Spring in Maine

Ahhh... another amazing day in Maine!  Temps were once again in the 80s.  

Last night I had posted on facebook that I would be kayaking again today if anyone was interested.  Sheila, one of my coworkers, wanted to go, so we were going to meet close to my house, thinking if other coworkers wanted to go it was close to everyone... 

But, this morning Sheila texted.  She got a shift on the tolls and took it.  I would have done the same.  So that left me paddling solo.  Since I had recently done the river close to my house I decided to go elsewhere... and ended up at a state park.  It was a GREAT choice!  

I have only paddled here once before... last fall with a bunch of people... I figured it would be crowded, but was pleasantly surprised that it wasn't.  I only saw two boats on the water while I was out and a couple of others putting in when I was leaving.  

The river is interesting. There are so many downed trees and because it is a state park they leave them where they fall... there are a lot.  A few times today while paddling I got into some really cool places that were really shallow, REALLY shallow.  (I would bet that if I returned in a few weeks many of the places will be impassable because the plants will have grown so much that they will block off some of the offshoots.) 

The first thing I noticed when I got out of my truck was the birds singing.  It was beautiful! 

Here's one of the trees... 

Of course I was on the prowl for turtles!  This one was in the water and keeping his eye on me! 

This was a busy log!  

The color contrast between the blue sky, green evergreens, and grays from last fall/winter got my attention...

One of the places I got into went back into the woods quite far.  I managed to get in despite mere inches of water.  I got in here and saw this really vibrant emerald green algae in the water.  It was really pretty.  

More turtles...

This guy was not afraid of me.  He looked at me as if to say, Hey Lady, make sure you get my good side... 

Then struck a pose! 

I had seen several Canada geese and they were quite loud with all their honking. I was paddling around a corner, heard loud honking and saw these geese coming right at me.  I grabbed my camera in time for this shot, but with it would have been more clear!  

As I was paddling off to the right was this really narrow path that didn't look like it went anywhere... and I almost passed by it, but decided to go in.  As I went in and it began to widen I caught sight of this guy... blue heron.  I was very excited.  Last fall I got a great video of a blue heron, a young one, catching a fish... this guy was a lot bigger, A LOT bigger... and tried to get away from me... but I was determined... 

To follow him I literally had to go in water that was maybe three inches deep in a couple of spots... My kayak dragged iin one spot and I just did the kayak shimmy shake and got over it... and kept following him... wow was he big.  

And then I got this shot.. the wind came up a bit and blew his feathers... WOW.. I was soo excited.  It is the best picture I took all day!  Such a beautiful bird... After that he flew off and I couldn't follow him any longer... I am thankful for this!  

These geese kept getting in front of me... I think they wanted their picture taken! 

Mallard ducks... pretty common... but... loved that the green really stands out and look at the curly tail-feather!  

The Maine state flower: Pinecone! 

One of the trees that was laying in the water was mostly gray but I noticed this rust color and the grain of the wood.  I love the grain of the wood... it reminds me of my grandfather.  I remember as a kid walking through the path behind our houses to visit my grandparents.  Grampie would be in the basement working on something, usually with wood.  He loved staining things to see the grain of the wood come out.  

This is where I turned around... and headed back... cute little bridge.  

It's important to drink water and have snacks as you paddle... so... I packed some rhubarb!  Yummm... The best rhubarb ever was at my grandmother's house, Dad's mom... YUM.  I bought this at Whole Foods... it was good, but not like Grammie's... Mom Loved rhubarb too!  

One of the reasons I chose this spot was that I wanted to be a bit protected from the wind.  The forecast had said hot and windy... and yesterday's paddle on an open lake was a bit choppy.. and since I was going solo, decided staying in an area that had less wind would be great.  But above the trees, the birds were soaring on the wind, dancing in the air! 

Such a pretty day!

Before returning to the boat launch, I went to what is known as "The Sandbar."  The river opens up into Maine's largest lake, Sebago Lake.  It looks a bit like a desert with the sand, and the ocean with the openness... very cool spot.  

I got out of the kayak for a minute to stretch my legs... Here's my ride... I think of Mom so much while I am in her kayak, now my kayak... It means so much to me that dad let me take her kayak... 

This week has been better than I anticipated, a far as thinking about Mom.  One thing I have not done... at least yet... is go back to my blog entries from three years ago... which I did the last two years... which brought everything back, so vividly... More on that at some point I am sure... Tomorrow marks three years... 

But... in the midst of that... it is spring in Maine... and I have been trying for the last few years to get some good tulip pictures.  Tulips are my favorite flower... along with lilacs (which make me sneeze!).  Every year I seem to miss the ideal timing to catch the tulips in their glory... today I got lucky... mostly... 

Okay I know these aren't tulips, but they were blossoming on the street near the tulips...

Ta Da!!! 

Love love love love love the colors!  How bright!  The sun was shining through the petals.. like stained glass... 

Today has been wonderful.  

Enjoy each day.  

Each day.  

Me + 80 degrees = Kayaking... it's just simple math!

