out and planted them... it was a lot of work... I had to dig up some of my lawn... which is hard work... but got them situated... I am very excited to have raspberries....I love them... so next year I will have strawberries, rhubarb, and raspberries!  I also recently planted some pepper plants and tomato plants... the friend who dropped of the raspberries had sent me a note saying how much I have done here and how beautiful everything looks.  The plants (except for the tomatoes and peppers) are all plants that take care of themselves.. and are low maintenance... I like that... I will have to replant veggies each year and sunflowers... but... so far I am enjoying that. 
Despite the water damage yesterday... I love my house... love owning this home... and feel like this home has helped me find my own sparkle again... and to be happy in a way I have not yet had in my life...
I love sharing my home with my family and friends and look forward to sharing it with more friends and family!