Broken Hearts

I got an email from my dad today... letting me know that my mother's grave now has a headstone...I had not realized that her grave didn't have a stone yet... I knew she was buried next to my grandmother, but have not gone to the cemetery... and don't think I can... at least not anytime soon. Earlier this month, Dad took another step in his journey by ordering the stone for Mom's grave... and he emailed today letting my sister and I know it was placed today... He also apologized for putting us through all this... I hate that he takes any ownership in this... I'm sure it stems from feeling like he wasn't able to protect us, his girls (mom included in that), from all of this... I know that he would have done anything to stop this, to prevent all of this... and hate that in addition to his devastating loss of his wife, that somewhere he feels like there should have been something he could have done to make it different... I guess that's one of his many amazing qualities, and one of the many reasons we love him... but I don't think he should have to have any other layers on top of this... I hate this... I really do... I feel like Dad is taking steps to make it through every day, working so hard to just make it through each day. And many of the things he is doing to move forward brings so much back to the surface... Yuck.