So this was my truck today... loaded to the brim with kayaks!  The two on top are mine, the other two, smaller two,  belong to a friend of mine.  I stopped at her house to pick them up because one of our coworkers who was joining us on the paddle was bringing her two kids and these were the perfect size for them.  I felt pretty sporty!  

In all, there were 7 of us that paddled today... 5 adults and two kids.  I was surprised at how well the kids did.  I figured they would get tired and return to camp well before the rest of us.  Here are some pics:

Of course... TURTLE! 

Did I say Turtle? I meant TURTLES!!! 

And a baby Snapping Turtle!  Never saw a baby snapper before today!

This is one of my work friends, Judy, who hosted us today, letting us hang out at and launch from her house. Doesn't she look stressed??

This was taken as we were going under a bridge... love that we are lined up... so fun! 

We saw these birds and one person yelled out, "LOONS!"  I was so excited... but they are not loons... they are Merganser Ducks! The one on the Right I believe is the female... I have seen her more with babies later in the season... and usually her feathers are up in the back... kind of like a mohawk... Very cool to see the pair together.  

Of course, for JILL... a shot from my kayak including my toes!  

What are those???   Ok.. perhaps after kayaking we each had a nice cold beverage!  

Two days of paddling in a row makes for a happy Me!  

I used some new sunscreen today and don't think I got any additional sunburns... but do think I got some color.  I stopped in to see Sara and Phil on my way home and they thought I looked tan.  I don't worry too much about being tan... I just worry about sunscreen!  

So far I am enjoying my vacation!  

I did it... I took a day off...

Hello!  Well... After 104 days of working out in a row... I did not work out on Friday, what would have been day 105.  Thursday I participated in our school's wellness day by being the staff person supervising Zumba... and so I shook my booty for three hours... and on Friday, my body felt like I had done something for 3 hours!  And I have to say I had some anxiety on Friday, for not working out... and to be candid, had the idea of getting a big ol' pizza for dinner that night... which shows me that my body and mind have an amazing connection... when I am active my mind wants healthy food, when I am not, my body wants junk... it's a dangerous slope for me... even after 104 days of being active and eating well... my old cravings came to the surface.. I worked yesterday and went to the gym afterwards.  It was my first attempt at my new training program, set up by the trainer at my gym.  She gave me 9 exercises to do... broken into three circuits...I am supposed to do each circuit 3 times... supposed to... I made it through the first circuit and was sweating like crazy... and really struggled to do one of them... By the time I moved onto the second circuit I was unsure of how I would do... one exercise in the second circuit involves me being in push-up position (not the girlie kneeling kind, unfortunately)  and am supposed to widen my feet to help provide some balance... then I put all my weight on my left hand and with my right arm pick up a 12 lb dumbell and pull it up in a rowing motion to my side 8 times... then switch hands... I was only able to do 4 on each side... so... in the second circuit I only was able to go through it twice... and only did 4 not 8 of those pushup row thingys... by then I was sweating even more... and moved into the third circuit... really feeling like I had been on cardio equipment for a long time... heart rate was up, etc... and only did one round of those exercises and again, modified one of them... The self defeating part of myself was pretty loud... feeling really unfit, fat, and thinking my 100 days of working out was for nothing... but then I stopped.. because I realized that I am more fit than I was 100 days ago... and doubt that 100 days ago I would have been able to do as much as I did on these exercises... truly.  And... I thought about really wanting a workout to help me tone up, goodness knows I need it... I asked for it... told the trainer I wanted to focus on my core and my arms... and that's what she created for me... And I realize that if I could do that routine already... what would the point be? There would be no room or improvement... so... I need to look at it in a way that I need to do it a little at a time, push myself and see the results!  I also did something as a result of that workout that I never thought I would do... I bought a yoga mat!  Doing the exercises on yoga mats that the gym has... is gross, they are well used and look dirty... so I am more comfortable having a mat that hundreds of other people have not sweat on... so I will take my mat... and also... will have it when I go to my next yoga class... Yup, that means I will be going again!  Oh.. and I think I have another fitness goal.. which is more about overcoming things... including fear... I am thinking for my NEXT birthday, not the one coming up.. but a year from now... I want to rock climb!  Not outside on a real cliff, but at the rock gym.  I want to do it because it scares me, and think it would be good for me to do it... AND also want to be fit enough to do something like that!

The other thing on my mind... which will not surprise many ... is my Mom.  Wednesday will mark three years since she died.  Time is such a funny thing... it sometimes seems like it has been forever and other times feels raw still... Yesterday I went to Target to pick up a few things... and somehow ended up walking in the purse/bag area... and then turned and there were hats, the wide brimmed summer hats ladies often wear.  I chuckled because I saw a hat that was like the one Mom wore the last summer she was able to kayak to keep the sun off her... due to the meds she was on, she was supposed to not be exposed to the sun... and she looked funny in the hat, funny in her special way.. I can vividly picture her wearing that hat grinning like a crazy lady with her front teeth showing over her bottom lip... It's nice to see things that make me smile when I think of her...

Today I went kayaking... it was a beautiful day.  I had posted on facebook that I was going to go and if anyone wanted to join me they could... one of my former track kids, who I coached from grade 6 through grade 12 asked to go... I have rules about 'friending' kids on facebook.  My rule is that they have to be 18 or have already graduated from high school, whichever comes second.  I thought about it for a second, wondering if it was a weird boundary crossing thing if we kayaked together... but... she is 20 years old... and I figured why not... I also knew, from kayaking with her Mom last summer, that she was going through some stuff at the time and thought it would be good for her to have someone to chat with if she needed it, if she was still battling some things... So we met up and she was very excited to be outside... we had lots of cool conversations... she's really fighting hard to figure out who she is versus what she thinks people and society expect her to be.... and as we were kayaking she asked me why kayaking is something I love so much... It made me pause... and think instantly of Mom... I explained to her how Mom was the first person in our family to kayak... and how kayaking was often time that Mom and I got together to talk, to be together... and shared so much... and I really still feel a connection to my Mom when I am kayaking... I see things that I know she would notice... and I shared a couple of stories about Mom and I kayaking... It was a cool question that she asked... and again, thinking about Mom made me smile.

It's still not easy to think about Mom being gone... missing her still so much... but... I love that I can see things that trigger happy memories...

Here are some pics I took today... I didn't take many, not sure why, wasn't in the mood to photograph...maybe  I was in the mood to chat more instead...

Seeing this turtle made me get my camera out... he was shy, jumped soon after the pic! 

There is light at the end of the tunnel!  Paddled further up the river today than I had done before and found this culvert... had to take a pic... 

My paddling partner... So fun!  I'm so proud of who she is... who she is becoming.. and that she is brave enough to be her!  

On our paddle back she spotted a tiny turtle... and I caught her... named her Matilda!  (Not sure if it is male or female, but... she was adorable!... and not happy to have been picked up!) 

When I put her back on her log she stayed inside her shell for a while... but she was fine.. eventually her head came out and peeked all around!  Cute!  

These next two pictures were taken a couple weeks ago, the night I did yoga.  I had to pull over to take pics because the moon was so pretty!  

For those Portland, Oregon, fans... THIS is the REAL Portland... Maine baby!  Moon over the East End... 

Day 102... will it ever end??

Yup, it's Day 102... and I have not stopped yet... there is part of me that is a little scared about taking a day off... worried that one day off will lead to two which will lead to more... but.. I know that's a little crazy... but it's where my head is at... but there is some news to report on that.. but first... in honor of my 100 days, I wanted to do something that I would be able to use to remember what I did, to remind myself that I CAN do things that I set my mind to... and I have been toying with the idea of getting my ear pierced, up high, for a while, so... why not use this as the impetus?
This is me before the piercing, Angela thought the swords behind me were funny! So this is the before:

And this is the after: 

A coworker, Angela,  came with me because she had been wanting the same piercing... I told her I had to go first or I may chicken out!  The lady told me when she was getting ready that I needed to stay still... which I was determined to do.  Before she pierced it she put this clamp thingy on to hold tightly onto my ear and she pulled it to make sure it would get in the right place... then she jabbed the needle in.  I did not move, but apparently my eyes got HUGE!  Angela laughed at my expression and then asked if I was okay... Ha!  I was okay, just surprised a bit and yes, it hurt when it went in... and through... but then it wasn't so bad... until today.. it hurts today... not terrible, but feels like I ripped a hole in my ear!  Go figure!  I really hope it heals well, I am really happy with it and look forward to being able to put something else in it.. this is the earring they put in when they pierce it at a tattoo shop. (Went to a tattoo shop after hearing it is more sanitary and this is the place Sis got her nose pierced and Sara got her ear pierced, both with good results)  The ring apparently helps it heal better...I did get to choose between surgical stainless steel or titanium... the stainless steel has nickel in it... to which Mom was allergic, and though I have not had similar reactions, I decided to be cautious and get the titanium...  I have to keep this one in for 6-8 weeks...then I can choose something with a bit more... cuteness!  

So back to the activity thing... My little sister, Jacey, (Betty's daughter) has decided to start her own 100 day challenge... today is day 10, AND she has signed up to do the half marathon with me this fall... AND we have pressured my sister into doing the same.  I think it's going to be pretty cool for us all to be together doing something like this!  Very Cool! 

So tonight I stopped at the grocery store to pick up some chicken and some fruit... the chicken for dinner tonight, the fruit for tomorrow's staff meeting... I cooked the chicken on my new stovetop grill pan, and other than the smoke detectors going off (I do not have a hood/fan over my stove..)  it worked really well.  I love grilled food and was skeptical about the grill pan working on an electric range, but it worked, grill marks and everything!  Yum!  Can't wait to try grilling some veggies, some kabobs perhaps!  

While at the store one of those things happened that made me pause... I should have probably stepped in more directly, but didn't... I walked by the express lanes, the 14 items or less lanes... there were three open and a fourth with it's light out that had a woman paying and another little old lady behind her with a cart, with probably six things... the cashier told the second woman that she would need to find another lane because she was closing.  Really? You are closing BEFORE waiting on an elderly woman with 6 items... who will now need to go to the other lanes who are 5-6 people deep and wait longer? Not okay.  I should have confronted the cashier.. but didn't... but as I waited in line to pay for my 7 items... It irked me... (just reminded myself of Mom there for a second... irked me... she used to say that..)  So when paying I asked if they could call a customer service manager over so I could talk to them.... they did... and this young man came out, mid twenties I assume... with some gnarly piercings in his ear with crazy earrings, that really stuck out from his ear... (Perhaps I was judging?)  Anyway, He was very polite and stood nodding with me as I told him what I had seen and how it bothered me... He said he knew exactly what register and cashier I was talking about because he too, walked by about the same time.  He was trying to show me that he was in agreement with me, yet... he saw the same thing and did NOT step in and direct the cashier to wait on the old lady? Dislike.  

Oh.. and one more thing.  I received an email from a local magazine (Who I will mention if this comes to fruition...)  they had been searching for a picture taken from the perspective of someone kayaking and came across this one on this blog: 

It was taken last Memorial Day weekend... and they want to use it in their magazine.  How cool is that? SO they emailed asking permission to use the pic and I said yes... and asked if I could have a copy of the magazine once published... and was surprised at their reaction.  They said they were not sure they could... the person who contacted me will have to check with the design director... so see if that's possible... really? You are going to use my photo, credit me in the magazine, and you are not going to give me a copy? Hmph... I will get them to give me a copy.  

Betty update... she is doing well... I am grateful... 

I guess that's all for now.. 

DAY ONE HUNDRED

I did it.  I worked out for 100 days in a row... at least 30 minutes of intentional activity each day.  Yahooooooooo!  I am pretty excited and proud!

Today's workout... involved 100 minutes of cardio... my gym has ten different types of cardio machines... so I figured 10 minutes on each would be a great way to celebrate the day.  (I had never used two of them...)  Suellen came with me to cheer me on and got a pretty long workout in for herself too!

So I started out with the upright bike... to get warmed up... then decided I would do the machines I thought I would hate most... so moved to one of the arc machines, which is kind of like a stairmaster elliptical machine, and it was not as bad as I thought it would be.. then moved onto the stairmaster... which is now called stairmaster from hell!  Whoever invented THAT machine... should get slapped!  Oh, my, gosh!!!  I was a sweaty mess after that and really had to fight through the last three minutes... I was relieved to be off that thing!  And moved to one of the elliptical machines which uses only the lower body.... I did the first five minutes going backwards to try to give my calf muscles a bit of a break after the stairmaster from hell... then it was onto the row machine, where I pushed myself to go a bit faster than I usually do... from there I went to the second stairmaster type machine... it's basically an escalator...not my favorite, but not as bad as it's cousin... then I walked for ten minutes on the treadmill at a pretty good pace... then I went to the second version of the arc machine that was just lower body, then did the recumbent bike and ended with my favorite elliptical machine.

The workout was followed with lots of stretching... and the rest of my day will be rest and relaxation... Gonna jump in a hot hot shower for a long time then curl up and watch a movie that Rico sent to me this week.

Thank you to ALL of the people who have supported me through the 100 days...those who live close to me and did some of the workouts with me, and those who are far away who offered daily encouragement!
 There were days that were tough... but now that it is over I am worried about not working out tomorrow... I may.. end up doing something... we'll see... I am getting my ear pierced tomorrow to signify the 100 days.

Yahoooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

What a day!

Day 99 of working out... Got up this morning and did Zumba with Suellen... then Sara, Phil, and Maria were out doing errands and we were able to meet up for lunch... then... Meg was here.  She had tickets to the local minor league basketball game, affiliated with the Celtics.  It was a great day.  I was so happy to get some time with some of the important people in my life... and when I came home, there was something on my steps... a paper bag... and when I peered in and saw flowers I was a bit perplexed... wondered why flowers and from whom... 

My amazing friend, Michael, sent them to me to celebrate my 100th workout, citing that there was no delivery of flowers tomorrow so he had to send them a day early. 

How Sweet!  

I feel very lucky and loved today... 

YOGA..

Yeah... that chick is CRAZY into yoga... 

That DEFINITELY was not me, but an amazing pose so had to share!  

 Yoga and I met again tonight... It was not a happy reunion... when we first saw one another.  My previous two yoga experiences were... hmmm...how should I put this...  hellish... I hated them.  

The first one was bearable because Debbie was with me and together we managed to be two of 'those' people who were not all zen about yoga, we were giggling in the back because I felt like an elephant trying to balance on a beach ball...  It was not pretty... the second experience was in a tiny room with a really 'crunchy' instructor... (by crunchy I mean someone who probably catches spiders that get into her house and releases them into a meadow down the street.)  And with her crunchiness came her touchy feely-ness... and as my ass was in the air for downward dog and my brain was concentrating on not falling WITHOUT WARNING, her hand was on me... trying to correct my posture... I did not react well to that and she left me alone afterwards.. but I remember thinking, Hello lady... if I could get my ass up higher while putting 2/3 of my weight on my wrists, don't you think I would be doing it?  I don't think your little touch  is going to suddenly make this body into Gumby!  And at that moment I kind of swore it off... for good.  

Yoga looks peaceful... but remember folks looks can be deceiving.  It's a lot of work!  So how did I end up there tonight? A friend of mine, from high school, and I had decided to get together for dinner... and because of my commitment to the 100 days, we agreed to do something active before dinner.  One of her coworkers suggested this drop in yoga place... where you pay what you want to pay... so I agreed, reluctantly... and as today has been getting closer I have dreaded it more and more.  

The instructor was in her early 20s probably... and the place was crowded.  A tiny room with lots of people is not usually my idea of a good time... but I was trying to embrace it... the class started with a bit of a meditation, asking us to bring positive energy to the room... 

I liked the way she taught... she did it methodically, showing us a pose, then explaining how to take it from basic to more advanced... (From pretzel stick to pretzel!) I stuck mostly with the basic poses, but I admit I surprised myself with some.  

It is hard to get into some  of the poses, harder to stay in those poses... and your body heats up fast... that room was HOT!  

My left knee, pvns knee, does not bend as far as my other knee.  It is not a dramatic difference, but I noticed it tonight... and had to alter a couple of things because of it.  (She had asked at the beginning of class if there were any limitations she should know about... and I so badly wanted to shout, 'Um, yeah... from about here,' pointing at head, 'to...here,' pointing at feet...I felt like I would not be able to keep up.. that I Would once again be a yoga school dropout!  Something that helped a lot was using the yoga blocks.  Placing them under my hands when doing downward dog made it easier to balance and felt less pressure on my wrists... 

But I made it, through an entire class and did most of the moves... and... as crazy as it sounds...

 I think I want to go back.  

(Day 97!) 

A Day of Mixed Emotions...

I can't remember what I have shared here about a woman named Pam who works with me... she is my assistant and is amazing.  This is the first year that we have worked together so closely, but I have known her for a few years.  I first met her when she worked as a substitute and was often in my room.  One day when she was subbing the phone rang and it was the office... her husband had been in an accident... had a seizure while driving... and fortunately his passenger was able to get the car safely off the road... they learned that the seizure was the result of a brain tumor... cancer... fortunately they were able to resect the tumor and he was  in remission for just over a year... when the second tumor showed up... Again he had surgery and again was considered to be in remission... and has had ongoing treatments... a few weeks ago his MRI showed that it was back... this time in two places... and the local doctors who had done the previous two surgeries said they could not operate... and sent him to Boston to see if he would qualify for a clinical trial of sorts... well.. in Boston the doctors there determined that they could operate, if it was soon, because the tumor was growing... but also said that they would not do another surgery... so basically this surgery will extend his life... and most likely within a year it will be back... and Pam and her husband have hope that within that time another option may be developed... they have faced so much... and they have a lot of faith in God, quite religious... and well.. you know my feelings on that... So... on Monday they found out that surgery would be Friday, THIS Friday... so I reached out to the staff at our building and within two days we raised a very generous amount of money for Pam and her husband... to be used for hotel rooms, gas, food, medications, whatever they need... She was so overwhelmed by the gift... I was overwhelmed too, by people's generosity... one of those moments where you see real good in the world... real good...
I went to the store to buy a card to put the money in...sounds like an easy task.. right? Well... not so much... I didn't want to get a card that said 'Get Well'... because had I received a card like that when Mom was sick, when she faced her second surgery and we knew it was probably not going to work... those 'get well' rainbows and smiling kitty cats would have been shoved someplace where the sun didn't shine... because a card like that felt like people were in denial about what was really going on... and I had no room in my all too real reality for denial... And while I am soooo hopeful and optimistic that the surgery goes well and believe that it will... it's a surgery to prolong his life, not to save it... sounds harsh when I put it that way I suppose... but... Pam knows this... and she knows I know this... and to put any kind of daisies and rainbows on a card that says get well would seem ... fake... empty... without integrity... and I just couldn't do it... So after several minutes of reading cards... which, by the way, Hallmark does not make a card perfect for these kind of moments... I bought a blank one... yes it has smiley faces on it... which may seem close to rainbows and butterflies... but ... I was able to write my own message inside...
Giving her that card... with the money from our staff... was a hard moment for me.. knowing how much it would alleviate some of the logistical stressors for them... and that helpless feeling of knowing that no matter how much money was in that envelope... it wasn't enough to 'fix' things...
and my heart just hurt... for her and for her husband.. knowing how scary the next 48 hours are going to be...and I know that somewhere in her prayers, and probably his... maybe more so his... there will be some bargaining/negotiating with god... about... taking his life now vs. later if it's going to get really bad... which... inevitably it will... if the doctors predictions are right and science doesn't come through within a year... As hard as it would be to lose him now, at the surgery... would it be better? easier? than watching him become someone so far from the man she married?  I am so scared for her... that brain cancer will not just kill him, but will change him dramatically...
And of course... it makes things with Mom come even closer to the surface... this is the month when we lost her, three years ago... and I would be lying if I said I have not lost sleep over it lately... A friend who had lost her mom told me that grief was like the ocean.. always there, always moving... and some days the waves were bigger than others... and the waves have grown a bit this week... so far I am staying afloat... but have given into their rhythms a bit...

So Universe... You gave my family some sunshine and rainbows recently with Betty, things there are good... and I am grateful... and... I'm not sure what to hope for when it comes to Pam and her husband... but... I ask that they find peace... in some way... one day at a time...

I Loooooooooooooooove Zumba!

Ok... so... I knew I was planning on going to Zumba tonight... and had thought about working out this morning too... why not, right? Well... when I was still awake after 11:00 I knew getting up at 5 and working out was not going to happen...

Remember that post yesterday? About learning to deal with stress by using exercise.  Today was, shall I say case in point!

It started out a bit rough, my assistant, my WONDERFUL assistant, told me that her husband's surgery (Removal of his third brain tumor)  had been scheduled for April 17th... I have so much anxiety for them...and put out an email to the staff to see about collecting donations to help with their expenses... then  a couple of kids in my homeroom broke some rules and earned themselves a lunch detention... transitioned into one of the more stressful team meetings for our special ed. department that we have had in a lonnnnnggg time... where we were all a bit off and we are usually a cohesive group.. but not today, there was a lot of tension...a lot... then I had a couple of classes that went pretty well... and then... it was time for lunch detention... one of my two students arrived on time, sat in the known location... and I waited for the other student from where I always sit during lunch detention... in the conference room where teachers eat their lunch with a clear view of the area where the kids serve their detention... and I waited... after about 15 minutes (of a 25 minute lunch period) I asked the student who was there if he had seen the other kid and he had... he is in your room, he said, with his friend... Sure enough... I walked into my room and they were sitting side by side, one had his cell phone out (Another no-no) and they were chatting and laughing... Oh no no no!  I went off on them... sent the 'friend' back to the cafeteria after assigning both of them an after school detention... and then went further off on the kid who was in my room.

He's the kid I have advocated for Soooo much this year, really worked hard to help other teachers see that he is not just a big oaf, that he is a good kid... and he pulls this on me??  I. Was. MAD!

Thursday he had sat with me and his parents at parent teacher conferences where we talked about choices he is making vs. choices he needs to make.  We talked about how to behave in my classroom and what the consequences would be.  His parents were VERY Supportive.  So... after sitting in silence until the lunch was over, he asked me why he had the detention.  My eyes must have grown to the size of dinner plates.  Seriously? He said he had not invited his friend to come have lunch with him, that he had just come along.  Didn't invite your friend? Well... here's the deal.. you KNOW where you are supposed to be during lunch detention and you INTENTIONALLY hid from me.  You KNOW that you are not supposed to be socializing during lunch detention.  SERIOUSLY?  So then, under his breath he said... well if you call my mom you are going to ruin her birthday.  ME? I am going to ruin her birthday... oh no no, sir.  YOU made a choice that will upset her.  (I sooooo wanted to leave school and go RUN on that elliptical machine... yes RUN, kick its ass!)  So... afternoon progressed.  I completed detention slips (ensuring that the two do not have detention on the same night, they would enjoy that.)  and also made sure that this kid miss his very first lacrosse practice AND made sure that after detention is over, he would NOT be allowed to go to the remainder of lacrosse practice.  Thankfully his coach was on board.

Then in homeroom he asked me if he could go to lacrosse, after I had told him the answer.  And I did not even answer him, just looked at him, shook my head and gave him my best disappointed look and went to do my afternoon duty.  After students were dismissed I found him in our room, sitting on my desk, head down... and when I came back in I asked why he was there.  He told me he was there for detention.  I told him that his detention was an office detention, not a hanging out with me to do homework kind of detention... and told him to go... and he asked if I was mad at him.  I asked him, based on my body language, tone of voice, and facial expressions,  what he thought the answer to that question was... and he said, yes you are mad at me.  I thought: Darn skippy I am! But said, yes, Yes I AM mad at  you and more than that I am wicked disappointed, wicked disappointed.    He said, but YOU, of all people... I can't have YOU mad at me... I looked at him, waited for him to pick up his head and said... You know I care about you, and you also know that I have given you fair warning that your behavior has been declining and we talked about it at conferences.  You knew that bad choices would have consequences...and you manipulated me today, took advantage of the fact I have trusted you.  And he asked if I would still be mad at him tomorrow... I told him that I would probably be past my anger, but that I would continue to be disappointed.  He asked if we would be okay again, if I would be able to not be disappointed.. and I told him that he and I have had a good relationship so far this year, but that his actions today really damaged that relationship.  I told him that whether or not it is repaired is up to him.  He said he wanted to fix it... and I told him that the only way to do it was to show me, every day that I could trust him, depend  on him, BELIEVE him and IN him... and he said he will... show me that he wants to fix it.  So we'll see...

So today was just YUCKY... yeah I am sure it will have a positive impact on him and all that teachable moment stuff. blah blah blah... but it drove me CRAZY... And I wanted to get out of that building and run, lift weights, throw things... so after school.. I had planned on staying and getting some work done... I needed to LEAVE... fly out of there... and really WANTED the gym... but had promised two friends I would go to Zumba and knew if I went to the gym I would be too tired for Zumba... So instead I went shopping... and no, did not get ice cream or food, but I did buy some things I have been wanting to help me take care of myself... I bought a grill pan that I can use on my stovetop... been wanting one to have more variety in what I eat... and bought a new waterbottle, a glass one... I used to use those plastic ones, then it was said that they were not healthy.. so I had switched to the aluminum ones.. and have never really been thrilled with them, but they hold water and help me drink more of it by having a couple available to me in my classroom... to today I found one at Target, for $9.99 (A lot cheaper than the Whole Foods equivalent for $25)  and I came home cleaned it and took it with me to Zumba and I love it!

So yes, I went to Zumba... Picked Suellen up on the way and she made the mistake of asking how my day was... let's just say she got an earful!  Then... I was at Zumba... and it was PACKED... wall to wall people packed, which I normally don't like... All of the songs were familiar, so I felt somewhat coordinated and was really able to push myself to work hard, and had Fun, caught myself dancing and shaking things more than usual, and smiling... and before I Knew it it was the last song, time to cool down.  Noooooooooooo, I thought to myself.  I - Want- MORE!!!  I could have done another half hour of Zumba, at least!  And... it Sooooooooooooo helped!  I left there smiling, I am sure my blood pressure was lower... and I felt good... (And there was a mini pilates lesson afterwards that I stayed for... another first...like yoga, I don't think we will become fast friends.... )

I LOVE ZUMBA!!

The Final Countdown...

I am quickly closing in on 100 days in a row of being active... today is day 93... Next Sunday is day 100!!!  I am very excited about having stuck with it and that I am seeing results... results in how I feel... overall I have more energy, though there have been days where I was really tired and didn't think I would be able to do the 30 minutes... and the scale is telling me I am now down 30 pounds.  I have a long way to go to be where I feel my body should be... the pre-PVNS weight... but I feel like this is a great start to get there.  Clothes have gotten too big... and I have been able to dig through my closet and find things I can now wear.  I am thinking that by January 1, 2013  I will be close to where I was before PVNS was part of my life... that's exciting.

This last week is going to be an active week... including Zumba tomorrow night, Yoga on Thursday, and if all go as planned daily morning workouts.... yes that would mean two activities on some days...

So besides the weight loss and difference in how clothes fit here are some things I have noticed... or growth I have seen:
My back:  I have had to go to the chiropractor less and when I go the adjustments are more minor than they were and overall my body is much looser and my back pain has been significantly lessened!

Row machine: The first time I tried it, I did only 5-10 minutes... it bothered my back, and to be blunt, strapping my feet into the machine and having to lean forward past my feet to reach the handlebar thingy that I pull, was tough... I had less flexibility and my stomach was bigger making it harder to really bend forward...

Weight training:  My arms have definitely shaped up... still have a lonnnnng way to go, but there is a lot of progress.  I have gone from doing one set of arm exercises to doing a variety of exercises and my confidence has increased.  I now do my arm exercises in the main part of the gym, in front of people...

Confidence: I feel more outgoing, more able to strike up conversations with people.  :-) (And more likely to get a new job!)

Handling Stress: I have begun to cope with anxiety and stress by working out instead of eating.  I actually crave the activity.

Eating: I am eating pretty well.  I think there is still room for some improvement, especially in preparing more food ahead of time, to be more efficient with my food each week... but I am eating healthy and am making good choices.  I still struggle with saying no to food when there is a staff meeting or pot luck meal... but making some progress... and I am experimenting in the kitchen, making new things, some things even successfully!

Day to day: There are things that I have to do that used to leave me out of breath... climbing stairs, dragging an empty trash can up my driveway on trash day, going up and down my basement stairs to do laundry, and going for a short walk.

Oh... and... I have maintained my sense of humor and have had some fun at the gym...

Here is a story that happened a couple of weeks ago, I have shared it with some people.... and they have found it entertaining... not sure it will translate as well through the written word, but I will try...

At the gym there has been a man who I have found to be a bit mysterious, kind of attractive, and, well... buff! So I keep my eye out for him and when he is at the gym I sometimes have stayed longer... he has been my 'eye candy'... He is most often spotted working on his arms... his very defined arms... and as you know I am a bit obsessed with getting Michele Obama arms... so I watch him even closer,  you know... to get ideas!  (Wink wink)   Now I must explain here that my gym has two levels.  The first level is where all the weight machines are, as well as a free weight area where most of the 'muscleheads' work out and the cardio equipment is also there... upstairs there is a loft kind of area, that overlooks those areas of the gym and has a few, smaller free weights, a couple of benches and lots of mats for stretching, yoga balls, and is a bit more... calming... So... For about three weeks, to a month, before the particular day I am going to describe... I began doing the bench press. Upstairs.  In private.  I had gotten to a point where I could do three sets of 12 repetitions (do twelve, then rest, then do twelve more, rest, then do twelve more.)  of 45 pounds, which by the way, I learned is the weight of just the bench press bar... with no additional weights on it.  In the last week or so of my bench press  prep I had decided that I needed to start doing this in the area where all the 'big kids' play... you know, be a 'real' weight lifting kind of a girl... and wanted to work on that whole confidence thing... so there was this day.. where opportunity knocked...

On the first floor, as I mentioned, there are a few benches where people can do bench presses.   Well... Mr. Eye Candy was at the second bench... just settling in for his workout... aha, I thought... look, an open bench, right next to him... I can do this... so I walk over to the bench, lay down and lift the bar, but realized that the bar was a little lower than I wanted it to be.  There are pegs on the part of the bench that holds the bar so that you can adjust the starting height of the bar... so confidently I stand up and place the bar on the bench, as I have seen others do, while I go to adjust the pegs to the next level up.  Now... I know I am not wicked strong when it comes to my arms, but I am also not weak, really.  So I go to pull out the peg, and it's a bit... stubborn.   So I pull harder and it is not coming out.  So I look at the pin, trying to look like I know what I am doing, to see if there is some kind of release button... no luck... so I switch arms... my right arm is stronger so I try to pull it out with my right arm... no luck.. so I pull harder.. Now, at this point I can NOT just walk away... that would be defeat... and I don't want to ask for help, because that would also suggest I didn't know what I was doing... so I start kind of shaking the pin to 'loosen it'... and in the process it gets a little.. noisy... clang clang clang clang clang clang clang, steadily gaining in speed because I was sure THAT would help... when suddenly behind me I hear a very deep voice say, 'Hey, there's a trick to that one.  I can never get it out either, let me show you...'  EYE CANDY GUY!  I tried to make small talk, saying something like, 'I figured I could handle this on my own, but apparently I need some help.' He smiled and walked to where the weights that go on the bars are kept and grabs one, comes back with it and hits the peg, from the back side, quite hard, and the peg pops out... and he hands it to me, telling me not to worry, that one even gives HIM trouble.  And he returned to his bench... which I MUST add by this time... had on it.... well... on each side he had three 25 lb weights, one 10 lb weight, AND one 5 lb weight... for a grand total of... 225 pounds!!!  I am not kidding... and here I am, about to lift the bar... JUST the bar...

So instead of just lifting the bar 12 times... I go for 15... ok.. I thought to myself, that wasn't so bad... how about adding some weight to the bar... for no other reason but to boost my ego... next to this Adonis who is benching 225 without needing a spotter!  So... I get up walk over to where the weights are and add five pounds to each side... WHOA, a whole 5 lbs.. I know... not a lot, but... totally trying to show this guy I am no wimp... (HA!) ... So, with the bar now totaling at 55 lbs... I do another set of 15 reps... and by the 10th one I was feeling it pretty good, so I had to fight through to get to 15.  Then I sit up and rest between sets, because... that's what we weight lifters do... and I look over at eye candy.. and he is pumping that iron with little strain... again, there was this part of me that said, walk away, walk away now, but again... people who do weight training usually do three sets... and I had only done two... Can't leave yet.  So... eventually, realizing I have no choice but to do one more set... I position myself under the bar and hope that I don't drop the bar on myself, or strain myself... and yes, this thought came into my head: don't fart!  (I mean pushing the bar up could have such results!) So... I begin the final set... and it was hard to do all 15, but I did them... and with my arms SCREAMING at me, stood up, took my mighty 5 lb weights off the bar and returned them to the rack... smiled and thanked eye candy guy again for his help (He was sitting up for a rest in between sets)  and think I went to do some cardio because that was the END of my arm workout for that day.   I came home later that night and was holding up a piece of paper to read it.... and realized my arm was shaking as I tried to hold my arm up... I laughed at myself for being so foolish... trying to impress Mr. Eye Candy... But.. it did not make me give up.  Since then I have been doing my bench presses downstairs... and today, using that same bench and having to hit the pin to adjust it,  I did three sets... the first set of 12 with just the bar, and the second two sets, of twelve, with adding those same five pound weights... and soon I will do all three sets with the weight and then increase to sets of fifteen, and then add weight...

It was funny... Now for all I know Eye Candy guy was not paying any attention to me before or after I began with the noise pollution of trying to get the pin out... but in my mind, of course he was paying attention to my awesome bench pressing skills...and... was VERY impressed!

I have to say that I have enjoyed this journey, and it has been a great challenge for me, something I will be able to look back on and say I can do what I set my mind to.  Those days, like last Thursday, when I was at school from 7 a.m. to 8 p.m. for parent teacher conferences and came home, exhausted.... I was able to push myself to do it, to get on the treadmill and do some arm weights here, to get the 30 minutes in...

And here's the bonus... Stepsister, Jacey, announced today that this is her day 1 of her own 100 day challenge, AND she is going to do the half marathon with me.  (I predict she will end up running a lot of it, because she is a runner, but still, something healthy for us to do together!)  Also, Sis is contemplating it as well... seeing how there are 109 days until her next birthday... what a great pre birthday gift to herself!

Here's to the next week of activity!  C'mon 100!!!

In case you don't know what a bench for the bench press looks like, here it is: